Winston-Salem

I've probably said this several times, about several places, but Winston Salem is definitely God's country, one of the most lovely places on Earth with matching people. We are having a BLAST.

The appointment with Dr Lesser went smashing. He and the radiologist believe there is no reason for concern. Sweet! It was wonderful meeting with Dr Glenn Lesser, he is open minded, clearly educated and interested, helpful with resources and just great to speak with. Definitely an ally in our corner.

Most of all, though, has been the interaction with Take The Fight. My sweet Lindsey was out of town for a bit so Andy & Lawson sat in and helped during our appointment. It's amazing having medically knowledgable minds to ask questions.

Winston Salem is full of the most kind people, Dan and I are having so much fun. Especially with these nut yarn ball storms. SERIOUS. This is an immediate photo...

We Made It!

We are nested safely in Winston Salem. Phew. What a day. All Dan and I can keep thinking and talking about is the devistation from the tornados. We feel really lucky to be alive. I'm so sorry for all my Oklahoman friends from TCU, and all the others whom I don't know, that were effected.

The touching stories of teachers sheltering elementary school students, praying, and trying to save lives. The stories of reunited survivors, and reunited pets, the video and images, jeez. Pretty horrific and shocking stuff.

Again I'm reminded how precious and delicate life is. I have everything to be grateful about.

Always an Adventure

Well, Dan and I flew out this morning for Wake Forrest for my appointment with Dr Glenn Lesser, and my inaugural meeting with Take The Fight.

Unfortunately, Dan and I are sitting on a plane on the tarmac in a city named Rockport, IL (or some name like that). We were in a holding pattern for almost two hours, and now exist among almost 20 other grounded airplanes, refueling, at this airport alone waiting to be allowed to fly into Ohare. Apparently, though not much of a shock, there is a hovering electrical storm (pretty scary storms around the country these days). We have missed our connecting flight, and since all incoming flights were not allowed to land for the past few hours, I can only imagine that when we do get to Chicago the connections are going to be a complete nightmare. 

Well shoot. At least we're near the bathrooms and I'm next to Danny :) The flight does not have a single empty seat, it's a mess in here, but storms don't last forever and eventually we'll make it. And if we have to stay in Chicago, that'll fun too! Nothing like an adventure with the guy I love. Except he's getting really hungry. Of course this is the one flight where I didn't pack snacks. Such a fool!!

BG Therapeutic Range

Hells yesssss!!! I just made it into Seyfried's range for the first time! Niiiice. For a reward, I'm lacing up the sneaks for a long, soothing, celebratory walk. 

Look out ketones, I'm coming after you next. PS a butterfly just buzzed my head tower (I'm on the balcony)...butterflies hate Hermie. Moths too. I can just tell :)

Little RKD Engine

Great news, my blood glucose and ketone levels are almost in the zone! According to Thomas Seyfried's book, my blood glucose needs to be between 55-65 and ketones ideally between 4-6. My blood glucose has been consistently been at 66, 67 and the highest I've been with the ketones has been 2.6, so I'm getting there! It's very exciting!! Living on the restricted ketogenic diet isn't as bad as I thought. I'm 5'7 and currently 135 (I keep losing weight). I eat 1200 calories a day, and 80% of those calories are from fat. You'd think it would be disgusting, but it's actually pretty awesome. I just freshly ground some decaf coffee beans, and created a delicious morning drink with two tablespoons of heavy whipping cream. Yum! Who gets to do something like that? This girl! :) I'm able to eat/drink very rich foods and since the amounts are so restricted, I feel great. I feel satiated. Some days, I do get really hungry, but when that happens I eat a little extra protein or veggies. I want to be successful with this diet, to turn it into a lifestyle, and if I'm miserable it will all fall apart. I stay within the boundaries (80% fat & only 20 grams of carbs) most of the time, but I will not be ridiculous, stressed out, or miserable. That's no kind of life.

It feels wonderful to be succeeding on this restricted ketogenic diet. And, although I don't run any longer, I have thoroughly enjoyed my new hobby of walking. Can walking be a hobby or is it an activity? Well, whatever you call it, I like it. Just yesterday, for the first time, Dan and I walked the Lake Union loop. It was a spectacular day to enjoy the six miles. I kind of tricked poor Danny though, I thought it was only a five mile loop, then as we were parking I googled the map and realized it was actually six miles. I knew that final mile might be too much for him mentally, so I didn't tell him. Then after a while, Dan started to figure it out. He grabbed me, threw me up in the air, then pinned me to his chest and tickled the heck out of me. It made me laugh so hard. I LOVE tricking him because somehow never expects it. He makes me so happy :)

Here's a few cute little geese from the walk. I wanted to try and snuggle them, but they were more interested in eating, and papa goose was eyeballing me with his seriously ominous beak. Goose was not interested in becoming friends.

Happy Birthday Kaal!

Before I forget, JAG, I was laughing out loud about the splattered butterfly on your car and thank you for the amazing DCVax article. So exciting! I've been trying to remember to keep tabs and I'm thrilled that things are moving forward. How hopeful!! This could be HUGE for brain cancer survival.

And on to the news of the day, Happy 35th Birthday to my big brother Kaal! I know people always say that their brother is the best, but if you know Kaal, you know how lucky I am. He is gentle, funny, and patient - smart, kind, and such a cutie. He's awesome, and I love him very, very much!

Between The Cracks

I don't know why I freak out from time to time. I can be such a moron :) Clearly I have nothing to complain about. I have a life filled with luck (four leaf clovers), beauty (butterflies), and good fortune (heads-up quarter - just found it yesterday). No to mention an amazing husband, and family, with perfect friends, and an insanely patient and understanding support group. 

It's official, my life is definitely a glass half full. No doubt about it. I've got it all! I don't know why negativity enters my mind. When I was younger, my parents would tell me that any activity, any chore, any job, can be as fun as you make it (or something along those lines). In the same regard, I prefer to look at my life and except the hardships, then I want to find a way to make it awesome. 

I think I needed more sleep, a day with Christel, hugs from my parents, and love from the family cat Reece (done, done, done, and done). I don't know why I borrow trouble. Sometimes I think I just start unwinding when I have too much on my plate, so please forgive me if I owe you emails or such, things come all at once and it feels like all the balls are up in the air. I'm going to see how long I can sleep, then try and stay in bed for an hour or two after that. There is rest for the weary, but I may need more than even that :) 

Believing The Butterfly

You know what's stupid? Me feeling bad about Hermie. It's just me borrowing trouble which is a completely waste of energy. It's frustrating that I can't seem to just ignore this prognosis and enjoy my life. I hate that. I had a hard day yesterday, full of fear about death, brain tumors, radiation, supplements, diet, prescription drugs, and things in my environment. I'm worried that I'm overlooking things. I'm only doing some supplements, metformin and low dose naltrexone along with the restricted ketogenic diet and the newcastle disease virus shots. I keep researching things to see if I should add stuff and time after time I keep falling into brain tumor websites where people talk about their experiences with specific drugs and treatments. The postings live on in the interwebs even though so many have since died. It's terrifying. I watch and read in horror as so many who fight valiantly, lose their battle, as almost all do when up against brain cancer. In sifting through the helpful information, I also learn of what the end looks like. Loss of bodily functions (urine, feces & vomiting), increased seizures, lack of cognizance, lack of control of the body - arms, neck, everything. I could go on, but I know you get the idea. Each life is different, each body has a different breaking point. You never know which lovely symptoms will be yours. I've had my share of having my mother or Danny have to wipe me and I'm telling you it is the most humbling, embarrassing, heartbreaking vulnerability that I have endured.

