Tuesday, August 11, 2015

A Film Crew?

Hey Guys! Thank you for all of the birthday comments, texts, and emails, and phone calls, and Facebook messages! You guys all make me feel deeply loved.

On my birthday Dan surprised me by taking me on a bike ride along the Burke Gilman, which I have run but never rode. Riding bikes on the BG is awesome! I's mostly flat and you can literally ride for miles and miles. It's stunning.


But that's not even the biggest news. One part of the big news is that I am flying back to New York next week, the 19th, for an attempt at another immunotherapy shot. It should be fine though, I'm expecting smooth sailing so to speak. 

The next part is that in 24 hours or so, SoulPancake a media/production company ("We create stuff that matters. That opens your heart. That makes you think. Our mission is to help you and your audience figure out what it means to be human and feel damn good doing it. Our brain batter of art, culture, science, philosophy, spirituality, and humor is designed to get people talking, sharing, and engaging with this crazy, exciting, creative journey that is life."), along with WayFarer Entertainment, is sending out a crew to film Danny and I for an episode of a series about people who get diagnosed with cancer. It's kinda crazy, and a huge honor to get to share what we've gone through, and share how we live our lives. My hope is that we can make others feel more comfortable about what they're going through, or have experienced. And that goes for people who have been diagnosed with cancer, and those who haven't. 

We all have hard things that pop up in life, and personal stories always help me, so I'm hoping to inspire others and put them at ease. People often ask me how I've been able to do what I've done (defy odds, find new opportunities health wise to live longer, relearn talking, reading, and moving my body) and all I can think of is how important it has been to be stubborn/strong willed, curious, passionate, easily inspired, and easy to laugh. That combo has been a saving grace. I always say this because there are no guarantees, but this type of cancer, the infiltrating astrocytoma is invasive and virtually impossible to survive solely by conventional methods. And since I'm not as hard core as I once was, there is always the possibility that the cancer is growing inside me. It's a very real, very scary reality. But if I just panic and miss the beauty in life, constantly living in complete fear, then what was the point in life? What was the point of me being on Earth? So I try to keep things in perspective. I try to maintain a balance between enjoying life and maintaining my health; constantly oscillating between two worlds. Sometimes they overlap, but often times it is an exercise in control and depravation. 

I'm nervous for the film crew, but also excited. It's very surreal, and terrifying letting people come into your life, your home, to see exactly who you are, your mannerisms, your quirks. Clearly I've been doing it for awhile, but it's different when I'm doing the blog. With the blog, I have complete control over editing on what I choose to share in my life. In this situation, I don't. I'm also not a fan of watching myself on video (hence the lack of video blogs). I'm an emoter, a sharer, an open book, but I tend to express myself verbally with the written word. I keep reminding myself that this is only through Sunday, and after that it will all be over. So I need to be in the moment, and have fun and enjoy the oddity that will be getting filmed. I will blink and it will be over. But what will last will the memories, and the documentation of when the show airs. That will be a beautiful treasure.

3 comments:

  1. This is so cool you are working with Soul Pancake. Please share the link when it's published (regardless of how much you don't like watching yourself!). I'm sure you will be portrayed just as you are: extremely lovable! And I know the feeling of trying to balance not being terrified of living, while recognizing things that are ARE seriously dangerous. I'm still unsettled on which side beer falls on. GOOD LUCK! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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  2. Jess - I thought you might appreciate this poem written by Pam Hoke that was printed in the San Juan Update:
    Cancer makes me fearful, yet empowers me to face fear.

    It frustrates me, yet helps me embrace life amidst uncertainty

    It breaks me down, yet lifts me up.

    It challenges me, yet calms me.

    It saddens me, yet inspires me.

    It angers me, yet places me into gratitude.

    It gets me worked up, then helps me take pause.

    It brings me pain, yet the pain leads me to be gentle with myself.

    It hardens me, yet softens me.

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  3. I just heard about SoulPancake last month and got to listen to a presentation from them. Such great work they are doing. And well you are just the perfect fit. Shine like the star that you are! XOXOX

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