Monday, May 17, 2010

Going Slowly

Today, in Wenatchee I have an 11:00am appointment to meet with another speech therapist that specializes in brain injuries. If the therapist is a good fit I will be living at my house and doing therapy for the following month. It was really relaxing to live at Laura's house and I loved being in the city, but it will also be nice to be close to my parents and do silly things like weed in my garden.

I'm interested to see the second therapist and see what she thinks about my baseline, and what I need to work on. I really hope that this woman is going to be more encouraging, and hopeful. If I'm going to be working with a person for a month I really want a teammate. I might find out that like the UW they just don't want to get my hopes up (regarding my growth and expectations), but I WANT them to get my hopes up. Kind of the way a man is supposed to tell you that your jeans don't make you look fat - sometimes you just want to be lied to.

I have confession to make. I completely freaked out two nights ago. I was exhausted and run down (probably from traveling over the pass) and I had a complete meltdown. Poor Danny. By the end of the night, I was so tired that I could hear that Danny was speaking, and I could see that his lips were moving, but I couldn't understand what he was saying and I completely freaked out. It was the scariest moment of recover so far. My brain just completely shut down. I guess I'm still not back to normal. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up one morning and be back to my regular life and personality. It just doesn't happen like that.

After being terrified, thinking I was losing my mind and going backwards in recovery, it was perfect timing that my friend AJ shared a story this morning in an email. I was needing some insight. Here is what AJ wrote...... "So I have a patient who's daughter has had 3 craniotomies (all before she was 25)... and this is her advice for you 'take it slow, real slow, the slower you take it this first year, the more energy and function you'll have all the years after.' " (I have no idea how fix the punctuation - I used to be so good at this stuff. Oh well - you guys get the jest of it). Can you believe this poor girl!?! See - my life isn't bad! Three craniotomies by age 25? I love hearing these stories, especially advice on how to deal with things and how to go from here. I would normally power through things like a work horse but after hearing from people that know more than me I will gladly do what they recommend. I want to be better. I'm just grateful that people will share their knowledge and their stories. So, I'm going to take it easy. I'm going to try to relax and calm down. That's what I'm going to focus on today, going slow.

7 comments:

  1. I'm glad you can get some prospective, You have been though so much. I sit and read your blog and think how far you really have come, be encouraged that looking on the out side you have done an amazing job!!!! So for some one reading this every few days I feel you are in a great place and will only go up from here on out, Keep the faith and know that we are praying for you to make a full recovery... Allison& Bryan.p

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  2. Hi Jessica,
    When I was in college a professor shared a concept which was new for me. He said that we need to look at little tiny changes in a different perspective. If we can make one little tiny change that leads us in a certain direction today, then that change over time will result in a big significant change. Do not be discouraged when your efforts produce changes that are smaller than what you hoped for. Take the long perspective and see that they are heading you down the path that will get you where you want to go. Be patient with yourself!
    Diana Clark

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  3. Luv you Jess. You are truly an inspiration. AJ

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  4. Dang! Such true words. We all need to go slowly. Thanks for the reminder. By the way... I just watched a home video of when we were in elementary school and in pig 4H! hahaha! You, Kaal, Noah and Ben Waldron, Matt Miller, Elliot and me... all running those pigs around the fair with the canes. I have to send you this video, sooo funny. Keep writing!

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  5. 'I can fly higher than an eagle..........you are the wind beneath my wings'
    Right now Jess there are others that will provide the wind beneath your wings......just soar for a while.........love your 'voice' and the voices of those who love you. Jennifer

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  6. Jesse, try something totally new like finger painting, painting rocks, something that challenges you another way and maybe can be relaxing and spontaneous and bizarrely (sp) fun. You're working so hard and not giving yourself time to heal first. You go-getter you. Try something crazy. I know: beading!!!!! xoxoxoxo and try to be patient. You're such a sweetheart. xoxoxoxooxoxo

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  7. Jess! Your words are inspiring for everybody’s everyday life...”Relax and take it slow.” My favorite Grandpa Jack told me way back when "To always stop and smell the flowers." Take it slow and breath it all in. You are doing an amazing job. Your writing continues to amaze me daily. I Can't wait to see you.

    xoxo

    Julia

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