Misery Loves Company

Beautiful blooming tree in front of the Green Lake library

It's gorgeous in Green Lake today. It's sunny and the air is crisp. I just jogged the lake with Emma, stopping by the library to pick up a book that I had on hold.

Things have been great, just chugging right along with the protocol. I've made some changes and decided to allow antioxidants to my Monday-Wednesday routine. Those are the high dose days of artemether, and I'm supposed to limit my antioxidant intake because antioxidants clean up free radicals in your body. The free radicals are what are needed for the artemether to arrive into the cancer cells. Anyway, it's a long story and I don't completely understand it, but what I do understand is that my body needs an apple or a hot tea here or there - and some raw garlic.

I'm hoping that allowing my body to have antioxidants on the high dose artemether days won't hurt the progress. Guess we'll just have to find out in April at the MRI. I just can't live off of bland, boring, nutrient sparse foods. I crave tea more than I crave wine. Is that crazy or what?!? It's true though. Never thought I'd say it.

Other changes in my life include the removal of my copper IUD. I had no idea that copper causes angiogenisis (the development of new blood vessels), which is "a fundamental step in the transition of tumors from a dormant state to a malignant one," according to Wikipedia. Ooops. Thank you to my brain tumor friend Jessica for pointing that one out. Jeez. Seriously, I am so glad that I post so much personal information on this blog because ya'll keep helping me get healthier and healthier.

There are so many things out there to know, and things that can combat (or encourage) cancer. It's impossible to have all of the information, and that's why I love you all so much. I appreciate all of the help!

In about an hour my girlfriend Jess, who is currently living in Abu Dhabi with her husband Andre (awesome guy), will be arriving for a week. For those who don't know her, she's the friend who flew across the world to be with me when I was diagnosed and shaved her head in solidarity. I'm so excited to see her!! I also can't wait for Thursday when I take my chemo drink. She's one of those girls that will totally try it - I can't wait to see her gag and then laugh hysterically. Friends like her are priceless. I don't know why, exactly, I'm so excited to disgust her with my chemo drink. It's probably because misery loves company? Or, maybe it's that I'm a sucker for a good laugh. Regardless, I'm excited.

Gotta Get That Bus App!

After writing that last post, instead of holing up with a ten pound bag of peanut M&Ms in bed (it helps to keep zero candy in the house) - which is what I wanted to do, I figured it was the perfect time to grab Emma and run the lake. When I'm cranky, or cold for that matter, Green Lake is the perfect mood enhancer.

It's crazy, but when I'm down and frustrated, exercising is literally the last thing I'm interested in, but I know it's the best thing for me. I have never finished a run with a bad attitude. Somewhere between lacing up my tennies, and the final strides slowing to a walk, I am transformed into a happier soul.

Just getting out of the house affords me the luxury of witnessing so many happy things. Yesterday, it was a man combing his two foot beard. Talk about awesome! There was the usual variety of dogs, and of course the lovers walking hand-in-hand. My favorite was the mommy group, spanning the entire path with their strollers like the front line of an army. They were gabbing like crazy and it made me smile. It was gorgeous yesterday, full of sunshine and crisp air.

When I got home, I started calling around to different doctors and finally made an appointment for that afternoon. I hopped in the shower, and wrote down directions. I walked to the bus stop and waited (I always get there early, just in case). When the bus pulled up I was playing on my phone, and quickly jumped up and hopped the steps paying the $2.25 toll. I walked to the back of the bus and got back on my phone. Danny recently gifted me his phone credit at Verizon so that I could get an IPhone. Apparently IPhone has an amazing bus app, which will help me get places. Unfortunately, I haven't downloaded it yet, because ten minutes into my ride I realized that I had gotten on the WRONG BUS!

I hopped off the bus, and knew where I was, but it was definitely waaaaaay off my path. So, I started walking, and called my mother. This is what always happens when I take the bus, I end up having to call someone who's at a computer to help me navigate my journey. I walked about thirty city blocks before my mom and I decided I needed to snag a taxi to make it to my doctor's appointment in time.

What I learned: Pay attention to the bus you're getting on. It will save you a lot of time, and money.

Luckily my doctor was running a little late and I had time to relax before the nurse took my blood pressure. She laughed hysterically when I gave her the full story and insisted that everyone has taken the wrong bus at least once in their early bus riding career. Aaaaah, just another day in the life of a new city girl.

Second moral of the story: Don't give up! I was able to make a doctor's appointment the same day, within my network of providers. I have a second appointment on Monday where I'll deal with the pooh issues. These two doctors are linked to UW so they can see all of my medical history and that's helpful too. During my annual exam (I figured I might as well start with that in my introductory appointment), the doctor asked how I was doing with the cancer. That was weird, but nice. She was supportive, and smiled. I told her that I'm trying to be as healthy as I can, and that I opted out of radiation at this point. She said with a smile, "I saw that." I wonder what the notes in my file say! Yikes! "Uncooperative little cuss" maybe? Anyway, my new doctor seemed to be on board, and thought that I have a healthy, happy attitude. Nice compliment!

I told her that I'm going to bring my body back to great health, rid myself of cancer, and that she'll see me someday when I ask her to remove my copper IUD. That someday, she will watch Danny and I start a family. Since the surgeries, Danny and I have cried several times over the thought of not being able to have a family together. I don't like to discuss it much with friends, or family, or on the blog. It's just such a deep and emotional issue, and along with that there are fears. I haven't always believed that I would get better. I wanted it, but I didn't truly believe. Now I do. I think that I just need to find the correct concoction of treatments.

I am sad to say that it used to be too painful to be close with my friends who were pregnant, or with new babies, but I'm happy to say that now I'm just ecstatic over the miracle of life. I love watching my friends start their families! I've come to peace, and my ugly jealousy and pain have disappeared. That's a very important and powerful change!