Stabilizing Blood Glucose

I was worried, while I was out of town that my little garden might have died from the heat but alas, instead, my flowers were blooming!

I'm starting to feel more rested. I had a fabulous 11 hour sleep last night. It was glor-eee-ous. Since I'm back and I have less than 10 days before my MRI I wanted to hit my restricted ketogenic diet hard, but my blood glucose numbers were wild. I don't know if being on the restricted ketogenic diet causes your body to become more sensitive to insulin or perhaps desensitizes you, but it has been insane. Before I headed out to Friday Harbor last week I had an episode where my blood glucose fell so low that I felt like I was having a seizure. We believe it was not a seizure though, just a severe hypoglycemic attack. It was very scary. Because of that episode, we decided that while on vacation I was not going to be fasting or restricting calories, or being nuts about food choices. As you know from the previous post, my body was all messed up from traveling and excessive excitement, so it's probably a good thing that I wasn't being crazy about my food too.

Yesterday, back on my regular plan, I was freezing and very dizzy. I wasn't even doing anything, I was sitting down. I quickly decided to check my blood glucose and it was 45. That is dangerously low. I was having problems thinking, it was confusing me to even work my blood glucose monitor - I couldn't figure out which end of pricker thing to draw blood. I immediately ate 2 ounces of nuts (that's quite a bit), and it caused a temporary rise of 13 points, then within moments I was back down to 51. I couldn't stabilize my numbers for the life of me. Worried I was going to endure a hypoglycemic seizure, I ate half of a banana (definitely not ketogenic). I don't know what's going on in my body, but this tumor killing blood glucose range of 55-65 for Seyfried is very, very tricky. And if you're not careful, it can be dangerous.

I know I can figure this out, and I know it will continue to get easier so I'm not worried, but I figured I'd share my experience in case anyone else out there trying to do Seyfried's plan had encountered similar problems. It's very tricky playing with low blood glucose when you already have a seizure problem. Almost like playing with fire. But if we didn't play with fire we wouldn't have much of our food. Know what I mean? And I know that it's important to keep my blood glucose very low in order to keep circulating glucose low so that I minimally feed the tumor. I say minimally because it's impossible to completely limit glucose. Our body creates glucose from excess glutamine (protein), and also I've read that our bodies can convert one of the triglycerides from fat (not much, but still important to know - that's why you can't eat unrestricted fat) into glucose. Anyway, I'm getting too detailed, which can get boring. It's all stuff that you'll read about if you choose to get into this lifestyle. In fact, here is the most comprehensive website that I've ever found about the KD. It is inspiring, encouraging, informative, and I enjoy rereading it often just to boost my excitement about the program. This diet is fabulous for anyone, it benefits cancer patients, those with Alzheimer's disease, diabetics, those with seizures, and so much more. The information is fascinating, whether or not you want to follow it. Enjoy! http://www.ketogenic-diet-resource.com/

It's too bad this restricted ketogenic diet is so clearly proven and undeniable. Carbs are delicious :) I can't help but notice the similarities between carbs and cancers, and the brain, with seizures, Alzheimer's, mental health, migraines, and of course diabetes, and so much more. We are killing ourselves with carbs and sugar. The carbs and sugar aren't just making us fat, it's literally causing diseases, and cancer, and brain metabolism issues. Looking at it now, it has become obvious to me. There's actually a new prescription "food" named Axona which helps people with Alzheimer's disease. It boosts the body's ability to create ketones so that the brain has more food. The Axona website says that the side effects from Alzheimer's are due to the brain's inability to metabolize glucose. So, if you're on a standard diet which is all about glucose and no ketones, the effects of Alzheimer's are going to worsen. However, if you switch to a ketogenic diet it will lessen (theoretically - I am not a doctor) the side effects, strengthen the brain, and possibly even heal the brain a little. There is a lot of research out there, and most doctors don't know anything about diet. (Blah, blah, blah, "heart healthy diet" - no bueno, that's actually the opposite of what you should be eating.) I'm not trying to be rude, it's just a slow process to integrate new research into hospitals. Practicing doctors are very busy and usually aren't researching up-and-coming stuff. Anyhoo, just wanted to throw that out there in case you hadn't heard that the ketogenic diet can help a lot of conditions (not just brain cancer). I hope this info helps at least one person. :) I can't say enough how I wish diet didn't matter, that we could eat whatever we wanted and there would be no repercussions, but it just isn't so. The good news is that we can help heal ourselves (to a certain extent), and that is empowering.

