Saturday, April 24, 2010

Taking It For The Team

Lots of thoughts swirl through my mind throughout the day. The most encouraging concept is the feeling that I'm taking a hit for the team.

Statistically, people get tumors. It's what happens. I'm grateful that it's happening to me, instead of the people that I love. I'd take this over my family, over my friends, over my acquaintances, even over strangers. I believe that the fact that I'm a notch on the brain tumor list removes another person's name from the board. And it should be me, I have a security net of hundreds of people, from my innermost circle in this room to souls spread all across the globe. There people praying, lending support, sending love, and filling me with strength so that I can break through and conquer this adversity.

I'm serious about this post. I'm not a martyr. I don't regret any of this situation. I'm not angry. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared though. I like my personality. I like my ability to adjust and adapt and grow as a friend, as a girlfriend, as a sister, as a daughter, as a human. If I change completely and my loved ones have to grieve for the Jessica that they've lost, I hope that I can at least evolve into a wonderful new Jessica with determination, tenacity, and soul. Only time will tell if I'll come out of this with the same cognitive abilities, language and movement; the immediate outcome, post-op, is out of my hands.

Thank you to everyone for the continued love. Thank you to Laura for giving my family her house in Seattle, which carries a zen energy that makes me feel like I'm living in a spa. I have been moved beyond words by the kindness of friends, and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends.

Tomorrow we conquer the rite of passage that will be the head shaving. Photos to come.


  1. Jessica;
    You are still at the top of our prayer list. We pray for a stady hand of the surgion, a clear rested staff and a full/quick recovery. You are awsome and one heck of a writer. I tried to read your latest post to Andre`...a bit difficult as I get choked up by the whole thing. If I was in the same situation I could hope to be 1/2 as strong as you are. God Bless you and your family in the up coming days.

  2. Sorry about the spelling errors...I am 50 and schooled in Minnesota ya no:)

  3. Hi Jessica! Steve and I are friends of your mom and dad's and live on the island. I'm reading your blog and cannot tell you how moved I am! My sister had cancer and one of the most empowering things we did was shave her head! We felt like women warriors! Prayers, thoughts and lots of positive energy are coming your way from us! Steve and Louisa Keys

  4. You are simply AMAZING ~ I am reading your blog tonite for the first time ~ start to finish ~ Your honest, positive, grateful attitude is a testimony to us all. Thank you Jess for inviting us on your journey of hope & faith, you are a blessing to all that know you & tomorrow the UW Tumor Team will be a witness to your miracle!
    Tumor Time-OUT ~ you are not welcome in Jess' life! I will be praying for you & the medical team, until I hear that you have successfully been wheeled into recovery! Love to you and your family ~ Debbie Sandwith Friday Harbor


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