Sunday, August 2, 2015

Heaven on Earth

I am embarrassed and relieved to report that my headaches were linked to a hormonal influx. I've never had that happen, I've never had such a horrible response to the female way. I don't know if it's because I'm nearing the end of my fertility (more or less) - or at least the norm of fertility. 

This Thursday I will be 35. 

This Thursday I will have outlived several of my various doctor's expectations on my lifespan. In fack, back in 2011 insurance tried to push me into hospice. According to their calculations I didn't have long to live. 

I've come such a long way, learning how to read and write and walk then run. 

I have enjoyed every single day. It never mattered if I was in a hospital bed, incapacitated in my own bed, or just the daily grind of trying to survive and enjoy life. I feel so grateful to be here. I am overjoyed every day that I wake up. I love life so much that it's hard for me to sleep, I want to soak it up. 

This is not the life that I thought I would live. I never thought I would get diagnosed with cancer at the age of 29, and I never thought - after everything we've gone through - that I would be this capable, and healthy, and happy at 35.  As you guys know, these tumors are aggressive and invasive, and I never know if they'll be back, but good God I cherish this life. Every. Single. Moment. Which is why those debilitating headaches were so terrifying. Everyone has their own views on faith, and God, and afterlife, and truthfully, my views evolve and flux. I have no idea what comes next, but my soul tells me that I'm already living in heaven. That I am living in heaven on Earth. I have Angels surrounding me and loving me, and it's you. It's my friends, and my family, and those who love me. So when I get scared about more surgeries, more treatments, more progression, I will remind myself that I am not alone. 


  1. Oh my gosh, your appreciation for life is making me all teary! I hope you have many, many years of Heaven on Earth--it can use more sweethearts like you!

  2. So glad you figured things out! My husband and I where both worried about you. We are not doctors, we just try to read everything we can. You always amazing us and push me to do more! Stay well ❤️

  3. Thank you so much for letting us know. We have been so very worried for you. Glad it was related to your hormones (not that having a headache is good) but for you a hormonal headaches is good news. Bless you Jessica & Dan You both are wonderful people & inspire us all to cherish every moment.

  4. Happy Birthday Jess! We celebrate you and your passion for life. We so appreciate you're being a generous advocate and mentor for others as you find your way through the medical maze so many get lost in. We admire your skills as such an authentic and independent thinker, your tenacity to seek truthful answers. We are grateful for your inspiration, the depth and sincerity of your sharing, your contagious joy, your courage and compassion for others, your heart of gold. Thank you so much for all you do. Have a wonderful birthday and many, many more! Love, C.

  5. Happy Birthday :-) Jessica. Hope your day is filled with love, laughter, joys & memories. May your coming year be filled with blessings overflowing !!!!!

  6. Happy Birthday, and congrats on making 35! As an FYI, you are not alone on the hormonal headache front. I started to get these "occasional" migraines when I was 38. It took me TWO years of increasing regularity (every four months, every three months, every month, on a specific Tuesday) for me to figure out it was hormonal. And they were some ugly-sauce migraines. The type of thing a couple of Advil couldn't touch. No auras, but so bad I got motion sick from the rhythm of my own breathing. Talked to my doctor, she said yep, there are bigger monthly hormone swings the older women get, and in some folks who are us, it can trigger some righteous migraines. I do intense project-based work and could no longer risk the monthly call-ins, so she put me on continuous birth control so I stay in a steady hormone state. I'm a blissful 42 now, and I say blissful because it's been almost two years since I went continuous BC and went migraine-free. Love me some BC.


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