I'm sad that my future scares me. I'm sad that I'm not strong enough to just breathe and enjoy this moment. I'm sad that I'm not convinced that I can beat this. I'm sad that I believe Hermie will kill me. I'm sad because I believe this could be the best I might have that it will inevitably go down hill. It's just basic statistics and so far, the statistics have been accurate for me. A recurrence one year after the first brain surgery has a bad prognosis. I tried to fight it with diet and supplements, but it didn't work. Now, with two brain surgeries under my belt in only 2.5 years, and a possible progression of disease within only 6 months after surgery, things aren't looking great. I feel defeated, and nauseous, disheartened.

I can't take every drug, every supplement, every treatment, in fact some drugs can actually cause accelerated growth - but you don't know which camp you're in until you are desperate enough to try anything. Then the drug can extend your life a bit, or it can kill you faster. And the western doctors almost always want you to just go for it because they don't think you're going to live long regardless.

Just as I did yesterday, I'm going to grab Emma and go for a walk. I'm trying to walk everyday, it makes me feel connected with life. I watch the squirrels, the birds, the baby ducks, the fish jump, and the turtles sunbathe, even an old crotchety raccoon walk down the street. Yesterday as I walked the lake, a butterfly swirled around my head, then flew across my path and headed over the water. I don't know what possessed me, but I pulled out my phone and Googled, "What does a butterfly crossing your path mean?" And this is what the first website that came up said...

Animal Spirit Guides : The Butterfly

To our past ancestors, the animal held great spiritual power and symbolic meaning. In Native American culture, mythology and ancient civilizations, each animal is embodied with its own symbolic meaning and held its own unique spiritual power.

A particular animal crossing your path had deep significance to your life and indeed a strong message to impart. The presence of animal wisdom may appear to you in a dream, on the physical plane or intuitively.

The Butterfly

The butterfly is the symbol of metamorphosis and transformation.
The symbol of new life, letting go of old cycles and finding your true inner expression.

The butterfly calls you to expand your awareness, spread your wings and call forth your inner joy.

Let go of limitations, and free yourself to express your own beauty within.

It is the time of spiritual transitions. Symbolic of moving from one phase of life to the next reaching higher, reaching outward, leaving the safety of the cocoon and finding your own place among the flowers of life.

Allowing the wind to carry you forward to your goals and dreams. A time of self-discovery rebirth. The butterfly shows you the beauty within.

Go forth with joy.

Affirmation:

I recognize my true beauty within,
I value and cherish all that I am.
I have the power to transform my life.
To experience true joy.

I wish I could absorb the goodness of those words, but so far it hasn't soaked in.

Success!

This weekend was one of those weekends that will forever remain imprinted in my mind. It was filled with laughter, and sunshine, and adventures, which recharged me in a way I didn't realize I needed.

It all started with this......a four leaf clover!

On Saturday, Jules, Dan and I spent the day in the sun solving the problems of the world. Aaah to be a fly on the wall for THOSE ridiculously awesome conversations :) I would have recorded, but I didn't want to incriminate myself.

 

On Sunday Dan and I were lucky to be gifted tickets to the M's game (couldn't trick him into getting a photo of him or both of us so he took this one). It was amazing, the weather was perfect and the game was all about mothers which made me really happy. What a fun holiday! Mother's and Father's Days are both such great days. I love watching people with their kids, I love seeing families come together in whatever way they tend to come together. I love thinking of my girlfriends - and my guy friends - and their little kids. It makes me smile, and feel happy. There was a time when I used to be jealous, but that was short lived.

Feeling revived, and full of energy, this morning I began tackling household chores which always make me feel accomplished. Then, hunger got the best of me and since Dan had taken me shopping for all of the ingredients, I tried a new recipe for the restricted ketogenic diet. It was interesting, the recipe, the process, and the result. I am a big fan of baking and although it is nothing like a real muffin, it is a muffin while eaten in the appropriate diet, it is wonderful and will not feed my tumor. I'm excited about this whole ketogenic diet (emphasis on restricted). This diet is not like a typical ketogenic diet, these recipes are a specific ratio. Each recipe is 4:1:1 - that is 4 fat: 1 carb: 1 protein. The diet is incredibly strict which requires the weighing of all ingredients, but I'm okay with that. It's not as bad as it sounds. I prefer to look at it like I'm allergic to sugar and carbs and if I ingest too much of either it will be very bad. The cool thing is that there are snacks - homemade baked goods - that travel well and have the exact calorie amounts (we already know the ratio). If I freeze items this is going to be easier than I imagined; I just need to get to baking and freezing. Assembly line anyone???

The recipes are complicated though.

And delicate because they are so often using whipped egg whites.

As for the delicate recipe, and the delicate muffins, this not so delicate woman ate two delicious muffins. The first one I thought was good, but I wasn't sure....the second one...oh yesss, that one made me a believer! I thought to myself, I can do this.

Ignorance Did Not Cause Bliss

Good Morning! A couple of things I've been meaning to mention...

1. I will not be attending the San Juan Half Marathon. It has been recommended that I abstain by my doctor, due to the stress on my body that I'm already enduring from the shots. The research also supports me hanging on the sidelines, strenuous exercise causes spikes in blood glucose which feeds tumors. Instead, I've been walking 4-5 days a week, five miles each time. I grab Emma and check out various streets in my neighborhood, circle the lake, pick up groceries and such. I thought I would really miss running, and at first I very much did, however, I've gotten over it. Instead of yearning to run, I think about all of the stories my mother has told me about her walking as a young girl. The main similarity between walking and running, for me, is that with both exercises I'm able to clear my mind, analyze life, enjoy fresh air, look at the plants, the birds, the squirrels, and I become re-grounded (if that's a word?!). I watch people walk, run, drive, speed by on bikes. I feel alive. Since I don't drive, if I don't get out for a walk, I will just be at home. I'll live hidden. I don't go to work, in fact, I don't do much. So, I force myself out on walks. And each time that I do, I feel much, much better.

