Sunday, March 26, 2017

On My Terms

I've been resting. I've been healing. My progress is obvious, and it's exciting!

Origenaly, while in the hospital, the speech, occupation, and physical therapists, told me that I needed to spend 2-3 weeks in acute care home where I would work 6-8 hours a day on my deficits. The worst part, I was told I would have to live on campus, alone. I remember the second their door shut and I turned to Dan. We looked at each other, and I said, "Dope." He smiled, and I whispered, "Is that okay?" 

I knew I couldn't be apart from him, not for that not during such a traumatic time. Dan and I laugh so much, we have the ability to keep things in perspective, we ground each other, and literally have fun in everything we do. There's nothing more therapeutic than my time with Dan. So I respectfully declined and said I would revisit therapy after I moved home in a month. 

I had been told from my surgeon, whom I implicitly trust, that a complete recovery was expected, but to be aware of swelling which could take sever months to recover. In my mind, her words vindicated my gut feeling, that this time should be for healing, compassion, patience, and not brow beating.

As this is my fourth brain surgery, I'm different in how I evaluate the process. I'm much more calm. I'm able to analyze what will serve me on an independent level. For me, I knew being away from Dan would dampen my soul, extinguish my light. It would actually be carmful.

So, instead of weeks working in frustration, we were cocooned with a magical beach home in Malibu. It was through a friend of a friend, but now it already feels family. We have been nurtured by everyone, even friends of friends. Each day, I get better and better, oftentimes even between naps. I started with a walker, and yesterday I walked over three miles. I no longer require assistance.

You can see in my language, in my writing, that I am fast improving. I have no fears of deficites, I have have no fear of much. Each challange is an adventure, and each opportunity is a gift. 

I have never felt so provided by the universe. From our friends, and family, holding down our home with our pets, to Dan's employers, and work buddies, the emotional support of your payers, and blog comments with pure love. All of the generous donations and gifts. We have made new friends, we have made unbelievable memories. We have found joy in the wildest circumstances, and it's because of all you! You lift us up, you nurture us, you choose to send us strength, and compassion. You are healing us. Please never underestimate your role! 

The world continues to bring surprises, and we continue to have so much fun regardless of the subject or context. Sometimes life feels like a movie, full of lessons and growth. It leaves me with hope, and recharges my soul, regardless of the ending. In those moments, as often as I can remember, I soak it up, lift my face to the heavens, with a jubilant expression, and praise God, praise the Heavens, and I thank whomever is responsible. 

Life is so damn fun!

These pictures show the milestone that is my first shower after three weeks of suture. Damn that felt good to remove and clean!!!


  1. You are an inspiration Jess!!! Amazing progress. ❤❤❤

  2. You and your words are beautiful! Thank you for sharing

  3. Jess your progress is obvious and so exciting! Your joy is contagious! xoxox

  4. Jess...your progress is awesome! So healing for all your friends to see your improvement! You are not missing much up north! It's been snowing ❄️and raining 🌧! Ready for some sunshine ☀️ Sending prayers and healing light to you!

  5. I feel so happy after reading this Jess! Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  6. Amazing in every way! Yiu and Dan are such inspirations. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

  7. Your light brings tears to my eyes. No one deserves health and happiness more than you two, simply for the love and gratitude you experience with every obstacle that is overcome. lol you jess.

  8. I must say it is so cool to see how your writing improves with each post. Thanks for sharing the healing process with us. The brain is quite the remarkable machine.

    You put your heart out there consistently Jess and it's truly inspiring and empowering to me to read.

    Sending you all the happy sparkly healing vibes <3

  9. Wonderful progress :-) It's almost audible when reading your blog. You and Dan both have such a way with words. Thank you for posting pictures-you both are so darn cute :-) Yay for getting to shower !!
    I was thinking about your one of your earlier posts. Most of us don't get the life we thought we would have. When my husband was diagnosed with his brain stem tumor someone who was very upset for him said "Why you" His answer was "Why anyone, why not me" Our 3 year old son died years ago and people say "I could never handle losing my child" God doesn't give you the strength before you need it He gives it when !! you need it. We see that strength and joy in the midst of this in you and Dan.
    Blessings to you both and prayers-always !!!

  10. I love reading your words, and Dan's. So inspiring. Goosebumps! Sending Reiki. God Bless you! Come home soon, but have fun where you are!

    1. You cannot imagine how often you come up in our walk group discussions with words like inspiring, amazing, strong, beautiful oh you know all the good words. This goes equally for your wonderful husband Dan. We are looking forward to seeing you soon. much love, nancy


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