Thursday, September 23, 2010

Post Surgery IQ

Yesterday was UW day. Speech therapy was a success. I've been transposing the majority of my numbers, which is weird. I hear the numbers, and then write them down differently. I can even stare at the number I'm typing and I don't notice that it's the wrong number until the telephone call won't connect, or the credit card won't go through. It's frustrating, and it's causing a serious problem at work. According to my therapist, it's completely normal after having brain surgery. It's expected that as my brain connections find new pathways, my abilities will improve. It's odd though.

All in all I'm doing really well with the recovery, in fact I usually feel great! That is, until a day like today happens when I completely mess up at work. I've been working between 2-4 hours a day, and 3-4 days a week. A lot of times I'm gone for doctor's appointments, or sent home because I look exhausted and they want me to sleep.

I used to be a purchasing manager, and since recently starting work again, I thought could handle my job. I've been working little by little, trying to resume my responsibilities. In the past I've felt completely confident with my abilities. I used to be able to juggle ordering the right products, at the correct quantities, under the constraints of minimums, while meeting up with the ebb and flow of seasonal demands. Well. No longer. I tried to do a purchase order, and the product came in today. Not only did I miss two complete products, two completely different products are already out of stock. Yep. That is four errors. This is a colossal mistake. These products are for our largest customer, who was already upset about our lack of product availability. The lead time is months. I honestly wanted to vomit, and at the same time cry. I feel like I've always been incredibly reliable, and helpful with the team at work, but now I'm not only unable to do most of my job description, I'm also making their jobs harder. Ugh!

Therefore, this afternoon I demoted myself to customer service, and yet I don't know if it'll help anything since I can't even take down a credit card number correctly. I feel like a complete idiot. Luckily, I'm pretty funny :) I guess I'll lean on that for a little bit while my little neuron-y things power through my brain and connect.

Speaking of neuron-y things, I have my three day battery of tests on Oct 11, 12 (just after my MRI), and the 13th to check my abilities and IQ. The problem is that I'm not sure if I want to know my current post-surgery IQ. This experience is helping me realize that the most important personality trait, or ability is not intelligence, it's compassion and having a positive attitude. Or, is that just something someone says who isn't very intelligent.

Sorry this whole post is so jumbled. It's been a weird week.


  1. You write: "This experience is helping me realize that the most important personality trait, or ability is not intelligence, it's compassion and having a positive attitude. Or is that just something someone says who isn't very intelligent."

    I believe the most intelligent say that too: The Dali Lama, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss, Confucius, Martin Luther King, Jr., Kahil Gibran, OPRAH, GOD! The list could go on and on and on, and there is no doubt they were/are very, very intelligent people and we know you are too. :)

  2. Jessica:
    You have very high expectations of yourself and I can see where these things will create high frustrations and concern. First put the recent mistakes into perspective. Yes you will have customers barking but at the end of the day how important is it? I can right a book on mistakes I have made and I am quit sure there are many more chapters(God willing) to go. I need to share some of these with you. At the time they seemed like the end of the world and now when I look back I can say so what... SOOOOOO WHAT!

    Keep it into perspective and I will share some stories soon!

    By the way this was not spell checked so you can have a laugh at mistakes or join me in the importance of the message not how poorly I spell:)

    Keep smiling girl!

  3. Jessica, After I had my surgery and radiation treatments I was very forgetful and fuzzy brained. I would drive to the Chinese food place 2 blocks away from my home and forget where it was. I had to think really hard about things to figure them out. This got better with time and now we just laugh about it. I know it's difficult but it doesn't make you any less of a person and you are so right about compassion and a positive attitude being very important. Keep you chin up, everyone understands what you are going through. And even though it is frustrating for you it is ok. Jim


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