2. About that cell phone article. I'm not trying to scare anyone, and I'm not trying to convince you. I don't think that you're going to get a brain tumor if you use your cell phone. Just as some people can smoke their whole lives and never get lung cancer or emphysema, others will not die from their cell phones. However, for other people, cigarettes will kill them. And, for others, cell phones might be their demise. Every person's body is different, and I don't think that cancer works in a way that is singular. I believe that cancer is a perfect storm, a combination of environmental factors (excessiveness of cell phone use, cigarettes, pesticides, sun, food additives, alcohol, medications, prescription meds - just think about the warnings on the commercials, and many other harmful things), maybe some genetics, and perhaps a bit of bad luck. That list just mentioned, is not my personal list, but examples. I'm not trying to freak anyone out, just speaking my opinion. You don't have to agree with me, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my tumor is genetic, that there's nothing I did wrong, and because each brain tumor is unique I don't think that all brain tumors are caused by radiation/cell phones. I speak about my fears of cell phone radiation because I don't want anyone else to go through what I'm going through. I wouldn't wish this life on a serial killer. Maybe that sounds drastic, but I wouldn't. Even the most evil people in the world don't deserve cancer. I guess, no one does. I just feel like I was foolish, ignoring warnings about cell phones. I'm telling you I was on my cell phone for 5+ hours most nights for years. I wish I wouldn't have poo-pooed my inner voice. She told me my head was hot, and sweating from my cell use. She told me that it couldn't be good for me. I ignored her. I'm sure moderate use of cell phones isn't a big deal, but I was not moderate. I blame myself for what has happened to my body. I can't change what has happened, and I'm working on forgiving myself, but it's a work in progress. My ignorance has massively altered my future, my entire life.

Anyway, enough about that. Below is a picture that Danny took while we were kayaking on Lake Union yesterday. Seattle has been sunny and hot for over a week - heaven!

Children and Cell Phones

This is an article for everyone, but specifically those with children. Please take special note to the images of how radiation permeates the brain while on a cell phone. Fascinating and terrifying at the same time. I still believe that my excessive, obnoxious cell phone use contributed - perhaps caused - my brain tumor.

Inflated American

I have been tracking my blood glucose levels just as professor Seyfried recommends, and the more I track, the less I want to eat carbs or sugars - even complex carbs or apples (my favorite food of all time).

I'm also still tracking all of my foods, even weighing them. I don't like guesswork. I've learned what an ounce looks like of meat, cheese, most veggies and such and I'm telling you - it's a lot less than you think!

Staying under 1200 calories has been a complete piece of cake, no pun intended. Once I get on a roll (jeez - I did it again) it's not bad. I had been eating an apple for breakfast but it tastes too sweet so I'm effectively back on the ketogenic-r diet instead of the standard-r. Both diets will help slow tumor growth - however, ketones fight tumor growth in their own right. So if you can restrict your food, then switch to eating ketogenic style to increase your ketones it's a one two punch.

The thing is, unfortunately, we eat too much and it's doing horrible things to our bodies. Our government standards for calorie intake are inflated - clearly. And most people are eating much more than that. Eating is fun. Moderation sucks. One cookie is good, three more is better - that is what my body tells me as it nervously giggles, 'hee hee...do it!' But we know better. We all know sugar is bad. It's obvious that the majority of us are overeating and it's causing diseases, cancer, chronic pain, mood issues, etc. But it's not fun to say no to ourselves. Sometimes I wish food wasn't related to cancer so I could just eat red licorice and jellybeans, then I realize how selfish and stupid and gluttonous that sounds. I have the chance to manage my cancer. I have the opportunity to live longer because of my food/drink choices. What a gift!

I am convinced that if you write down everything that you eat and drink it is impossible to not meet your goal, be it weight loss, lowering BG levels, cutting carbs, etc. It's a lot of work but it leaves no room for denial, for excuses, for failure. When the truth is staring at you in the face you have no choice but accept it.

I hope I'm not sounding preachy. The cool thing about life is that you can completely disagree with my views or think I'm nuts. I'm just like everyone else. I have been known to win eating contests (2 Chipotle burritos...yep you heard right!). I'm an American who loves food, but realizes how horrible our government standards are, that you have to look around and use common sense and make your own decisions on who to trust, who to believe. We all have choices, and one of them, for me, is to believe that the restricted diet isn't that restricted. It's closer to accurate.

Leaving you with a stunning photo from my French friend. This is her view. Stunning!

Progression vs Stable

I received my MRI results last Thursday. It took over an hour at the UW records department to get a copy of my radiology report. I almost threw up with the results. Immediately, I called Dr L's office at UCLA, for a second opinion, knowing that my case had been reviewed the day before at the tumor meeting. I spoke with EY Dr L's research nurse, the woman who presented my case to the board, and she said that the group believes I am "stable". I specifically asked if there was any area of concern (since they had been watching a specific area in January). Emma said all of the specialists, including Dr L who is on the board, believe things are okay and that I should go ahead and schedule my next MRI. I asked if I'm able to push out the MRI to six months (Dr L had originally said six months, but then I had a seizure and ruined everything). Emma said she would talk to Dr L about the possibility, and I just received the verdict this morning, my next MRI should be in July - three months. Bummer. I was really hoping to push that back. It's probably best so that we can monitor the shots and such, but MRIs are so stressful, and a completely ridiculously inexact science. Sometimes they are actually useless.

Here are some quotes from the Findings section of the UW reading that sent me in a slight tailspin...

"Compared to the January 26, 2013 exam, the extent of FLAIR signal abnormality appears increased on the anterior margin (image 702/37) and possibly postersuperior margin (image 702/37)."

"There is mild linear dural enhancement overlaying the upper section cavity"

The nail in the coffin came with this quote from the Impression...

"Findings could represent progression of disease"

Now, UW does not know that I'm doing the newcastle virus disease shots, in fact, I don't even meet with any doctor at UW any longer. I got sick of them pushing radiation on me, bullying me. They didn't even inform me of Dr Liau's clinical trial, I had to find that out on my own, through research and friends. They even discouraged me from doing the Ketogenic Diet. They said if I didn't do it perfectly there was no point. That's just asinine. Any time you keep your blood glucose low it's better than having it high, any time you have a day or a meal that is low carb, it will make you live longer (when dealing with a brain tumor). Yes, a restricted KD is best, but if you can't be that crazy disciplined, it doesn't mean you should grab an extra large movie popcorn and 84 ounce coke. Life is a sliding scale, and so is your blood glucose level.

So, I'm trying not to freak about the less than amazing MRI. Dr N had already warned me that the first couple of MRIs could look worse then get better; that it could appear the tumor is growing. What a horrible notion though, to trust someone (even when they're a world renowned doctor) with your life. Then, watch with your own eyes as something may appear to be getting worse but trusting that it will get better. I have yet to ever see my tumor get better once it has grown. I'm hopeful, and nervous, and excited at the concept of seeing my brain get cleaner, healthier, more beautiful. I need to trust, and believe, and relax. :) I'm glad I have the appointment with Dr Lesser in NC on the 23rd of the month. I deeply hope he agrees with the UCLA tumor board, and not UW.

The stress of the MRI (among other things - life has been NUTS), sent me off my RKD. I've been tracking my BG levels and my fasting level in the mornings has been 67, 64, 71, 63 - then this morning after having desert last night it was 84. Oops :) It was nice having several days of fun, though. Of eating grapes, apples, ice cream, a cookie, wine, sandwiches, humus, etc. With all of that I only went above 100 twice. After desert last night it was 117. On Saturday my fasting rate was 64 then Dan and I went to the gym and after working out it was 107. A 43 point jump. Holy crap! That's why Dr Seyfried doesn't want you to work out. He says you can do relaxing walks, but no real exercise because it raises BG levels too much. I trusted him, but also wanted to see for myself. Even though I had read the research it was eye opening.

