Friday, October 7, 2011

Lopsided Unicorn

I've been doing too much and it always catches up with me. Two days ago, I couldn't get out of bed. I was too exhausted. Brain tumors suck. It always works like this. As long as I get 12+ hours of solid sleep each night, I can function really well. If I get less than 12 hours, my head throbs constantly, I'm exhausted, I'm dizzy, my mind's cloudy, and I am unable to function. I'm not even capable of reading a book, it's too tiring. The worst part, is that I'm unable to nap when I'm at my worst. I just look like a zombie, shuffling to the bathroom and back to bed. I swivelled to the foot of the bed so that I could stare at bingie my gray cat. Luckily, he sleeps all day so I had company.

When I'm doing well, and I'm rested, I feel like I can conquer the world. I'm ready to try and take buses, or walk around the lake, even cook a new recipe, but when I crash, I really crash. It's exhausting.

Also, when I'm exhausted, and without enough sleep, the screw in the front of my skull hurts more severely. I can't remember if I've mentioned the fact that I have a screw loose. Literally. I started noticing it in May. At first my oncologist's nurse said it was a ball of nerve endings, not a screw, but I had a feeling she was wrong. I kept telling Danny that it's a screw, and it's going to get worse. When I went to the headache specialist in July, she said it was noticeably the screw from the brain surgery. Apparently, my body is slowly rejecting it. The only thing they can do is another surgery, but at this point I feel I'm better off managing the pain by getting enough sleep and using over the counter medication.

I never thought that the screws would come loose. I assumed that surgery was a one time deal, or until tumor growth. Apparently, according to my doctors, it's very common to have your body reject screws, it's just not supposed to happen for years and years. I wonder how long it will take my horn to be noticeable to others, right now I can disguise it with my poofy bangs. Maybe I'll be a devil for Halloween since I already have part of the costume. Or, I guess I could be a lopsided unicorn. Either way, at least I have options.


  1. Jess, you've always been a crazy, fun-loving, go-for-it chick with a screw loose anyway!!!! (kidding you know that), resting doesn't mean you have to actually sleep, maybe just lay-down, we love you the way you are, up/down/all around. xoxoxox???????

  2. Jess,

    My screws hurt too when I get overtired or stressed! Crazy, that yours do too. I have never brought it up to my docs; I just figured that when I'm tired or stressed the muscles in my skull just are tight making it pull funny on the hardware. My scar also will throb like crazy when I'm exhausted. I hate that! Anyway, hang in there.


  3. Jess, i always smile when I read your post.. I wish it came with better news but I'm glad you can find humor, It is the best medicine.. I pray for you often and think of how you deal with all of this so well I know that's much easier said then done but you really do it well.. Next time your here in FH call me if your up to it and we can have lunch.. Get good sleep:) allison p


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