Monday, July 30, 2012

Moving Out

Sorry I'm still not back to a regular posting schedule. Last Thursday, the counseling session was fantastic, and it prepared me emotionally for the appointment later in the day with the detective. The therapist helped me put the whole attack in perspective. I cried a good deal, and was able to discuss not only the attack, but also, all of the stress involved with our landlords. Unfortunately, we have to move. It has all been pretty unexpected, but step by step, it has become more and more uncomfortable to live here. All Danny and I want is a safe and happy home where we can focus on being healthy. We are moving out tomorrow. Each step of the way, dealing with our landlords, has been painful and sad. I wish I could say everything horrible that they've done, but I feel like it would be an ugly decision for me to make. There's no need for me to drag their names through the mud. They know what they've done, and how they've acted, and I'm not going to be able to teach them a lesson about kindness, empathy, or anything else. If there's one thing that I feel certain about, it's that you can't teach anyone anything. You can only be yourself, be honest, stand up for yourself, and avoid unnecessary stress/drama whenever possible.

Speaking of stress and drama, we've got only the good kind for the next two days. My parents will be here tonight, and we'll be packing today, then tomorrow we move out and into our new home. I have another counseling session tomorrow night, and I know that it will help me continue to heal. I feel like things are getting better and better. I feel relieved to get the therapy I need, the promise of a safe home with new landlords, time to heal and gain strength so that I can focus on  preparing for the clinical trial.

I need to be strong physically, mentally and emotionally. I must feel confident, yet relaxed and ready to conquer the world if I'm going to successfully undergo another brain surgery. For now I'm happy to I have the time to get back to walking the lake, then jogging the lake, focus on eating healthy, trying new recipes, stretching my limbs with yoga, and enjoying each moment of my amazing life. I'm so lucky, and happy to be alive. Even when things are tough, I'm still grateful to be breathing. Over the past few weeks, even at the lowest point, although I was scared, I just hoped and hoped that things would just get better. I day dreamed of jogging the lake, of laughing with friends, of walking to the grocery store and enjoying the little things of my daily life. All of those hopes, all of the wishing, culminated on Saturday night at our friends Laura & Eric's wedding. Finally, Dan and I were able to laugh, dance, visit with friends, enjoy the gorgeous day, the fresh air, the beautiful faces and happiness of their family and friends. It was perfect. Weddings are so much fun, especially when they're for people you love. Over the course of Saturday night I became more and more confident that Dan and I are going to pull through any hard times. I remembered that life isn't about the big things (cancer, the attack, the landlords, etc.), it's about hugs, laughter, stories, dancing, and love.



5 comments:

  1. You always show us how to take the high road, Jess. Light and love always prevail. Your choosing to move to a new place, heal with the guidance of a professional and draw from that phenomenal source of resilience that you are famous for, just affirm once again the exquisite spirit that you are and why we love you so!

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  2. "So Cal" PattiJuly 30, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    So glad to hear that you are moving and will be in a new place where you can have positive experiences that will lead you forward! You are such an inspiration to all of us who love you and you always remind us to see the good in things! Hoping that the change will spur you back into the healing direction in which you started! Love, "So Cal" Patti

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  3. Hi Jess. So glad to hear that you are healing and moving on....you are so brave!! Rene and I just watched a movie about a doctor name Burzynski. He is a cancer doctor in Texas. Not sure if you've heard about him but wanted to share the information with you. Good luck with the move. Thinking and praying for you.
    Love, Leisa and family

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  4. Will be praying for you as you move--that it would not be too stressful, that you will find peace and warmth in your new home, and that you would continue to heal from this experience. I'm so encouraged by the fact you get to be in the clinical trial. Keep persevering and fighting for yourself! Your friend, Jess

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  5. You inspire and amaze me and I am so fortunate to have been directed to your website and able to be a small part of the life that your share so honestly and lovingly. I wish you only health, happiness, peace and love Jessica!

    Maleka

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