This BG monitor is so much fun. It hurts to prick yourself, but the information is fascinating. This week instead of doing the RKD diet, I'm trying a RSD. RSD = restricted standard diet. I won't be eating the typical standard diet, however, because I will eliminate all simple sugars and carbs. The restricted part, for me is 1200 calories/day. I want to see how a healthy whole foods diet will effect my BG levels. In order for me to jump on any band wagon - even if it's backed by science like the RKD - I want to have all the information possible before I ultimately commit. I know I have been so excited about the RKD, and I truly hope you don't just take my word for it but read the amazing research for yourself, however, I always want to be completely sure about my choices.

The tricky part with the RKD is that Dr Seyfried wants you to keep your BG levels between 55-65 which is considered hypoglycemic. In the past when I have extremely low BG levels it has triggered dizziness, nausea, auras, even seizures. I'm not sure if it is healthy for me to be that extreme. The only way to find out, though, is if I test myself and really monitor my body. If I'm unable to remain in Seyfried's range but must instead live in the 65-75 BG range I can only imagine that it would be better than me just saying eff it and eating muffins at whim. Sometimes it's too hard to be that crazily restricted. All of the research is inspiring with the results they get, but putting it into practice on humans is shockingly drastic. Anyone who has to monitor BG will truly understand the challenge of diet and exercise and BG levels. The whole thing really makes me wonder about what Dr Seyfried eats :)

Also, sorry about my lack of response with emails and voicemail. I am trying to rest up and get caught up but it's a slow process.

Take The Fight

Good Morning! It's sunny and gorgeous outside, I may just grab Emma for a walk in a little bit. I have all kinds of things to take care of, though, so I'm a bit stressed. I saw a comment this morning about contacting me privately, I'm sorry for the confusion - it's definitely not easy to see my email address. If you scroll down and look at the left side of the blog, and click on the photo of Danny and I, it will send you to my little bio. On the left side of that page it says, Contact Me and if you click on Email it will direct you. But, in the interest of ease, here it is :) jessoldwyn@hotmail.com

Part of my stress is organizing for a very exciting trip. I have been invited to join the non-profit group TakeTheFight. I'm so excited! I'll be the first remote patient! So here's the deal, this program pairs incredibly gifted, driven students with cancer patients. My strategist is Lindsey, and I'm flying to meet her, the rest of the group and meet with Dr Glenn Lesser a neuro-oncologist at the end of the month...in North Carolina! Fun! Are you confused? I'm not explaining this very well...

I'm gathering all of my medical records from UCLA and UW and getting all of them over to NC so that they can make copies and compile everything in a coherent manner. Lindsey will review all of my pathology and review my case. She will help me make sense of what I'm going through, of what to do next, to understand what the doctors are recommending, and hopefully will help me understand my unique tumor morphology so that I pick the most effective treatments. Each brain tumor has its' own genetics and what works for one tumor - even within the same type - may not work for another. You really need to personally target your tumor, and approach it with a specific arsenal of treatments based on your unique pathology. That reminds me, I started my metformin today. I need to email Dr Seyfried with a question though, in his textbook he recommends against metformin, instead opting for a drug that is not released to the public, and another drug that costs $7000/month. I need some clarification. Dr C says I can do all at once (except for the one that I can't get access to). I want to know why Dr Seyfried isn't keen on the metformin with the RKD (restricted ketogenic diet). And I need to call my insurance to see if I can get the oober expensive phenylbutyrate (sp?) covered - not holding my breath. Phenylbutyrate fights gliomas on their own - can completely kill them! But the drug was created for a genetic defect. The price is exorbitant because those who are born with the defect are covered by the government for the rest of their lives. So, the pharmaceutical company can put whatever price tag they want on it and the US government has to pay it. How effing sick is that!?! It's not as expensive in Germany, according to Dr N but I can't get it there. Ok. I'm clearly off on a tangent and need to keep taking care of things or my brain will explode. If I didn't explain TakeTheFight very well, please check out their website! Oh shoot - just check it out anyway, the program is GENIUS. It's the future of cancer care. To have your own advocate? Heck yes! And what's better than a student? Nothing. Young brilliant minds. Problem solvers.

Here's Lindsey, my new partner in crime...fighting :)

I've attached an interesting interview with Dr Thomas Seyfried, the King of Keto (I just made up that nickname). Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Metabolic Control Analysis

Cancer as a Metabolic Disease

I have been hounding UCLA for MRI results from my April 20th scan. (Apparently, Dr Liau has been out of town since Friday and will return on Thursday.) Just an hour ago I got a phone call from one of Dr Liau's colleagues letting me know that my MRI is being assessed tomorrow at the UCLA tumor board. That is where they decide if they're going to recommend radiation. Yikes. Although I will opt out of radiation regardless of what they recommend (at least I believe I will), it would definitely scare me if they think I am at a place in tumor growth that would warrant such a drastic treatment. Of course, radiation does not extend my life, and causes such irreversible damage, I feel it would be crazy for me to even entertain the thought. Although I don't have to be afraid of the damages of radiation at this point, I am terrified of what that recommendation would imply. I'm hoping to find out their recommendation (like watch and wait or perhaps even extend my MRIs to six months or worst case scenario - radiation & chemo) either Thursday or Friday. If I have to wait until next week I don't know what I will do.

As an aside, Dan and I had a blast camping and although I didn't eat too poorly, I did jump out of ketosis. It was totally worth it though - we had a blast and even enjoyed some of my mom's delicious cookies. To jump start my ketosis, I started a water fast last night. I'm excited about it, and feel great. It will only last a couple of days, and I'll rest and continue researching in the meantime. Water fasting is incredibly healthy for your body. I've been researching and emailing the ever gracious Dr Thomas Seyfried with questions about his research and book, Cancer as a Metabolic Disease: On the Origin, Management, and Prevention of Cancer, and that's what has turned me into a true believer. If you have brain cancer, you truly must buy this book and learn about real research that will effect and extend your life. It's truly amazing. It's very expensive, over $100, but it's a literal text book that will not leave you hanging. It is so detailed. And, I didn't understand figure 17.1 so I emailed Dr Seyfried and he clarified within a few hours. How cool is that!?! If you want to combat your brain cancer, to do whatever you can, there is no other place to start. The science is proven, time and time again, study after study - even replicated in humans (not just in mice).

From the research of Dr Thomas Seyfried, I have purchased a Precision Xtra Blood Glucose & Ketone Monitoring System. It will help me keep my blood glucose levels low (55-65) and my ketones stable (4.0) through monitoring, which will limit the food sources of my tumor. No more guessing. Monitoring my glucose and ketones is a natural step since I've already been recording, measuring, and limiting my foods. I'm excited to see how my supplements effect my blood glucose levels, also I've read lotions and bath soaps/shampoos can spike blood glucose. I can't wait to turn myself into a little lab rat!

