Our Modern Life

 

This afternoon, Dan and I took a walk because it was so beautiful.

When Danny and I separated, I remember saying to him, there are now rules in how we create this. And that's true for everyone. We have agency in how we will treat another, speak to each other, what we want this to look and how it feels. 

I was diagnosed 16 years ago, and over that time there have been many chapters of my cancer, but there's been a lot of Dan's chapters too. As we came as two island kids who loved being friends, we created a beautiful life, and now we are two island kids back to have mutual respect and love. 

I'm not good at creating explaing this with the connecting of thoughts, and getting my brain connected in the way I wish I could, the proton radiation was extra strong in the helps of killing those tumors.

I imagine I will be writing much more on the blog. It's really important for me to express how I'm feeling during this, as the evolves, my health, what will happen. And it's great to challenge my brain to get back to where I once was.

Thank you for being patient with me, and for loving both Dan and me, it gives me great peace to know that we are supported.

Separation

Still here healing, step by step, word by word. Please forgive bad grammar and any miss spelling, I'm too exhahsted to fix it all.

I think people are starting to hear that Dan and I are been separated. In actuality been a couple of yrs. It's really heartbreaking, and I feel comfortable that Dan feels the same. Over time we both found our life goals are and how we spend our time daily, weekly, our goals, our hopes and dreams became diametric oppose. 

I still consider him one of my best friends, even though our connection is a different role.

Also, I apologist but I didn't get a lot of sleep (2.5 hours) last night so my language is poor and I'm too tired, let alone the proton treatment in my language area.

We still live in the same home which I am so grateful about. Unfortunately, I can't plan, or make longterm changes as we don't know if this treatment worked, or what steps are coming as I try to figure out how to mange the chess game of cancer. I am between 1 to 2 months MRIs based by what they see each time. It's really scary, but I don't have a lot of control other that try to soak in as much joy and beauty. I have bad days too, but I try not to stay there. 

I know I have left so much out that I would love to share but I can't even think. 

Thank you to everyone for loving both Dan and me. I never thought this is where we would be, I don't thought Dan did either, but life is has no map.

Love to everyone from both Dan and me.