As a side note, people with Alzheimer's don't have to get the prescription Axona powder, they can just get on the ketogenic diet. There's no trick, it's just the pharmaceutical company found a way to make money off the 4.1 ratio of fat:carb+protein. Just wanted to throw that out there. It certainly does provide another tool in the belt though!

Over A Decade Later

How fun is this, one of my college roommates was in town for work and we were able to meet up for a dinner. So fun! We hadn't seen each other for 11 years. Isn't she just the cutest!?!? Christel and Ashley joined us. It was hilarious, and fun, and I was again reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful life :)

Yep. Those definitely ARE Texas shaped sunglasses.

Thank you for all of the uplifting comments on the blog, and the helpful hints! I should clarify a few things...

1. The majority of my days are on the restricted ketogenic diet. I have lost about six pounds because of it. Some days, on the weekends or if I'm just in the mood to eat more, I eat the generic ketogenic diet. It's very important to restrict my calories in order for the ketogenic diet to starve my brain tumor or alleviate my seizure problem, but in order for me to stay on the diet I have to allow myself days when I can eat as much ketogenic friendly foods as I want. That way I don't feel deprived. I have been in ketosis for almost two weeks now. I have not cheated, nor have I wanted to. Not yet anyway :). I keep my carbs lower than 20 grams per day. If you want more information, as Scott commented, check out Dr Thomas Seyfried one of the foremost researchers on the ketogenic diet, brain cancer, and seizures (along with other diseases).

2. I have been taking lion's mane mushroom (H. erinaceus) supplements in order to boost my t-cell growth and macrophages which together increase your body's ability to fight cancer. However, thank you for the anonymous comment lion's mane stimulating nerve growth factor (NGF), and the subsequent effect on tumor growth. That caused me to research further and learned some frightening things. The great thing about supplements is that there are many options to increase my immune system, and after further research I will not be taking the lion's mane mushroom. Thank you for the help!

I appreciate any and all suggestions/information. Sometimes it's hard for me to sift through things, but eventually I make it through. Research sends me on a billion tangents and when people share their research/resources it gives me a better direction. Thanks!!

And thanks again for the support, for encouraging me to believe. Your help and love are what keeps me energized. Without all of my friends, my family, the readers of the blog and my adorable husband, I would long have fallen into a deep depression. So thank you. From the deepest part of my heart, I appreciate you all!

Partially Back

Hi Friends! I'm on limited technology. And I have to say that Dan is truly amazing. He can read me so well. In my downtime I've been able to focus on resting. I started a new routine in the mornings, I wake up and pick up the house, make the bed, do any random dishes from Dan's breakfast and I've even been doing small loads of laundry. I do chores for one hour, then put the kettle on and I start stretching. I make a tea, as it cools I continue to stretch and do floor exercises.

I've been able to paint two large canvases for my niece and nephew, which is VERY exciting! I lay in bed every day from 1-3, sometimes napping, other times just laying with my eyes closed (usually pinned by my cat). Dan has been joining me on evening walks. For the first time in weeks Danny had Saturday off, so yesterday morning Dan and I walked, and jogged from our house down and around the lake, then home. The entire trip was about 4 miles. I slogged a total of 1 mile (not consistently).

