Am I scared with the changes in my body? Sure. You bet. But what can I do? All I can do in times like these is keep chugging along, take things one step at a time. Live day by day. My life might be unique to the general population, but it's not unique in the cancer world, and certainly not the brain tumor world. Sometimes that fact alone gives me inspiration. There are so many fighters out there, and even with the fear of another tumor, I know that I want to enjoy my life, each moment. My new favorite thing has been cooking. It's always healthy foods, brain tumor fighting stuff, lots of veggies, lean meats, and lots of healthy fats (think avocados). There's something about exercising, too. It brings me closest to my version of heaven, engulfing me in an elated bubble. Takes me to a world where I can conquer anything, least of all a silly brain tumor. Exercise equates life for me. Our bodies are meant to move, to stretch, to sweat.
My one wish is that I wasn't so tired all the time. My biggest regret in life is the fact that I don't have enough energy. I struggle, deeply, with daily tasks. Even without pushing myself I get exhausted by the most minimal activities. Maybe that's why I adore exercise. It makes me feel alive, and the physical exertion followed by the soreness makes sense. It's one thing that I can count on. It's logical, when so much of my life doesn't seem to add up. I don't know why people get the battles they do. I don't know why some have harder challenges. I don't know the meaning of life. I don't know my purpose. I don't know why some tumors grow and others don't. I don't know much, in fact. I know that I am beloved by Dan, and I deeply love him in return. I know that I have several close friends who truly understand, to their best ability, what I'm going through and they are unimaginably gracious to me. I know that I laugh every day. I know that I love every day. Sometimes life can seem so complicated, but when you break it down, it turns out, it's actually pretty simple.