Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Aaaaah, The Period of Oscillation

Hi Guys,

Sorry I've been MIA with my posts. It was the longest hiatus thus far. I started several different posts, but I stopped myself. I was oscillating between happy and sad, and I didn't want to regret sharing any of my emotions/sentiments because sometimes I'm just venting, and to be honest, I was pretty negative.

Over the weekend a friend said a couple of comments that didn't really sit well. He said, "Aren't you glad you didn't have breast cancer or something horrible like that!?!" And my response was, "I don't know, I've never had breast cancer." I'm sure that he doesn't understand the situation, and he's probably just making small talk, but it was hurtful. Can you imagine if a woman who was dealing with breast cancer was told, "At least you don't have a brain tumor." I'm still processing this whole situation, and I'm pretty raw. When Danny and I took a walk the next day and I told him that I'm just starting to process everything that I just went through (and how it impacts my future), I told him that I can't even imagine going through breast cancer. I don't think anyone can quantify ailments. It's all relative. My battle is my tumor and it's scary, and yet I'm learning about life, and compassion, and humanity. I want to be able to love completely toward Danny, and to my family, and to my friends, and how can you do that if you don't have a basis of compassion? This is a huge gift, even though sometimes I get frustrated and my scalp itches like the effing dickens, I'd rather be compassionate, and love better, than to have an easy life.

I have a very close friend who's two year old son has to go under general anesthesia next week and I'm scared for her. I'm worried for the little guy! Everything in life is precious, and things can change in an instant. Her situation is scary. She recognizes it, and I recognize it. And yet, at the same time, we use our own experiences help understand what other people are going through.

The other thing that miffed me (sorry, back to the first paragraph), and then made me sad, was when the same fella asked me if I had any idea that my words are messed up. The guy honestly asked me if I had any clue weird my words sound out loud (which most people politely tell me that they don't notice - or maybe they don't know me well enough to assess). I make more sense typing than talking and it's frustrating. But please let me assure you that I understand perfectly well what you're saying to me.  I guess it's better that people ask me questions instead of having unanswered questions that they continue to talk about behind my back. Maybe that's the whole point? Maybe I need to thicken my skin and get over it.


  1. Jess, you are right that the guy who said those things probalby didn't mean them. But I disagree with him 100%. You really don't sound wierd or messed up. I was totally impressed with your speech and vocabulary when we visited a couple of weeks ago, and to be honest, I'm offended that he said that too. Sometimes I guess it is hard to find the right thing to say in a difficult situation.
    Anyway, you keep on with your positive attitude and know that you are amazing. In fact, one of your many great qualities is your compassion. It blows me away that you can step back from your own situation and feel for someone else when you are going through so much....but that's just you. Love you bunches, Sarah

  2. You know, your experience has given you new knowledge and sensitivity. Someone that you thought was cool or a good friend in the past, when viewed in the light of this new knowledge, may clearly be perceived as just the dumb guy that he probably always was. Rise above his comments as they say more about him than they do of you.

  3. I'm starting to get a little cranky with those people- therapist, friend,whatever- who say such hurtful counterproductive things to you!!! All I can say is don't take it to heart. You have a better understanding of how to be compassionate and positive than anyone I know, so maybe they can't help it that they aren't as naturally understanding and thoughtful as you are. Maybe we should pity them... After all, you rock, and not many people measure up to you Jess!!! Love ya, Nicole & Ron & baby

  4. Jessica - the world if full of ALL KINDS of people. We constantly have to accept their behaviors and adjust our thinking. The guy sounds like a moron (hope he isn't a REALLY good friend). You could explain that what he said was hurtful and stupid.... but he would be right at it again. Some people just are not equiped with certain social skills. Here is an example of POOR social skills: a woman (grown, in her mid sixties) asked me if I was pregnant. When I told her I wasn't, just trying to lose baby fat, she acted a little uncomfortable and said "I hate to ask." I thought "really, you hate to ask, who the hell MADE you ask?" She is at least 50 pounds overweight and has NEVER had any children - so I angrily thought "what is your excuse? I have two beautiful babies under that age of two!" Point being.... it takes all kinds. Keep your chin up...

  5. Jessica-

    I agree with all comments above! Whoever said such a thing to you is absolutely ignorant! Considering what you have been though, you have and are doing an AMAZING job! There are all sorts of people in this world..but please do not let any negative comments get to you. I personally do not know you, but i will tell you..i checkyour blog DAILY! I read it for inspriation! The way to handle yourself with such grace is amazing to me. Please do not forget you are beautiful inside and out!!!

  6. Jess,

    I have wanted to write so many times as I've read your blog and followed your story on Facebook, but to this last post I have to respond. Before I do, I have to say I love and admire your strength, perserverance and attitude, and am so impressed by you. In some capacity I can understand and sympathize in a personal way with your situation - in 2004, I very nearly lost my husband to a massive hemorragic stroke. I was ten weeks pregnant with our daughter, and was told he wasn't going to survive. He did, but we have faced many challenges since and sometimes I read your blog, or he and I read it together, and we just KNOW.

    To this last post, I have to sadly say, to you and to your family, there are so many jerks in the world. I'm not saying this particular person you refer to was less than well-intentioned, or was meaning to be cruel, but so many people at best have no idea and no tact, and at worst are mean and heartless in their ignorance. People stare, people discriminate, people speak without thinking.

    It is frustrating, and heartbreaking and I wish I could say it get easier. It doesn't. So just know that there are so many, many people who know what you're going through, love and support you and your family, and are so inpressed and inspired by you. Keep your chin up, beautiful. You ARE, very simply, an inspiration and you've touched all who know you. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  7. Jesse,

    It must be really pitiful to be born a moron with no compassion for other human beings. Sometimes people just want to be or feel like they're big shots and rattle on like they know it all, like that guy. He's not worth anymore of your wonderful energy. Friends don't do that. He is not a friend. He's a mosquito . . . xoxoxox???

  8. There is a certain percent of the population that are just plain clueless even when they are well meaning. I once had a man friend in his 30's who was diagnosed with prostate cancer, which meant possibly not having sex anymore. Another friend, a man, told him, "Just Be Grateful". period. Seriously? I'm sure he meant well. but damn. let's see how grateful he'd be without a nice functioning penis. mmmhm.
    you have every right to ALL your feelings. We have a full range for a reason. let 'em fly!

  9. Jess, I just recently found your blog. I was diagnosed with a grade 2 astrocytoma in June and underwent surgery in July. The number of insensitive comments I've had to deal with since then are ridiculous. My MIL has said how terrible this is, my FIL decided to disclose my medical situation to someone whose wife had a coiling for an aneurysm (hello, they're not the same thing), I've had to listen to my MIL about her medical issues and testing (bone density test, she was afraid they would find cancer, that's not what a bone density test is designed to measure), or about her upcoming surgery for a cataract (a simple surgery). The rudest comments I've gotten - did they get it all (yes - at least that's what we were told), do you need radiation or chemo, is your insurance covering everything?

    1. I'm so glad you found me! And I'm very sorry that you had to join the BT Club. Hang in there with those in-laws. Unfortunately, you can't avoid them, but I have had a lot of fun coming up with one liners. I never remember to use them at the time, but they help me laugh things off from time to time. Or I throw raw eggs at rocks, that feels pretty good too. :)


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