To be clear, the restricted ketogenic diet is not enough to stop my cancer, however, it drastically slows tumor growth.

Headed Home

No major complications! I even feel okay. We're at JFK and should be boarding in 30 minutes (never mind our plane was sequestered - furloughs). It has been a fabulous trip, I feel pretty great, and as always it was fantastic to see Dr N & Dr C.

Just 6.5 (+/++) hours and I'll be in Danny's arms :)

I have had so much fun with Amy, my buddy from high school. I'm so lucky that I have such amazing people in my life!

Hope you are having a wonderful day, with sunshine outside your window.

Only the essentials...

MRI

Today has been fabulous. It is absolutely wonderful having my MRIs on Saturdays. I only saw one other patient, things are always on time, no one is stressed, and there's more privacy. The girls that work on Saturday are really sweet, and funny, and the nurse is really good at setting IVs. My vein busted on the first poke, but try two was superb.

Dan and I have been reviewing the MRI scans from January and today. We've been fidgeting with the enhancements, lighting, and zoom. It is so hard to tell what we're looking at, however, in the past we have seen obvious growth at least once, this time we see no obvious growth. Dan and I personally went to the post office and mailed our copy of the scan to Dr Liau. Last time it took over a month to have my scan read by UCLA, now they should have it by Tuesday. Sometimes you just need to take things into your own hands.

I'm hoping we'll get a read on my brain by the end of this week, fingers crossed that they don't find anything concerning. There's still so much inflammation, but that's to be expected. I feel relieved, and hopeful, but you never know with this stuff. For now I'm going to take a nap, then Danny's taking me to get a steak :)

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.

As an aside, it always amazes me when I look at my poor sweet damaged brain. It's so good to me, and has been through so much. It's pretty incredible. I'm really lucky.

Metformin, Miracle?

Yesterday was gorgeous, so I grabbed Emma, and for the first time in over a month, I walked the lake without Danny or any of my friends. I packed a satchel with ice water (a necessity if I have a seizure), aura medication, and my cell phone. It went so well that I did it again today. It's nice to get out, walking is no running, but it's better than nothing :)

I've also been researching like crazy. I'm trying to find additional treatments that will supplement my current protocol. One such addition is metformin. It's a drug that regulates blood glucose in those with type 2 diabetics and is shown to cut off the food supply of solid tumors, even the hard to reach (because of the blood brain barrier) brain tumors. I had been looking into various blood glucose medications on Saturday night, while Dan was at the movies with his buddies, when *bam* in my inbox appeared an email from a friend of the blog. David's father was diagnosed with a glioblastoma last year and somehow he happened to check into the blog again (as he had done a time or two before) and emailed me some pretty badass information about gliomas & metformin. One of the articles even referenced an increase in efficacy when combined with a low glucose style diet (hello Keto!). This is exciting! So now, I'm getting all of my ducks in a row so that I can discuss getting a prescription while I'm in NYC visiting Dr NYC & Dr Germany.

I want to do everything I can to fight smart and truly target my specific tumor. I'm quite exhausted, and truthfully, I don't feel very hopeful about this MRI or the future. I'm scared. The seizure and the numbness have really rattled me. I've had encouragement because people have reminded me that the vaccines do cause inflammation which could interfere with my brain's signals, but somehow that doesn't make me feel better. I don't want the scans to get worse, once they're bad, I've never seen them improve. The only thing I have is right now, if it looks like the tumor area has worsened, I can't bank on it just being inflammation. It's hard to explain, I guess, but if you see a duck it's very hard to say it might be a squirrel.

Sorry to be such a downer, but as this cancer progresses, and things continue to become more and more complicated, it is hard to shake things off. If I sit and do nothing, Hermie will continue to grow and he will kill me. If I sit, then do radiation and chemo, Hermie will kill me. The only way I am going to survive is if I come up with the correct combination of out-of-the-box treatments. Hermie continues to grow, we have watched him from the onset. My job, which I have yet to succeed, is to outsmart him.

Man I'm tired. I'm so dog tired from researching, from checking foods, weighing my foods, dieting, worrying about seizures, trying not to stress, stressing about stressing. My eyes are hot. Ok. It's off to my nightly soak. I'm doing everything I can to relax, but sometimes life is almost more than I can handle. Which is ironic because it's all I want.

Just a few more days until the MRI. EEEEEEEEEEEEK. Good thing I have distractions...

New Schedule

Bad news. I had an aura on Monday. I hadn't been sleeping well and as you know I woke to Emma pooping all over the house, I went into frantic clean mode and started a pot of tea. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was cleaning, taking care of bills, and running around the house like I was on crack (not that I've used crack, but I have seen a few eye opening movies). I drank four cups of black tea, and since I've been on my 600 calorie fast, my body was not capable of dealing with the caffeine, lack of sleep, and lack of food. Silly me. Luckily, since it was 6:30 pm Dan was home. We calmed me down (I could not use my right arm at all), then Dan scooped me into his arms, carried me up to bed, and tucked me in. He placed my eye covers on and my Bose headphones over my ears, slipped half of a muscle relaxer in my mouth (at my request - a goodie from surgery), I swallowed and continued to sleep for the next 14 hours.

I now have a new schedule. I am in bed by 8:00 pm (although the past two nights it has been 7:00 pm), and it is lights out at 9:00 pm. If I can't sleep, I play what I like to call the Alphabet Game. I use the alphabet and start with the letter A and I let the name of a person come into my mind and I think about him or her and I hope things for them. An example: Annie. I hope that Annie has had a wonderful day, that she's being smothered with kisses by her two precious little daughters. I hope that Annie feels loved, and valued, and that she feels completely content in this moment. It's a really fun game to play :) It relaxes me, and so far I've never made it past U. Maybe tonight I'd better start at the end and work myself forward. I'll start with Zorida. I don't know a lot of Z named people, so I get the feeling I'll be thinking of her a lot :)

Also, I stay in bed until 8:00 am. So from 7:00 pm - 8:00 am my phone will be off. Also, my big vice is reading and reading and reading and then sleeping. I can read from 7:00 pm - 8:00 pm then I have to turn out the light. And I'm back to mandatory naps. 1:00 pm - 3:00 pm. No reading at that time either (unless I want to get into bed early).

Some of this might sound crazy, or all of it for that matter, but I need boundaries. I want to go and go and clean and do stuff. I feel proud when I'm accomplishing things, but it is so important for me to take care of myself and rest. I have been a very bad girl, and I have not been resting much. That is all changing, though. And no more black tea while fasting. No caffeine while fasting, actually.

I want to be a normal girl that can have a coffee or black tea, but that has been a problem even while eating regularly. Ever since the brain surgeries anyway. It's sad, but things change. I have so many things that I can not do, or eat, or drink, but oh well. I can be sad, then I try to move on. It's not the end of the world. I keep trying to trick myself into telling myself that it's just like aging. When you get older your body starts to tell you more and more about what it doesn't want.

Anyway, I need to get prepped for bed. Sweet dreams everyone.

