Wednesday, July 20, 2011

No Fear

Ok. I'm off my pity pot. I feel loads better, I just needed to put this stuff in perspective! Every time I have a massive change, I need to digest it, and put it in its' rightful place.

So what if I can't drive. I don't need to drive everywhere anyway. The lack of driving gives me an excuse to stay home and take care of little things. I usually wear a life jacket in the river anyway. So what if I need a bath companion, at least it'll be fun to visit with my mom or whomever.

I'm alive, I'm not in the hospital, I'm not broken from a horrible car accident. I don't need to live in fear, I'm just going to take things one step at a time both proverbially and literally. Just like after the brain surgeries, I'll start with walking slow, then walk longer, and when I feel ready I'll start slowly running again, and before I know it I'll be finishing up my runs with sprints. I have no reason to fear exercise. There is no time to live in fear, although there's always room to be cautious.

I wrote a little note on the whiteboard magnetized to my fridge. It's a place where Danny and I always used to leave little love notes. It says, "I will not live in fear." So simple, but not so simple that it doesn't need to be repeated.

Sometimes I find that all I need is a little pep talk and some encouragement from friends, so thanks everyone. I'm still having flashbacks, but I take a deep breath, push the scary thoughts out of my mind, and change my focus. I will not give up.

5 comments:

  1. "So Cal" PattiJuly 20, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    Great news and positive thinking!!! "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"- Dr. Wayne Dyer

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  2. Your perspective and self-talk are inspiring and so true! Happiness and looking on the bright side is a choice you get to make everyday:)

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  3. Love you Jess, I wish I could be as strong as you are!!!!

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  4. Glad to have the tenacious Jess back! Fear is really debilitaing and hard to abate. I imagine moreso than anything when it comes to one's health. I know when I've been really, really scared (like out in the middle of the ocean in 18' seas) I tell myself over and over, "There's nothing to fear, but fear itself." Somebody said that, but it helps. Glad you're perspective has changed. XOXO

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  5. Hi Jessica....
    I too have a brain tumor (diagnosed at age 27 in 2007)--an oligodendroglioma, had surgery which has left me with some physical deficits and fatigue and last week was just told I have a recurrence. Anyway, I've been trying to find out more about the ketone diet--where have you found most of your information. Seems kind of hard to implement without knowing exact amounts, etc. Have you been working with a nutritionist? Just curious about your experience with it.

    So sorry that we're in the same boat with this brain tumor thing.

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