Gotta Get That Bus App!

After writing that last post, instead of holing up with a ten pound bag of peanut M&Ms in bed (it helps to keep zero candy in the house) - which is what I wanted to do, I figured it was the perfect time to grab Emma and run the lake. When I'm cranky, or cold for that matter, Green Lake is the perfect mood enhancer.

It's crazy, but when I'm down and frustrated, exercising is literally the last thing I'm interested in, but I know it's the best thing for me. I have never finished a run with a bad attitude. Somewhere between lacing up my tennies, and the final strides slowing to a walk, I am transformed into a happier soul.

Just getting out of the house affords me the luxury of witnessing so many happy things. Yesterday, it was a man combing his two foot beard. Talk about awesome! There was the usual variety of dogs, and of course the lovers walking hand-in-hand. My favorite was the mommy group, spanning the entire path with their strollers like the front line of an army. They were gabbing like crazy and it made me smile. It was gorgeous yesterday, full of sunshine and crisp air.

When I got home, I started calling around to different doctors and finally made an appointment for that afternoon. I hopped in the shower, and wrote down directions. I walked to the bus stop and waited (I always get there early, just in case). When the bus pulled up I was playing on my phone, and quickly jumped up and hopped the steps paying the $2.25 toll. I walked to the back of the bus and got back on my phone. Danny recently gifted me his phone credit at Verizon so that I could get an IPhone. Apparently IPhone has an amazing bus app, which will help me get places. Unfortunately, I haven't downloaded it yet, because ten minutes into my ride I realized that I had gotten on the WRONG BUS!

I hopped off the bus, and knew where I was, but it was definitely waaaaaay off my path. So, I started walking, and called my mother. This is what always happens when I take the bus, I end up having to call someone who's at a computer to help me navigate my journey. I walked about thirty city blocks before my mom and I decided I needed to snag a taxi to make it to my doctor's appointment in time.

What I learned: Pay attention to the bus you're getting on. It will save you a lot of time, and money.

Luckily my doctor was running a little late and I had time to relax before the nurse took my blood pressure. She laughed hysterically when I gave her the full story and insisted that everyone has taken the wrong bus at least once in their early bus riding career. Aaaaah, just another day in the life of a new city girl.

Second moral of the story: Don't give up! I was able to make a doctor's appointment the same day, within my network of providers. I have a second appointment on Monday where I'll deal with the pooh issues. These two doctors are linked to UW so they can see all of my medical history and that's helpful too. During my annual exam (I figured I might as well start with that in my introductory appointment), the doctor asked how I was doing with the cancer. That was weird, but nice. She was supportive, and smiled. I told her that I'm trying to be as healthy as I can, and that I opted out of radiation at this point. She said with a smile, "I saw that." I wonder what the notes in my file say! Yikes! "Uncooperative little cuss" maybe? Anyway, my new doctor seemed to be on board, and thought that I have a healthy, happy attitude. Nice compliment!

I told her that I'm going to bring my body back to great health, rid myself of cancer, and that she'll see me someday when I ask her to remove my copper IUD. That someday, she will watch Danny and I start a family. Since the surgeries, Danny and I have cried several times over the thought of not being able to have a family together. I don't like to discuss it much with friends, or family, or on the blog. It's just such a deep and emotional issue, and along with that there are fears. I haven't always believed that I would get better. I wanted it, but I didn't truly believe. Now I do. I think that I just need to find the correct concoction of treatments.

I am sad to say that it used to be too painful to be close with my friends who were pregnant, or with new babies, but I'm happy to say that now I'm just ecstatic over the miracle of life. I love watching my friends start their families! I've come to peace, and my ugly jealousy and pain have disappeared. That's a very important and powerful change!

Pause The X-Ray

Ugh....why is our health care so confusing?!?! Why is it that they'll pay for THAT but not THIS, and sometimes they'll cover 80% and other times nothing. On a whim, I called my insurance company to make sure that I didn't need a pre-authorization, and I asked what they would cover. Answer: I would have to pay the first $500, and then 20% after that. Yuck! Seriously? How much IS an abdominal x-ray?

There is a whole world of medical nuances and it can seriously make you go blind. I've been fortunate enough to have my mother match up all of my statements, and bills and argue discrepancies. She's saved me a lot of money because of coding errors and double billing. I think it's sad that it's this hard to figure out your own health care. We have amazing doctors, amazing treatments, and I love the health care available, it's just so damn expensive. Think of if I didn't even HAVE insurance. That thought makes me ill.

I recently was able to get on to Danny's work insurance, so now, instead of just stacking another $500 & 20% bill onto the stack, I've already been on the internet trying to find a new doctor on my new insurance plan that will hopefully be a good fit and maybe won't be quite as expensive. So far I've got nothing. Most of the general practitioners that I could walk to (closest is over a mile) specialize in physical therapy, or they have a small private office and they don't have access to the other therapies that I was hoping to utilize. This whole no driving thing is really becoming a pain in my ass.

It has been five months, exactly, since my last seizure. In one more month I can drive. I've talked about it a bunch with Danny, and a couple of my friends, that I'm scared. I don't know if I can put myself behind a wheel. I would never forgive myself if I hurt someone. Dan and I have a friend who was hit by a car while riding her bike. If I was driving, and a seizure came on, I might not be able to stop the car in time. What if I hit a pedestrian? What if I hit a child? What if? What if? It's a very sobering thought. I don't know how I will reconcile that fear. I'm not sure if I should ever drive again.

Ugh. In the meantime, I need to find a new doctor and see if Dan's plan covers x-rays. I hate this. I just want to crawl back in bed and give up.