This morning Dan took me to the gym for the first time since the surgery. We spent a little under an hour, which is fantastic! Heading to the gym is a very big deal because the noise of the loud music, voices, weights clanging - the smells of cleaners, the bleach and vibrations of the cardio machines can be overwhelming at times, triggering auras. I have always been able to get out of the gym before it has turned into a seizure but it's still very scary. Today though, it was a complete success! We worked out on the cardio machine, we did weights and I even went into the woman's locker room to weigh myself without Dan's supervision (I can be overwhelmed at times doing things alone without Dan or someone in case of a seizure).

I feel like I'm focusing on resting, and utilizing my energy for physical activity which is integral for my improvement. I appreciate your patience with emails, texts, phone calls and Facebook stuff. I'm still not back, and at this point in emails alone I have over 75+ legitimate emails that I have yet to respond to. I love all of my friends and family so much, and I'm sorry I'm not a good friend these days. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get caught up, and I'm sorry for that! It's probably going to take a very long time. I probably also won't be up for social stuff, even walks or runs for a bit. It's amazing how tired I am after a normal day, for now I just need to remember that I'm healing and I need to get into a normal routine, take it easy, and as soon as I'm able to get my life semi-back to the way it was, I can start getting social :) I think, initially, I jumped out of the gate running and it was a mistake. I'm fixing it though :)

I love you all, so much. I'm sorry to those of you who I have yet email back, etc. I appreciate the patience.

Tuesday afternoon I have a phone call with my NYC doctor. He will review my surgery notes, my blood work, and my overall health to see if I'm a viable candidate for dendritic cell therapy in Germany. I'm excited, and nervous. My stomach is full of butterflies. Not much rest for the weary :)

This therapy could help clean up residual tumor (the invisible cells) and teach my body to recognize tumor cells as the enemy for the future. To train my body to seek out and rid my body of cancer cells would be AWESOME!! Fingers crossed that the appointment goes well. I'm also grateful that I'm able to discuss my situation over the phone with my doctor, that I don't have to travel. Lots to be thankful about.

On The Up & Up

Things are getting better, I just have to get out of my head. I'm not sure if that makes sense. The seizure issue, for me personally, is a mind game. I can easily work myself up into a very fearful state, or I can calmly remind myself that I'm doing fine, that I'm just overheated, maybe it's very sunny, that my heart rate is up because of the conditions, not because I'm about to have a seizure.

I'm getting to the point where I feel "normal" and much more strong physically, and mentally. I still have fear, but Dan and I have been working on pushing my limits. I went for a walk with my friend Lauren the other day, Dan and I made it to PCC and Home Depot (both driving), and Dan and I have even gone running a couple of times. It might sound silly, but each time I'm out of the house is a major success. I'm excited to try and get out of the house on my own. I bet the first time I do anything will be a run around the neighborhood. So far, running has been my rock. It removes anxiety, gives me strength physically, and emotionally. It puts me back to my roots, grounds me, and empowers me. The florescent lights of the real world, the sirens and traffic, all give me (and probably a lot of people) anxiety, but when I'm out breathing fresh air, eying the various plants, birds, random pets, and vibrant people out there, I always end up smiling and feeling human, alive, happy, and grateful. I should clarify, normally, when I don't have seizure activity I am absolutely fine with sounds, bright lights, hectic situations or life in general, but when I'm on overload I have to be really careful.

Thank you for your patience as I've been horrible about emailing people back, and posting on the blog. I've definitely had a lot on my mind, not just with the attack, the landlords, and seizure stuff, I'm also incredibly nervous about the future brain surgery. The first brain surgery was not an option so I felt like I could just accept my fate, and release all (or most) of my fear. This time, this brain surgery, is optional. That is intense! What if something goes horribly wrong? It would be my fault for subjecting myself. Dan emailed Dr. Liau to see if she would prefer that I get on anti-seizure medicine for the surgery. I hated taking it last year, but if it will eliminate a complication, I will do it. I will do anything in my power to eliminate all complications. I want to get in tip-top shape, create a cancer fighting, surgery healing machine. My goal is to be running 3-4 days a week, weight lifting 2-3 days a week, and doing yoga 2-3 times a week for at least a month before surgery. It might sound excessive, but I'm not as intense in the workouts as you might imagine :) It's mostly a stress reliever, and the more you work out the more fun food you can eat :)

