Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Love, True Love

My girlfriend Meghan just emailed this photo to both Danny and I. How fun! I had never seen it before. I can't believe how short my hair was, and how far I've come. I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful man who loves me so deeply. I'm incredibly grateful to have such wonderful friends, and an amazing family. I am not defeated.

Last Thursday was a turning point for me. I had breakfast with Jude, and Seanene, and after I jogged home, I called So Cal Patti. I had been living on a 25% belief that I could beat my cancer, but then, throughout the day, something shifted. When he came home from work, I told Danny I was at a solid 75% which is great news because I had been tearful at the drop of a hat before Thursday. And, I'm incredibly happy to report that after this past weekend, I realized I'm back at 100% again - just like the old days. I can't explain it, it's just a gut feeling. That's not to say that I'm not fearful for my journey, but I'm more excited about the future success of my treatments.

Somehow I realized, truly absorbed the notion, that I am incredibly healthy. That no one would ever expect me to be ill. That I'm shockingly healthy, and capable, and fortunate. I have been surrounded by a loving and selfless man who continuously makes me laugh uncontrollably, and I have mounds of friends who endlessly hug me, and give me their love, constantly filling up my soul. I have family who will stop at nothing to help me beat this. I have new friends who have found me from this blog, and continue to support and love me even though they have their own challenges in their lives. I am alive, I am thriving, I am quite possibly the luckiest girl in the world.

I want to say that "cancer" is just a word, but that would downplay the reality. Cancer is serious, it's scary, terrifying actually, but life is full of beautiful relationships, of love, laughter, and kindness. Somehow, I no longer really feel like I have "cancer". I feel like I am a whole person, completely healthy, incredibly capable, and that my choice to do this chemo drink, to take all of my supplements, to exercise, to partake in the IV treatments, and to practice my deep breathing, are all to keep me healthy. I feel like I'm more in the maintenance phase than a deeply stressful fight to save my life. It's an amazing evolution, one that was necessary for my survival. People can not function in survival mode for long, not without enduring serious consequences.


  1. I just want to let you know that I have a really good "gut" feeling for you too. You can do this. You're such an inspiration. Thinking of you.

  2. i could not love this more, dear girl

  3. Wow, how sexy can you get! What a gorgeous picture of you and Danny . . . let me wipe my brow! Your gratitude and attitude in this posting is an amazing sunrise on this cloudy morn. You make my heart sing. Thanks Jessica and Danny too.

  4. "So Cal" PattiMay 30, 2012 at 2:06 PM

    Oh Jess- I am SO happy to hear that you are back to 100% and that our talk might have helped you! I am able to see from a far all the incredible positives in your life! You are healthy and surrounded by love and support! The hard part is keeping the fear of the unknown (Hermie) from blocking out all the good things! Remember to find (or picture in your mind) a dandelion, make a wish and blow all those little pieces everywhere. Mentally picture that happening to Hermie! Visualization can carry healing energy and move mountains! I will call you soon to see how you are doing and to pump more positive energy your way!!! Love, Patti

  5. Love the 100%! And love the photo :)

  6. Love the photo. Absolutely beautiful.
    Also, so happy to hear that your spirits are up and that you're 100% back in the game.
    Chin up, girl. You've got this.

  7. You are an inspiration! Sometimes I lie and tell people you are a model; that is why you are home during the day like me!!

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