Sunday, July 11, 2010

Adjusting Expectations


I only cried four times yesterday. After such an emotional trip to the UW, I consider that a success! I think crying is a pretty natural thing when you're mourning the loss of your expected life. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I guess I'm trying to say that I had certain expectations about my life. I thought my life would be on my terms, that if I respected and cherished my body it would do the same, but there are so many variables. Now I'm adjusting my expectations.


 


All I know is that I have three months before my next hospital visit, the next needle pokes, and my next MRI. During that time I've decided to take a photo every day doing something different, something I either haven't done, or haven't noticed, in a long time. I'm going to purposely go out and find something to make me smile, or laugh, or enjoy. I have three months, I choose to make the best of it.

Yesterday (day 1), I went for a walk along the loop trail with Danny and Emma (the dog). At one point I let Emma off her leash and she went bounding toward the water, not realizing that there was a ledge. She put on her brakes, but couldn't stop herself in time. She landed haphazardly into the water and Danny and I laughed for a good ten minutes! The photo of Emma was taken just after she landed in the river. I think this one-a-day experiment is going to be better than taking medicine!

8 comments:

  1. I bet choosing to make the most of it, as you said, and staying positive will lead to astounding results in 3 month's time. Like Emma falling off the ledge and not getting hurt: some lucky dog has to win! Darling shot of you and Danny.
    xoxoxo

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  2. Great pictures and an inspiring message for all of us! Each of us should take time in our days to look for something new and special and take pictures or record our thoughts. While those of us who daily read your blog and cheer you on are supporting you- you Jessica are teaching us valuable lessons and giving us a whole lot more!!! Stay happy and positive!

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  3. Oh, WAY better than medicine! Thank you for the inspiration, Jess. I hope to do as well for myself.

    Love, Dee Dee

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  4. I love it! Jenny

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  5. Jesse - I've been following your blog for awhile now; I lived in Friday Harbor for several years. I admire your outstanding courage and hope. I was just diagnosed with a melanoma on my retina, and your attitude has been such an inspiration to me as I look at surgery and radiation in the following weeks. Keep being strong and positive!

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  6. Thank you Jesse. What a great example of living in the moment. I'm going to be right there with you on this one. (You don't know me but I"m a former Friday Harborite, recently of Paris, France and now back in Seattle.) Thank you for your honesty and courage in dealing with this.

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  7. It was so great to see your smiling face yesterday and talk, laugh and catch-up. YOu are amazing and have such a compassionate heart. I love your gusto and determination to enjoy every day, because all you can do now is live and live to the fullest while you wait. I know it is hard, but try to push the next appointment from your thoughts until, like, the day before so you can really enjoy the next three months. Oh, and let me know if you need a partner in crime, or whatever for your adventures! :)
    Love you,
    SArah

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  8. I'm glad you were able to get it out and cry a bit. It's all about small wins, right? You're doing great, Jess. Can't wait to see you next month! :)

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