Friday, January 13, 2012

Damn it.

Top View Of My Brain

Well shit. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we need to do more. You can see three areas of tumor cells in the lower right hand side of the image. We will have the official report on Wednesday which should compare this MRI with the last MRI, giving measurements. For now, we know because we've seen the compared MRIs for the past several scans, that the tumor area is growing. What we don't exactly know is how fast.

Time for a more serious protocol, perhaps the high dose sulforaphane. We're bummed, but not broken. Time to regroup and try more aggressive tactics.

Today, and tonight, maybe even all weekend, Danny and I will hide. I'll start my high dose artemether tomorrow morning until we can get our first shipment of sulforaphane pills.

It's promising, looking at the scans, that the growth of the tumor appears to have slowed down. Like I said earlier, we'll know more on Wednesday.

Lots of ups and downs, and I'm exhausted. Somehow I feel like I'm just now getting to the meat of this cancer. It's scary. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But, I also have a calmness.

Over the past 24 hours as I was stressed, laying in bed with my eyes wide open, or in the MRI trying to be as still as possible, I kept my mantra, "We are all connected. With everything, we can give love." I still had a great day joking with the receptionist, and the MRI technicians. I genuinely smiled and laughed with the IV nurse, even when she couldn't find my vein and dug for ages. Somehow, my pain receptors were more numb than normal, and I was able to live in the moment, realizing that the world doesn't revolve around me, that with each person I came into contact with, has a life, and their own problems.

This cancer is my problem, but lots of people have burdens. I'm just lucky enough to have a rooting section. Another thing I'm grateful for.

Thank you. Thank you for supporting me. I appreciate all of the phone calls, text messages, emails, letters, comments, and all of the prayers. We will beat this. I BELIEVE!!


  1. Believe is right and remember you have cancer it doesn't have you. :)

  2. Couldn't agree more with the first word of your post, but as always I am humbled by your grace, candor and awesome valor. Continued prayers and virtual hand-holding coming your way.

  3. Hi Jessica, I am anxiously awaiting your comments from your meeting with Mrugula. Barbara Lee


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