I just found this photo. It was taken in a hotel, a day before my first meeting with the Chief neurosurgeon at the UW in Seattle. At this point of my life all I knew was that I had a brain tumor the size of a tennis ball. I was scared, unsure of my future, and pretty shell shocked about the turn of events. I remember Danny comforting me; we were both scared together.
I guess, right now in my life I'm still scared about the changes to come. I'm grateful that I have the support of Danny, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my friends but even though, it's still scary. I've never done well with unanswered questions, in fact if I was a superhero I'd be The Question (according to Danny).
I'm so glad I've been documenting this experience. Not just for the future, but because it reminds me of the past. Life can change so quickly.
I am what my Mom used to call a worry-wart. And, as she always also used to say, "You never know." You don't know: some people overcome remarkable odds and some people trip and fall and get hurt while walking to work. I take my worries and ask myself what I can do about them, and the answer is usually "nothing." So, I put them in a box, tie it up with string, stick them on a shelf in the closet and close the door. I have now at least taken charge to the point of not letting them rule my life. And really, that's all anyone can do. There is a wonder and joy in not knowing what is going to happen, and many good surprises. It would be so boring without the questions, wouldn't it? And in this way, it is the same for each of us. Put your worries in a box and free yourself up to be the superhero you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a brave, strong, classy lady. You are facing things that most of us will never have to deal with. I have enjoyed you sharing your journey. You are inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI agree with anonymous, free yourself up to be the superhero you are. Your story helps me live in the NOW, a difficult thing to do somedays.
Thank you Jess for sharing yourself with us. I have a friend that will have a similar surgery in July. I feel I can be better prepared by listening to your story. Thank you.
Wishing you the best always.
Love, The Redelsperger Family
Jesse,
ReplyDeleteIt's no wonder you're scared, it's been one hell of a roller-coaster you and yours have been on, but for every single person on earth the future is "imagined". We imagine the future and dwell on the dead past. The Now is the only real reality we have.
Sweetheart, be here Now, feed the Stewies, keep believing in yourself and your tenaciousness and your lifelong ability to get beyond that brick wall. You ARE a winner, you always have been and this will not stop you, but educate you and us via you. You give us hope and strength and faith, please don't let your shadow side smother the light. You ARE a star, and we love you so much. 3 guesses who. xoxoxoxoxoox
I looked at this picture over and over again before posting this comment. What a beautiful view of the water you had and yet facing the scariest time in your life! Life is such a delicate balance of the known and the unknown! Don't let fear of the unknown keep you from enjoying the present! You seem like a person who loves to experience life- JUST DO IT!!!
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