Well. Unfortunately, according to the tests I'm not a genius. Danny was thrilled by the results, but I was pretty disappointed.
I'm glad to report that I show not that many neurological deficits, any more, I'm getting better even though they said I wouldn't. However I have "weaknesses" (his word) in all areas. The doctor believes that I still have some recovering to do, albeit little. He does not believe that I will reach my previous mental abilities that I had before the surgeries.
Everyone fears the statement, "She has a great personality," when referring to a blind date. Which is how I felt when the doctor said that I'm very compassionate, and personable, and will fare just fine in society. When discussing my future in the academic world, he was on the fence regarding my ability to succeed. Basically, he doesn't believe that I will have the attention, retention, or energy to ever earn another degree.
I know it sounds crazy, but I can understand his reasoning. I am still exhausted and have to take 2-5 hour naps after work. I'm still struggling with higher level thinking. Things are definitely tough, but at the same time it has only been 6 months and to write me off at this point is ridiculous. I'm sure he's just going off of statistics, and personal accounts, but each individual is different and I'm pretty damn stubborn. Just because I can't use more than two syllable words in my speech, or pronunciate words I should know, doesn't mean I'm stupid. That it isn't in there.
I guess I thought I'd do something challenging and impactful with my life, and I always thought it would be achieved through the academic world. Even though I've never been a genius, whatever lack of knowledge I had I knew I could compensate with hard work and perseverance. Unfortunately, I can no longer power through tasks, both physically and mentally. I get exhausted and my mind shuts down completely. My life has immeasurably changed. My mechanics have shifted, and I'm learning to adjust my system. Now, all I have is my story. Maybe that's my challenge, sharing it. Maybe if he saw my blog he'd see that I'm smarter than he thinks. His test was by hand and I still can't use a ben or pencil well or write stuff, my hand is funky. But I type. I can do that.
Perhaps it is your challenge to share your story, as it's pretty amazing and all who read it are on pins and needles seeing if you stay in the game whether you "score" or not. You have this huge stadium of people cheering you on, and maybe if you choose to not continue to keep sharing your story, which seems to be in your fate, the challenge will get even more in your face until you accept wholeheartedly that you don't need another BS degree to do what you do so well, and that's to full-heartedly share your the challenges of your story . . .
ReplyDeleteDont let anybody tell you that you cant do something that you want to do. You can still get more schooling maybe you just need to take a little at a time. If you really want to do something nothing can get in your way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of the above statements! You write so well, and writing involves higher-level thinking! When my mom had her motorcycle accident, she was told by a doctor that she'd probably never walk again. We all know that didn't happen (in her case, determination and toughness were the deciding factors, but for you, you have an even better ingredient, which is a positive outlook). Life is a product of decision-making, chance, will (yours, that of the universe or God), determination and inspiration. Keep steering yourself in a positive direction! Keep writing. Publish this blog into a book. Share it with young women. Your story is about the secret of life: it is what you make it. Your life and you as a person are incredible. I send you a BIG hug, old friend. Thanks for being so amazing!!! Love, Kristin (Bigsby)
ReplyDelete