My Fitness Pal

MyFitnessPal

From being so sedentary the past month and a half, I've gained a few pounds. It falls somewhere between the seven to ten pound mark of pure lard. No big deal though, I found the coolest FREE app, MyFitnessPal, that counts my calories, even showing the breakdown of carbs, protein & fat, and calculates the calories that I burn. It even shows the breakdown of the vitamins and nutrients that I've eaten that day. I can check any deficiencies - it's so cool! The whole thing has turned into a game. I sound like an advertisement, but I promise you it's amazing! I use it on my phone and it's fun to add in any new food, or exercise. I thought it would be depressing, tracking every single piece of food that goes in my mouth, but instead it has been uplifting. If I eat a big meal and I feel fat, I can check my app and so far it has shown that I'm still within my range, or I realize that I need to get out for a quick walk or jog. Instead of figuring that I've already ruined my calorie count, and going for more food later, I realize that I am still in the game. I'm not sure if that makes sense, hopefully it does. I've already lost 5 lbs. I even ate homemade margarita pizza last night, and STILL lost weight.

If I keep up with my program (my goal is to lose 10 lbs), I should be at my goal weight 145 by Oct 1st. That's exciting!! At the rate I'm going, I only have 5 pounds more to go. I've always had a problem eating small amounts, especially when the food is delicious, but it was fun creating a healthy-ish meal like my homemade pizza, and still losing weight. I can literally track everything, and I know exactly how to be successful. The best part is that I can see when I've gone "negative" and I need to get out to burn some calories to stay on track. No more guessing. No more giving up. I'm probably annoyingly excited, but hey, weight is tricky and anything that helps keep me healthy is a good thing. Let me know if anyone decides to create a program - you can visit with your friends and share info. Some people like to do things on their own, but I'm more of a group kinda girl.

It feels so good to be successful. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you feel fat. It's demoralizing.

If you don't have an IPhone you can do this program on your computer at www.myfitnesspal.com

On another note, I successfully lifted weights at the gym last night with Dan. It was the first time in two months - the first time since the attack. I am on a roll! :)

Love, True Love

My girlfriend Meghan just emailed this photo to both Danny and I. How fun! I had never seen it before. I can't believe how short my hair was, and how far I've come. I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful man who loves me so deeply. I'm incredibly grateful to have such wonderful friends, and an amazing family. I am not defeated.

Last Thursday was a turning point for me. I had breakfast with Jude, and Seanene, and after I jogged home, I called So Cal Patti. I had been living on a 25% belief that I could beat my cancer, but then, throughout the day, something shifted. When he came home from work, I told Danny I was at a solid 75% which is great news because I had been tearful at the drop of a hat before Thursday. And, I'm incredibly happy to report that after this past weekend, I realized I'm back at 100% again - just like the old days. I can't explain it, it's just a gut feeling. That's not to say that I'm not fearful for my journey, but I'm more excited about the future success of my treatments.

Somehow I realized, truly absorbed the notion, that I am incredibly healthy. That no one would ever expect me to be ill. That I'm shockingly healthy, and capable, and fortunate. I have been surrounded by a loving and selfless man who continuously makes me laugh uncontrollably, and I have mounds of friends who endlessly hug me, and give me their love, constantly filling up my soul. I have family who will stop at nothing to help me beat this. I have new friends who have found me from this blog, and continue to support and love me even though they have their own challenges in their lives. I am alive, I am thriving, I am quite possibly the luckiest girl in the world.

I want to say that "cancer" is just a word, but that would downplay the reality. Cancer is serious, it's scary, terrifying actually, but life is full of beautiful relationships, of love, laughter, and kindness. Somehow, I no longer really feel like I have "cancer". I feel like I am a whole person, completely healthy, incredibly capable, and that my choice to do this chemo drink, to take all of my supplements, to exercise, to partake in the IV treatments, and to practice my deep breathing, are all to keep me healthy. I feel like I'm more in the maintenance phase than a deeply stressful fight to save my life. It's an amazing evolution, one that was necessary for my survival. People can not function in survival mode for long, not without enduring serious consequences.