Monday, August 17, 2015

More of Our Love. I don't want it to end. Ever.

The toasts were beautiful. The love was better than anything I could dreamt of. When my treatment was halted a couple of weeks ago, I panicked and I wrote this, not knowing if I would die. Little did I know that I would have a wedding a few weeks later - a gift from Justin and Sam from Wayfarer - and all of their elfs (although I really want to sneak all of them into my pocket - they have island souls, the kindness.) I write and I often never share - shocking but true, but this is something I wrote and shared at our surprise wedding. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for Dan's love. I am grateful that we have worked so hard that I am still here. This poured out of my heart on the flight home when I was denied a treatment because of bureaucracy. I didn't know if I would be able to continue my treatment and it terrified me. But I am here, and if anyone needs help that that's why I believe I'm alive. I will help you the best I can.

"During my life there have been so many people that have been gracious, that have been patient. That have been forgiving, and supportive. There are all these beautiful souls that have surrounded me, raised me, protected me. They have enveloped me with love, a cocoon. But when I go home, when the lights are low, and real life hits, Dan has always been there. In those dark moments I am never alone. I get engulfing hugs, big bear embraces. He wipes away my tears, then he cries with me. From the incisions and scabs, and staples and bald days, and my original wordless existence. My lack of humor. The stress he has endured from my inability to hold a fork, or walk on my own. The days when I couldn't lift my own arm to shave, and dan would pick me up and put me in the tub. He would shave me, never with disgust, only with kindness and a flirt here or there. I don't know how I have been so blessed, so blessed that he was attracted to me even at my worst. It still surprises me, but I'll tell you what - I don't take it for granted

I wrote a note before Dan and I ever dated and wildly he fit every single dream. Sometimes life is so big that you can't even describe the love in your heart. And that is how I feel about Danny. My Danny. I've never liked the idea of a person "completing" me, but crap, he does. After eight years I still sense him before he walks into the house. I feel him from afar, as does he to me - I thank god, I thank this Earth, I thank the magic that is life, for that. I've never been so loved and I have never loved so deeply. It's weird, and I know that this doesn't happen for everyone, which makes it even more of a gift, that Dan's heart and mine are so connected that it's inseparable.  Linda had no idea about the role that Dan would have in my life. How needed and desired he is. How appreciated. He is my angel. Linda, you gave Dan the gift of life, and that's what Danny gives me everyday. You did that. And I thank you so much." 


  1. I have tears just reading this, feeling the love you have for Dan. It's beautiful and authentic and I am so glad you have him to!

  2. You look so beautiful! Congratuations!


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