Monday, October 29, 2012

Nightmare

Just woke before myidmight pills, just 15 minutes early. I was crying, screaming silently, trapped in a treatment facility trying to beat this tumor. The lights were out, it was dark. People with shots and venoms and poisons lurched at me, ignoring my pleas, unable to comprehend my language, my gibberish. I screed for Dan, for mom, no one could reach me. They could hear me but it was too dark, to hard to find me, I was strapped down.

Dan flew home tonight, mom and dad are here to see me thru Friday until I can come home. I'm healing but I think there are deep fears lingering. I wish it wasn't the case. I fitfully chase sleep, and I know I need the reprieve, but even with the best intentions and hope from this process, I cannot ignore the trama my body has endured.

Ill try again, swollow more drugs, visualize fat faced kitties and furry puppies, and if all fails and nightmares prevail, I will try again because although terrifying, a good cry can heal.

3 comments:

  1. That is a horrible dream - yuck!! You are really such a superhero at this brain tumor/brain surgery stuff that it's tough when reality reminds you of what just happened and what your body is going through. Tell those bad thoughts that you know a girl with a MEAN cheer kick!! So they can just back the heck off! ;) And add baby skunks to the list!! Hope you can find some peaceful and solid sleep soon!

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  2. So sorry you have had this trouble. No doubt it is helped by fears but also by all those big meds you have to take right now. Mention it to a provider as they sometimes can be switched up to help with this yucky side effect (if they keep happening). Maybe the next dream will have you kicking their butts and taking names as you throw them out the door. Wouldn't that be inspiring! Take care and I hope you can get the rest you need. Remember you'll be home back into the arms of Dan soon!

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  3. It's understandable to have a nightmare with all you have been through. You go ahead & have yourself all the healing cry time you need. We will be praying for you to have peaceful dreams & restful sleep.

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