Oh ya! Today was day 7. I have decided to stop the fast tomorrow and switch back to the regular reduced calorie ketogenic diet until the MRI on the 20th. The only exception is that on this Saturday, the 13th, Dan is taking me to Salty's on Alki for brunch. I will stick to my ketogenic - low carb foods, but I will not limit my calories. It's a treat, and a celebration because April 13th is the three year anniversary of my diagnosis. Obviously I'm not celebrating the tumor, we are celebrating the fact that I've been alive for the past three years. My diagnosis could have been much more severe, like anaplastic astrocytoma or worse yet a glioblastoma. I am grateful every day that I'm alive, and on Saturday Dan and I will cheers to some dungeness crab and to our beautiful life together. I'm really excited :)

Happy Hair

Today (and everyday), I am incredibly happy to have hair. It was fun shaving my head back in 2010, however, the grow-out was excruciating. This time, I decided to just see if I could finagle a way to grow out all of the shaved areas, hoping that it wouldn't be a complete disaster. I knew that I could always shave the whole thing later if it didn't work out. Here are a couple of current photos of my happy, healthy short, but rapidly growing hairs. I literally just took the photos (except for the final picture which was from my dinner date with Jobi, Ashley, and Christel).

I'm so excited about my hair! How fun is this!?! Remember last October.....

Look what I can do now.....I call it my Snooki poof :)

You guys, look! I'm seriously over the stars about this. I finally feel feminine, and beautiful, and normal. I have a warrior's clandestine life that passerbys don't know about; I just look like a healthy, happy woman. You guys know that I have secrets about the war that I'm waging, but I don't like to wear it on my sleeve - or on my head for that matter. That's why I write the blog, to get things out, to share information, and also so that I can emote whenever I want and I don't wear down my friends and family (especially my poor husband) - although, inevitably, at times I must be draining on loved ones. I know that this tumor is very hard on those around me, and I'm really sorry that life works that way. I wish it didn't. I want my people (and everyone for that matter) to be happy. Wouldn't that be great? All happy, all the time. :) Genuinely.

Just a little secret...I'm giddy today - okay, THAT'S not the secret - I woke up to Emma the dog spraying the house with diarrhea. Then, because Bingie the cat has a soft stomach, he threw up at the smell. It has been quite the Monday morning. But it's all cleaned up, and although I threw up as well because the smell and disaster was truly horrific, I can't help but laugh and be glad that I'm here to be able to clean poop and vomit and live my life.

PS It's day 5 of my fast/food restriction and I'm feeling great! I'm figuring out the best food combinations to feel full and maximize my energy levels. This whole 600 calorie thing isn't so bad! (Although I might have to eat those words later for sustenance.)

Day 4

Hi guys. I'm officially almost half way through my fast. Woo. Hoo. I do not know how people starve themselves, it feels so unnatural. I have had several questions about the research and efficacy of this fast/food restriction so I have decided to post the most informative research paper I've found. You don't have to understand the whole thing, skimming is almost just as good, either way I hope if you have questions or concerns this paper alleviates any doubt that I'm doing the healthiest thing for my body.

An added advantage to this ketogenic diet that I've been on for the past few weeks, and now the restricted style fast, is that I'm down to 142 lbs (starting point hovering between 150-155). I don't care so much about the weight loss so much as the realization that as each pound of fat evaporates from my body I am eliminating Hermie's pantry. Bwahaahaha!! So awesome! I have had much excitement in the tumor bed, and my right arm and hand are actively going in and out of sensation (mostly out). My right side is very much in tune with my tumor so any activity excites me. It's also scary because it could mean bad things, like growth, but I'm copying research, so it should only be positive results. I'm trying to tell myself that anyway :) I'm depriving myself of glucose and that's exciting! We know Hermie can't eat ketones, so that's a great start.

Anyway, there is so much about this concept, like checking blood glucose and blood ketone levels, etc., but I'm not going to go into it all. Hopefully this paper is helpful. This is definitely tough, but I want Hermie out of my body. I don't want to manage my life and just slow Hermie down. I want to live healthily, prosper, laugh and travel and have a day when my family can come together at a holiday or special occasion and actually be able to celebrate, to no longer have the black cloud hovering over all of us. Hermie's black cloud is ever present, and I'm sick of him. I try to remain positive, but living with a ticking death clock is very stressful. I want him gone.

Seyfried Et Al., TSO

Seyfried's Fast

After further research, yesterday, I started a therapeutic fast. For brain cancer, and seizures, it's recommended to do a 7-10 day water-only fast. You can do up to 600 calories and extend the duration if the water-only restriction is too hard for you. Or for me for that matter.

It is my second day, and I tried to do only water, but it hurt my stomach too badly. I decided I will start this off with the shortest duration (7 days) and the maximum allowed calories (600). Start with the easiest option for the hardest task :) that's my new motto.

See ya Hermie. No glucose. No carbs like usual. Only 600 calories a day. I feel like I have my armor on and I'm headed into battle again. My MRI is in two weeks, Saturday April 20th. The results of this one are huge. If the area they're 'watching' grows, Dr Liau said they will want me to do radiation. The thought alone makes me ill. So much is riding on this. You'd think it would get easier, and easier, but as things progress it ups stakes.

Over A Decade Later

How fun is this, one of my college roommates was in town for work and we were able to meet up for a dinner. So fun! We hadn't seen each other for 11 years. Isn't she just the cutest!?!? Christel and Ashley joined us. It was hilarious, and fun, and I was again reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful life :)

Yep. Those definitely ARE Texas shaped sunglasses.

Thank you for all of the uplifting comments on the blog, and the helpful hints! I should clarify a few things...

1. The majority of my days are on the restricted ketogenic diet. I have lost about six pounds because of it. Some days, on the weekends or if I'm just in the mood to eat more, I eat the generic ketogenic diet. It's very important to restrict my calories in order for the ketogenic diet to starve my brain tumor or alleviate my seizure problem, but in order for me to stay on the diet I have to allow myself days when I can eat as much ketogenic friendly foods as I want. That way I don't feel deprived. I have been in ketosis for almost two weeks now. I have not cheated, nor have I wanted to. Not yet anyway :). I keep my carbs lower than 20 grams per day. If you want more information, as Scott commented, check out Dr Thomas Seyfried one of the foremost researchers on the ketogenic diet, brain cancer, and seizures (along with other diseases).

2. I have been taking lion's mane mushroom (H. erinaceus) supplements in order to boost my t-cell growth and macrophages which together increase your body's ability to fight cancer. However, thank you for the anonymous comment lion's mane stimulating nerve growth factor (NGF), and the subsequent effect on tumor growth. That caused me to research further and learned some frightening things. The great thing about supplements is that there are many options to increase my immune system, and after further research I will not be taking the lion's mane mushroom. Thank you for the help!

I appreciate any and all suggestions/information. Sometimes it's hard for me to sift through things, but eventually I make it through. Research sends me on a billion tangents and when people share their research/resources it gives me a better direction. Thanks!!

