Sunday, March 26, 2017

On My Terms

I've been resting. I've been healing. My progress is obvious, and it's exciting!

Origenaly, while in the hospital, the speech, occupation, and physical therapists, told me that I needed to spend 2-3 weeks in acute care home where I would work 6-8 hours a day on my deficits. The worst part, I was told I would have to live on campus, alone. I remember the second their door shut and I turned to Dan. We looked at each other, and I said, "Dope." He smiled, and I whispered, "Is that okay?" 

I knew I couldn't be apart from him, not for that not during such a traumatic time. Dan and I laugh so much, we have the ability to keep things in perspective, we ground each other, and literally have fun in everything we do. There's nothing more therapeutic than my time with Dan. So I respectfully declined and said I would revisit therapy after I moved home in a month. 

I had been told from my surgeon, whom I implicitly trust, that a complete recovery was expected, but to be aware of swelling which could take sever months to recover. In my mind, her words vindicated my gut feeling, that this time should be for healing, compassion, patience, and not brow beating.

As this is my fourth brain surgery, I'm different in how I evaluate the process. I'm much more calm. I'm able to analyze what will serve me on an independent level. For me, I knew being away from Dan would dampen my soul, extinguish my light. It would actually be carmful.

So, instead of weeks working in frustration, we were cocooned with a magical beach home in Malibu. It was through a friend of a friend, but now it already feels family. We have been nurtured by everyone, even friends of friends. Each day, I get better and better, oftentimes even between naps. I started with a walker, and yesterday I walked over three miles. I no longer require assistance.

You can see in my language, in my writing, that I am fast improving. I have no fears of deficites, I have have no fear of much. Each challange is an adventure, and each opportunity is a gift. 

I have never felt so provided by the universe. From our friends, and family, holding down our home with our pets, to Dan's employers, and work buddies, the emotional support of your payers, and blog comments with pure love. All of the generous donations and gifts. We have made new friends, we have made unbelievable memories. We have found joy in the wildest circumstances, and it's because of all you! You lift us up, you nurture us, you choose to send us strength, and compassion. You are healing us. Please never underestimate your role! 

The world continues to bring surprises, and we continue to have so much fun regardless of the subject or context. Sometimes life feels like a movie, full of lessons and growth. It leaves me with hope, and recharges my soul, regardless of the ending. In those moments, as often as I can remember, I soak it up, lift my face to the heavens, with a jubilant expression, and praise God, praise the Heavens, and I thank whomever is responsible. 

Life is so damn fun!

These pictures show the milestone that is my first shower after three weeks of suture. Damn that felt good to remove and clean!!!
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