Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Relinquishing Control

Every few weeks I get nervous about the tumor. I try not to let it dominate my life, but sometimes that's easier said than done. I try not to stress too much about my heath, and the future, but then I find that I'm stressing even more by telling myself NOT to stress. It's a vicious, counter productive cycle.

I thought I'd be further along in my recovery from the surgeries. Again, I'm having to tell myself to slow down, rest more, and take joy in the little things. I can get caught up in the future, borrowing trouble.

I saw a woman at the gym today who I believe is undergoing chemo. She was completely bald, no eye lashes or eye brows. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, knowing that she probably has no idea that I've gone through some tough medical stuff too. I thought to myself how lucky I am. I'm healthy, I have my hair, I can exercise, I'm reading more and more, I'm really lucky to have successfully passed my past two MRI's. I have everything in the world to be grateful for, and I'm just going to keep focusing on that!

Each time I start to worry I'm going to think about something that I'm grateful for. Just now, I tried this little trick again, and my blood pressure dropped. My body relaxed and I inadvertently let out a deep sigh. Just like Jessica Abu Dhabi mentioned the other day, "Surrender to things." I need to relinquish control, and just be grateful. I don't think it'll be too hard to do. Just like thinking positive, you just have to keep on it. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jessica- I haven't posted on here in awhile as I have not been feeling well. Just wanted to wish you and Danny and your family a Happy Thanksgiving! You are a beautiful person and add SO much joy to others by sharing your story. I love your new haircut and the fun pictures that you share. Not one of us walking this earth knows for sure what tomorrow will bring and you have been given so many challenges at a young age but I have NO DOUBT that you will win this battle!!!

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