And thanks again for the support, for encouraging me to believe. Your help and love are what keeps me energized. Without all of my friends, my family, the readers of the blog and my adorable husband, I would long have fallen into a deep depression. So thank you. From the deepest part of my heart, I appreciate you all!

I Need To Believe

This last weekend was such a blast! Danny and I were able to pack Emma and a bunch of goodies for a quick road trip to Wenatchee. We didn't tell my parents we were coming, and they were completely surprised and ecstatic - I'm horrible about keeping surprises secret, but somehow I managed. As we drove closer and closer, I became more and more giddy. I am so lucky to have two amazing parents who give me so much love. They are incredibly supportive. I had been needing more hugs lately, and on Saturday morning my parents engulfed me, it was so healing. I love the fact that I can tell my parents anything. They understand so much because they see things that I'm going through, the struggles, the demands on my body, on my mind, they know so much because we talk almost daily. But it's different to get a hug :) A hug might be the best support I could ever get.

My Saturday morning hug came because I was honest with my parents about how I feel about my future. I have been trying very hard to keep a brave face, to shove down the thoughts of failure, of death, but it's not as easy as it once was. Unfortunately, in January, a very close friend said to me, "You know, there's a chance that none of these treatments will work. That there's nothing you can do." It was quite possibly the most painful thing that I've ever been told, and I said that to her. Obviously, you guys understand that I realize, only too well, that I might just die. That my fate may be sealed. That I'm spinning my wheels to no avail. It's something that crosses my mind several times a day, then I try like hell to be positive, to fight on. Just for future reference for friends and family, I only want support. I want to believe - I NEED to believe - that I can beat this diagnosis. I need unfailing support. I can not have anyone say to my face that I might not make it. You guys can say it behind my back, that's fine, but not to my face. It's just unnecessary, and cruel. Her words resonate in my mind and I hate it. It physically hurts my heart, my soul, and sucks at my hope. And I know that it's stupid for me to be effected by someone's words, but words are powerful, especially when they echo your own fears. Ok. Enough of that, I just had to get it off of my chest. For the record, I know that my friend didn't mean to hurt me, but obviously it did. Some things just don't need to be said.

Dealing with cancer is a 24 hour 7 day a week kind of thing. I'm constantly trying to think positive thoughts, making healthy decisions, researching supplements, diets, treatments, doing anything I can so that I know that I'm up on all of the latest treatments and tricks that fight brain cancer. It's exhausting because as I research I also learn so much about the things that don't work, I read stories of people time and time again that have not made it. Brain cancer is one of the least forgiving cancers. It ravages your being, your mind, who you are. Reading and researching is emotional and scary. I feel I need to do it because I learn so much, that I need to be my own expert, my own advocate, but it's terrifying. It becomes overwhelming and that's why I need the outlet of this blog, to just purge my feelings and fears. Somehow, being open and honest about how I'm feeling gives me strength, it makes me feel honest, and transparent.

On a positive note, I have officially been in ketosis for 10 days. Ketosis is when your body uses ketones to burn energy instead of glucose (ie: sugar or carbs). The science behind this diet of low carb, high fat, medium protein, is that your body's organs and cells can fuel them selves off of ketones, and tumors and cancer cells can only eat glucose. Therefore, the less glucose you provide your body, the more you starve the cancer.

I have tried this diet before, several months after my first brain surgery, but it was too restrictive. I was still yearning to eat the foods of my friends, to share wine with the girls, I was unable to completely commit. Thankfully, I have a renewed strength and amazing friends who don't mind if I'm drinking Pelligrino, or abstaining from most foods. The girls that I've been able to spend time with, Christel, and Libbey, and Laura, have been so supportive. They want me to succeed above their own immediate desires, discussing the details of my lifestyle so that they can join in when we're together. It's so nice to be able to talk about the details of what I'm going through, what I'm researching. Each time I explain the ketogenic diet and its' relevance to brain tumors and seizures, I gain further insight into the whole process. It solidifies my memory and makes it easier to continue. Also the girls have all kinds if ideas on recipes, we end up turning it into a fun excuse to do something different, to problem solve.

Over the weekend Dan, my parents and I golfed 9 holes at Desert Canyon (We played best ball - which I must be honest took three hours. Ha!) and it was a blast. My goal these days is to continue to get out and enjoy life. It requires lots of naps and resting later, but it is so worth it!

Happy Easter from Dan & Jess

I may not be able to drive cars, but I'm one heck of a golf cart chauffeur :)

Those things really need seat belts....

Seattle

It has been absolutely stunning these days, sunny, warm; it's perfect. After another 12 hour sleep session, I feel back to normal. Woo hoo! These shots, and even more so the traveling, are exhausting on my body, but at the same time, in my most tired state, I'm giddy at the prospect of positive results. (It's better to believe than be a skeptic - what's the point in starting off with a bad attitude?) Now, with my ketogentic diet in full effect (tomorrow is a week) I am hammering Hermie from multiple fronts. He is under full attack. Bwahahahahahaahaha!!

I hope you all have a fabulous Easter weekend. I won't have any kids to watch on Easter egg hunts this year, but I'm imagining my friend's children with their squeals and excitement and it makes me giggle and smile. I'm glad I have a vivid imagination :)

More so than ever, I keep thinking about how lucky I am. I truly have no complaints and it feels calming. With each trial, I move forward, step by step, conquering life. Of course, I have bad days too, but that also helps make times like this even sweeter!

Hope you all are able to enjoy some sunshine. Bask in the glory of Spring. New beginnings. New life.

Back on Keto

Hi, I'm back among the living! I'm still exhausted, and trying to keep up, but no big deal.

The trip was great. Libbey and I flew in and went directly to the hotel. We put on our jammies and climbed into bed. We ordered food (thanks Nate & Miriam for the gift certificate) and rested. The next morning, we woke around noon (I think). We lounged around, then made our way out into the beautiful NYC streets. We stopped into my favorite little juice bar for a shot and juice and crossed the street to the appointment. We met with Dr NYC at 3:45 pm. I talked to him about the aura the morning after last month's shot and he was excited. He said that means the treatment is likely working. Sweet! I told him about the seizure that occurred a few weeks back, while I was sleeping - the one Danny watched - and he stopped what he was doing, swiveled his chair and softly said, "Because of stress?" I affirmed, and he brought up (for the second time in our meetings) the ketogenic diet. For those of you who have long read this blog, you're aware that I've tried to do the ketogenic diet, but it is so incredibly hard. I have never been able to stay on it for long periods of time. Anyway, Dr NYC and I revisited the concept because of its' doubled effect on astrocytomas and seizures.