I've added delicious food to our diet, lots of legumes, whole grains and of course the usual veggies and lean meats. The difference, is that I'm playing around with new recipes. Tomorrow night I'm making a spinach burrito. It includes sauteed spinach, onion, and bell pepper then of course, a mix between black and pinto beans (seasoned with hot sauce), then long grain black rice (seasoned with cumin & a little turmeric), with chopped green onions, chopped romaine lettuce, and shredded sheep cheese - you wrap it all up in a whole grain tortilla and it's DELICIOUS. And it's much more fun than the typical salad and steamed/grilled veggies that I usually make us. With all of the stress in our lives right now, I'm enjoying the relaxation of food rules. Life, literally, is too short to get crazy about maximizing the nutrient content. Keeping everything in the whole foods, or whole ingredient, category is good enough for me these days. So what if a whole grain tortilla is technically processed. I'm over it. It's still whole grain (of course, you still have to read the ingredients to make sure there's nothing funky), sprouted spelt tortillas are my fav. Some may disagree, but I do believe that there are some processed foods that aren't that bad for you.

Photo of the day taken last Friday...I have a new buddy, and I keep feeding him which is strengthening our bond....

Green Lake Gump

Great news. It looks like my oncologist's nurse is going to send over the necessary medical records to UCLA next week for application into the clinical trial. Wooo hoo! Somehow I feel like I'll need to follow up on that, but that's fine. As long as it gets done.

On another note, I would like to share an amazing herb that fights malignant gliomas (and ulcerative colitis, inflammatory bowel disease, asthma, arthritic, crohn's disease, breast cancer, and leukemia). I probably sound like a crazy advertisement, but I love sharing things that help! It's incredibly exciting because it's non-toxic, even in crazy high doses like 1,000 mg/kg. I've even found a study where rats were implanted with gliomas, then they fed them the boswellic acid at 120 mg/kg three times a day at eight hour increments. By day 14 the glioma had shrunk by 60%. SERIOUSLY. This boswellic acid lowers inflammation which is the environment that cancers thrive in. It's amazing! I'm very hopeful that I can get the same results. Here are a few links for my brain tumor fighters...

Boswellic acids and malignant glioma: induction of apoptosis but no modulation of drug sensitivity.

Boswellic acids inhibit glioma growth: a new treatment option?





The best part about the whole thing is that the company that makes the best quality is just a mile and a half from my house. I just jogged over there to pick up another bottle. AWESOME. This little Green Lake Gump runs all over her neighborhood to literally run her errands. It's so much fun. Choosing to avoid driving (by now it's legal for me to drive again after my seizure) has forced me to get out, get sweaty, get stinky, and gain perspective. I feel empowered.

Happy New Year

I received the perfect gift on the last day of 2011. I was able to spend the morning with my brother, his wife Courtney, and their two children Isla and Wade/Toby (mom calls him Toby and dad calls him Wade). 

Courtney, Wade/Toby, me & Isla

 Isla & me down by Green Lake

My newest nephew Wade/Toby

This year has been a serious journey. It started as I finished up my final speech therapy sessions. Then, I had the chance to visit Jess & Dre in Abu Dhabi. In February, Dan and I shared vows beneath the Eiffel Tower during a 24 hour layover in Paris. In the spring I was able to create a presentation and share my brain cancer story with three different Rotary clubs around Washington. In the summer, I had the chance to visit my Polish relatives, and hug, bond, laugh, explore, and fall in love with them. Soon after, arriving home, Danny and I signed a legal marriage certificate. He's all miiiiiiineee!! Woo hoo!! Three days later, unrelated, I started having seizures and worried that my health may be declining. The next MRI showed our worst fears were correct. Little Herman, the tumor in my brain, was getting taller and fatter, faster than most of his peers. Instead of following my radiation oncologist's recommendation, I refused radiation and immediately started an alternative supplement program with artemisinin, completely changed my diet, amped up my cardio, and added strength training. Within 9.5 weeks I'd lost 19 lbs. I'm currently feeling wonderful, and I'll find out in less than two weeks, if my program is effective in keeping little Herman at bay. 

