Sorry I've been very sparse with my postings. We've been preparing for Danny to take off for his training in Portland. When it rains it pours, now Danny has a possible job opportunity in Wenatchee (just a possibility not an actual offer). We've been scrambling to play with the hypotheticals of both positions. The difference between living in Seattle and Wenatchee, the difference in pay and most of all the difference in medical benefits.
I find that I'm not sleeping well with all of the changes, and uncertainty. I'm trying to keep my knees bent, but it's exhausting. I'm working on taking it in stride, focusing on each day, but at the same time we have to analyze every detail to make sure that we're making the right decision. A career change, a location change, a huge lifestyle change, any one of those things is overwhelming let alone all three.
Last night I could barely sleep with all of the thoughts racing through my mind. I try to quiet them down, but there's a lot to do, a lot to analyze, and I'm sad about the possibility of doing long distance. I'll miss having Danny around. It's as simple as reading our books before we fall asleep at night. I love talking to Danny, we're always laughing even when we're trying to fall asleep. I know that there's always a phone, but a phone doesn't hug or give a smirk when I miss the door jam as I'm walking.
Anyway, with all of this stress I've found a new way to fall asleep. It's kind of an old new way because I've done it before, but forgot about it. I start by laying in bed with my eyes closed. I pick a person, a friend or a friend of a friend, and I think about what's going on in their life. I focus on thinking positive thoughts about them, something like, "I hope that so-and-so's husband notices how beautiful she is, and says it to her tomorrow." If for example, I know a friend isn't feeling acknowledged and attractive. It's kind of a goofy or dumb thing to do, but I feel better, like I'm a guardian angel in training. I just want my friends and the friends of my friends, everyone in fact, to have wonderful, fulfilling, happy lives each day. Who knows if my nighttime ritual helps anything. I know I'm not powerful enough to change other people's behavior, but a girl can dream for happiness for others.
When I was younger, I told my mother I was convinced there was an invisible yawn wave. I had watched people catch a yawn from other people, even when they weren't looking at each other. I also noticed an instance where a woman caught a yawn from another person at a traffic light, never having noticed the yawn instigator. I can't seem to figure out the refraction of the yawn wave or the physics of it, but I'm convinced it exists. I'd like to think that dreaming for others, like the specific happy thoughts for my friends, even when they're not in a close vicinity, could be like a yawn wave.