After the shot, Libbey and I went back to the hotel and climbed back into bed. We watched TV and played Words With Friends on our phones in our respective beds...in my rush I forgot to pack my game board. Oops. And, yes, WWF is basically scrabble :)

I handled the achy-ness just fine. It was definitely necessary to be in bed. I didn't sleep well with the flu-like symptoms. It was nothing compared to the flight the next day though. If I had not been in a crowded plane, but instead home alone, I would have been spurting expletives under my breath and wincing for the entire 5+ hours. The only thing that helped was sparkling water over ice. The bubbles are distracting, and somehow always make me in turn, feel more bubbly. So if I don't feel well, the happy bubbles can take me from down in the dumps into a normal-ish place. I strongly believe that distractions are the best pain reliever. And, after the pain during the neurosurgical floor at UCLA, for me there is nothing more painful than brain surgery. Everything else is just effing annoying. The pain in my brain was excruciating. Pins and needles that had been heated over a fire, pang after pang, burn after burn. But with each continuing moment, I knew that the pain was coming from a place of healing. At one point it was hard for me to hold back tears, good thing Jet Blue has cable TV. Another distraction. No seizures though, not even an aura. The trip was a massive success.

Since getting home I have reinstituted the ketogenic diet as my lifestyle choice. I am hoping it will quell any brain tumor growth, and also eradicate my seizures. There is a good deal about the ketogenic diet slowing, stopping, and even shrinking astrocytomas. Crazy! And (I'm simplifying this), the diet can cause about 50% of seizure sufferers to become seizure free. That sounds good, too, doesn't it!

It is highly restrictive, but I've been doing it for five days so far, and I've been consistently in ketosis for four of them (I urinate on keto sticks to check my levels). If you're in ketosis, it means that your body is burning fat from your body as fuel. (If your levels get too high you'll burn muscle - that's why you have to eat so much fat.) It's very complicated, and that's the main reason why I haven't blogged. I've been researching for hours upon hours. I'm so intrigued by this concept, and I've learned so much! I have been researching the keto concept ever since I was diagnosed, but I always want to learn more. It has been very helpful learning from the diabetics out there on the internet (they use keto sticks to check their ketone levels to make sure they're okay). Also, weightlifters use the ketone concept to burn fat and gain muscle.

Here's the daily breakdown:
Carbs 20 grams
Protein 100 grams
Fat 140 grams

It's all based on my body weight, height, build, activity level, age, gender, and several other factors. For those who aren't familiar, I can imagine the diet sounds crazy. And it did to me too, but this is not junk science. Doctors have been using this diet (or a variation) for decades. It was first published in the 1920's to treat epilepsy. Over a month ago I stopped drinking coffee, along with alcohol, not to mention refined sugar. It has not been too difficult to eliminate my carbs. I've even gotten pretty good at playing with my random recipes. I feel great, too!

I'm exhausted, so I'm headed to bed to read and hopefully sleep through the night. Dan's working nights for the next week or two, so our systems are completely off. I'm not being a very good sleeper :) Dan sleeps during the day, and I try to nap with him, or live quiet as a turtle.

Sweet dreams my friends. Here are two of my favorite pictures (not because they're pretty - they're definitely not - but I love what they signify to me).

Snow drifting down on Seattle in big fat fluffy flakes the morning after I arrived home. It felt like the weather was representing what was happening in my brain with the virus penetrating my tumor bed, melting any residual tumor with sneaky little virus cells.

The same day, three hours later. Sunshine.

The very next morning, for the first time this year (that I had seen), the beloved turtles were awake at Green Lake. They give me such peace and happiness each time I see them sunbathing. They always make me feel so alive and grateful.

Shot 3

I'm home. I'm safe. For the next 72 hours I'm on lockdown, Dan's orders. No technology (blogging, phone calls, emails, texting, etc.). Time to rest. Love you all!

Shots Shots Shawttts

Wheat grass, then on to the NVD. Libbey is such a great sport. She's even sipping her cabbage, carrot, ginger, and chard juice. "Pretty much, it tastes like I'm drinking a salad. I've had a lot of worse tasting ginger things though," she said through her giggling dimples.

We Made It!

PJs .....check!
Man vs Food .....check!

Libbey and I are safe and cozy in bed. The newcastle disease virus shot is at 3:45 pm tomorrow, and I'm excited, as always, to hit Hermie with a right hook! Adios squirmie.

Lemo-eep

Sorry to continue on and on about lemons, but I'm on quite a kick. Although acidic, they are great at balancing out blood sugar levels, purifying your blood and maintaining a healthy ph balance (there's a belief in some circles that an alkaline diet reduces the occurrence of cancer). It's great for brain function (I guess there's a bunch of potassium in the juice), and it boosts your immune system. I'm mostly excited about the fact that it helps cure insomnia. Tonight, I think I'll count lemons instead of sheep.

There is so much information out there about the benefits of lemons and fresh lemon juice, it's pretty astounding, and really exciting. I always love finding new delicious ways to jumpstart or maintain my health. You can even use the juice to zap zits. No joke! And it evens out your skin tone. Just be careful because it also makes your skin more vulnerable to the sun.

It's lemon counting time for me, but before I go, I'll mention Dan's favorite green drink. I use a Vitamix by the way, and would use no other brand - it is THAT fantastic. I don't use protein powders, I haven't found one that didn't have at least one questionable ingredient. Also, I don't need any extra protein, I get lots and lots from my diet. Sorry I can't be of more help on that front.

My quantities are eyeballed, so feel free to tweak things. This is a batch that creates about 2.5 pints. I make this for both Dan and I on Sundays, his day off of the week.

3 c raw spinach
3-4 large leaves of raw kale (remove stem)
2 medium-large ripe bananas
2-3 cups of cold water

The mixture should be runny (if not, slowly add water). Fill two pint glasses, leaving just a little room. Add 1 tablespoon of orange flavored fish oil to each glass. Stir. Drink. Use the rest of the mixture for whoever is the hungriest. Dan said its the best green drink he's ever had, like a green orange julius. He doesn't even know there's fish oil in it :) insert evil laugh here: bwa-ha-ha!

Personally, I prefer the same drink, less one banana, but ill make it however I need to so that he enjoys it, and now that I added the extra banana, he actually wants to drink it. To me that's a huge success!

You can save your green drink, or lemon juice for later in the day if you'd like. I don't because I prefer it fresh, and am able to blend/juice on a whim because I'm always home. I wouldn't go more than a day, though, before drinking it. The sooner you drink it the fewer enzymes and nutrients disappear. Some breakdown and die within 15 minutes. And your green drink will separate, and that's less than appealing, but if you have time issues, or want to take it with you to work, just pop it into a cup with a lid and shake it before you drink it. Even if some of the nutrients and enzymes die, there will still be huge health benefits to drinking the drinks, so don't just give up. It's still, most likely, going to be the healthiest thing you could have while at the office.

PS Happy Saint Patty's Day! I made Dan and I our green drinks, and we did lemon shots to celebrate. Not the same shots I used to do, but just as fun!

Lemon Shots

I had a busy weekend perfecting my lemon shots. They're finally to the point where Dan will drink them. The trick is to mix equal parts pure fresh juiced lemon and refrigerated water (so it's nice and refreshing). Then sprinkle cayenne pepper on top. It's like drinking a shot of espresso, causing a burst of energy.

I'm also juicing lemons as I go, then pouring it into ice cube trays. Those cubes are great for glasses of water, or you can pop them into a tumbler, and place it in the fridge to thaw for a shot for later. For the record, I add the cayenne later, not on the tray.