Along the way I've had friends support me with fundraisers, loving emails, text messages, cards, photos, hugs, and laughter. Even though I know that I am a person living with brain cancer I feel happier than I ever have in my life. I have everything to live for, and I am so grateful for all of your support. Thank you for helping me have another wonderful year! I enjoyed every single day. Even the challenging ones. I hope to share many more stories in the coming twelve months. 

Please have a fabulously hilarious and awesome New Year's Eve! Please be safe, and know that you're loved. So don't do anything stupid like drive drunk! :) 

Cheers to another amazing year!!

The Time Will Come

I'm grateful for so much each day. Things pop in my head, and then I start smiling. It can be as simple as, "My house is so rad. It's full of daylight even when it's rainy outside!" Lately, though, I've been going for the big ticket items. My mind has been full of happiness thinking about how wonderful it is that I haven't had a seizure since August 5th (the day before my birthday - I was probably just too excited!). I haven't taken anti-seizure medicine since September 27th. And, biggest of all, as Danny and I were running errands today, I realized that I could have just finished last week as my first week of radiation, but instead, I'm happy and healthy and trying to kill this brain tumor with alternative means. I realize that I might have to do radiation (eventually - if there is no other option, and it starts completely growing like an even nastier weed), but right now I'm enjoying the ability to take this into my own hands.

Yesterday, my parents, Danny and I met with the other brain tumor fighter that has been taking the artemisinin. We met with her and her husband and we shared notes. We talked all about the different protocols, the different research out there, and we reviewed both of our pathology reports and all of our MRIs. It was fantastic and incredibly inspiring. Our friends have managed to completely shrink her brain tumor through alternative means. It's unbelievable. Although we had never met, there had been email after email for the past year or so. We combined heads and together, I feel like we can conquer this.

At first I was very concerned because there are so many different types of stage 2 astrocytomas (which we both share), I wasn't sure if we were matching apples to apples. But after sharing our pathology reports, our friend has the same type, along with the "negative for loss codeletion of chromosomes 1p/q 19p/q (can't remember off the top of my head which one has which letter). Anyway, my point is that I have those two chromosomes, as does my friend, which means that our tumors are more aggressive and signify a shorter lifespan. Anyway, after watching her scans, and seeing her brain tumor shrink and shrink, scan after scan, I knew that things were looking up!

Maybe surviving a brain tumor isn't just about luck, or fate, or genetics. Maybe, just as I was hoping all along, it might be treatable or even curable by using healthy choices, and by following herbal research. There just might be a way to treat a brain tumor with diet and supplements. Sometimes the supplements are in massive doses, but who cares! It could slow, halt, or kill the tumor. Wow. This is so big. I just have to keep positive about this process. I'm taking the safe side, unlike my friend who took some pretty substantial amounts (with no serious side effects), but I figure I can still up the ante at my next MRI if things aren't up to my liking.

I'm just so grateful to have this opportunity to squish this with healthy means. I'm forever indebted to our dear friends.

It is going to be so hard to wait for my next MRI in January. I want to start seeing results now! I keep telling my overzealous soul, "Patience little friend, there is no rush. Enjoy each moment, each day, each kiss, each hug, each laugh, each smile, each apple, each salad, each green smoothie, each new smell. The time will come." Each time I have to tell myself that little mantra, my core warms, my cheeks get rosy, I start smiling, and I feel lighter than air. It's the best. It's my favorite problem to have :)

Truly, how wonderful is it that I am not headed for week two of radiation in the morning. HOW WONDERFUL!!! ! ! I know my oncologist probably thinks I'm stupid, but I don't care. This is my body and my life. I will not give up on it, or take the easy, less effective solution. I will fight, I will laugh, I will live, I will not give up.

Tapering Off

Today is the first day that I'm not taking an anti-seizure pill (although I have to take one tomorrow). YAY!

Let me explain. Originally, I was prescribed 1000mg of Divalproex a day. Last week, I only took 500mg per day and now, I'm down to a pill every other day for the final week. By next Monday I should be done. I'm FREE! Hopefully, not only prescription free, but also seizure free.

I want to thank my friend Nancy who is a pharmacist. I was adamant to get off of the medication, and my nurse at the UW, as soon as I told her I was not going to follow her standard of care, never again responded to my emails for a taper down schedule. So, Nancy helped me plan a tapering of the drugs and I really, really appreciate it.

I have been incredibly fortunate to have so many people helping me throughout this journey. At each turn, I get great support.

I'm still scared to have a seizure, but each time the fear creeps into my mind I take a nice deep breath, and exhale slowly. I will not live in fear. I will not take drugs that wreak havoc on my body and mind. I will not give up. I will not just do what the doctors tell me to do. I will make my own decisions. I will research my options. I will try to keep my care natural. If my health deteriorates, I will reevaluate.

Good-Bye Anticonvulsant.

Sorry, I've been off my computer for a few days. My mind is mud. I can't think. I have had nothing to write because my brain is a slug. I have feelings and thoughts, somewhere in my gray hazy matter, but I can't connect to them. I can't even do more than basic sentences without needing a break.

Doctors don't even know what exactly causes seizures. They think it's an overactive brain (I'm simplifying here), therefore they prescribed me a drug that blocks or slows specific neurotransmitters. Now, I'm running on a portion of the firing that I usually have. My brain is half asleep. Think lobotomy.

Yesterday, it got so bad that I emailed my nurse and told her I want off the Dekopate. I asked for a schedule to decrease the medicine. It's too much. Also, over the weekend, I noticed a small rash on my right shoulder. In the Patient Advisory Leaflet (pharmacy info) under the Side Effects portion, it says, "Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction include: rash..." It continues to mention that the rash is a sign of severe liver problems. That sounds fun. All in all, I'm exhausted, mentally slow, my vision is blurry, my moods are horrible, my heart palpitates and I'm just a fraction of myself. I can't even write. I can't think.

So, today I did not take my morning anti-seizure pill. I emailed my nurse and reminded her that I want a schedule to decrease the dosage, and I mentioned the rash. 

I refuse to live like this. I might not be able to control some of the biggest things in my life; I can't drive to get to the grocery store or even a doctor's appointment. I also can't change the fact that I have the tumor nugget growing in my brain. But I can limit the bad drugs that ruin the quality of my life. It's one small step that can help me be happier.

On this pill I feel like I'm slipping away. I just want to get back to being me, even if that means a seizure here or there.

My First Article

I'm back home after a week on the island (Friday Harbor). I'm sorry for not contacting people. Sometimes I become overwhelmed by going home. There are so many people that I would love to visit, and since I can't contact everyone, I often end up hiding out. Of course, I can't drive anyway, so that makes it easy to hide.

It's nice to be back. I just did my 40 minute workout - 30 minutes of running with 5 minute warm up and 5 cool down. I didn't feel like working out, but I told myself, now that I have a treadmill in my living room, I need to take advantage of the opportunity.

While I ran, listening to my MP3 player and watching the Jets come back against the Texans, I thought to myself, "I don't live to run. I run to live." What a crazy concept. I'm literally running to defeat the grim reaper. Of course, most people work out to be healthy and live long lives, but I truly feel a responsibility to exercise. While I was on the island I went for a few walks but I didn't run. I was scared to run on the road and go too far from the house. I was worried about having a seizure and not having someone help me. It's these little fears that make me frustrated. The seizures are real, in fact just as I was running on my treadmill a few minutes ago, I had to stop and get water because my right arm started slightly tingling. After I had some cold water it was better. I only had five minutes left of running so I just dialed down the speed. I thought it was important to finish my goal, to set a precedent. It's hard to know when to push and when to back off. I don't want to be a woman living in fear. I want to conquer mountains, not lay on the couch. At the same time, out of respect for everyone who loves me, I have to sleep a lot, and take it easy. Stress and sleep are the #1 killer and #1 healer for brain tumor function, respectively.

My life has changed so much, each decision, every activity. I have to weigh each choice so much, then re-evaluate. I can't just open the door and take off for a jog. Sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining. I know it's not the end of the world, I'm just trying to navigate the new rules of my life. 

Earlier today, as I was watching the national news, a girl was talking about her addiction to sun tanning. She has skin cancer, and yet still tans. She was giggling, and shrugging her shoulders as if to say, "Yep, I'm crazy, but hey, I'm hot." I was shocked, and it really got me thinking. What are people really willing to do when they get diagnosed with cancer or other illnesses? Shoot. I'm afraid to color my hair because of the dye, and here's this crazy girl tanning with cancer. I wonder if beauty can be an addiction? That reminds me, I need a hair cut. I've only had two hair cuts since the brain surgeries. I'm nervous to have someone deal with the scar. It's such a private, graphic, intimate look into my life. It's hard to be that vulnerable sometimes.

On a side note, I my first article was published. If you're interested, you can click on the following link:

Island Guardian
http://www.islandguardian.com/archives/00004017.html

Little Leprechauns

I was just laying down for a nap, when it occurred to me that the pain around my head is from the fusing of nerve endings. At first, my whole left side of the head was numb (probably from the Oxycontin) and now it's slowly going back to normal. My left temple (where that jaw hinge is located) is tender to the touch and swollen, but the rest of my head is slowly gaining sensation. Hopefully my bite will come back to normal too. They had to sever some tendon on the left side of my jaw during surgery. It doesn't hurt, it's just a little inconvenient when I'm brushing my teeth and I have a harder time cleaning the roof and tongue because I can't get my toothbrush in there as easily. I'm now an open sandwich eater. I also have to act like a lady and cut things into bite sized pieces. No more jumbo burrito contests. Interesting that you'd have to unhinge the jaw, or that they would need to cut anything around my jaw. I wonder why they had to cut that area inside my head. I wish I had a video of my surgery. Huh.

I'm down to only two pills a day (a far cry from 42 pills a day), one at 8:00am and one at 8pm. It's only for preventing seizures. Yay! I'm still prescribed some heavy duty Tylenol but I try to avoid it as much as possible because I'm trying to clean out my system (my poor liver). I always thought wine would be my downfall, who would have thought it was going to be tumor cells. I honestly thought that my first ailment would be self inflicted. I thought I would have broken a bone, or maybe I'd get diagnosed with lung cancer from a couple of years of rebellion when I thought it was cool to smoke. I really never expected a tumor. All in all I've been a very healthy person. I'm a runner. I love vegetables. I take flax seed, fish oil, and spirulina. I was not expecting this. I guess you never do. At least I've done the best I can to always keep evolving. I continue to make healthier and healthier choices. I guess that's the best you can do.

Ugh. I'm exhausted. I was thinking about that fusing of nerve endings. I'll be laying in my bed sometimes and it will feel like pins and needles randomly on my head - not even close to the scar/scab. Sometimes I'll accidentally say out loud, "OUCH" - Danny looks at me like I'm crazy and then we laugh. It's almost like I've got little leprechauns driving the wheel in my head. I hate that saying, "This too shall pass" but I guess it's annoyingly true because that's all I can think about. This too shall pass.