Heaven on Earth

I am embarrassed and relieved to report that my headaches were linked to a hormonal influx. I've never had that happen, I've never had such a horrible response to the female way. I don't know if it's because I'm nearing the end of my fertility (more or less) - or at least the norm of fertility. 

This Thursday I will be 35. 

This Thursday I will have outlived several of my various doctor's expectations on my lifespan. In fack, back in 2011 insurance tried to push me into hospice. According to their calculations I didn't have long to live. 

I've come such a long way, learning how to read and write and walk then run. 

I have enjoyed every single day. It never mattered if I was in a hospital bed, incapacitated in my own bed, or just the daily grind of trying to survive and enjoy life. I feel so grateful to be here. I am overjoyed every day that I wake up. I love life so much that it's hard for me to sleep, I want to soak it up. 

This is not the life that I thought I would live. I never thought I would get diagnosed with cancer at the age of 29, and I never thought - after everything we've gone through - that I would be this capable, and healthy, and happy at 35.  As you guys know, these tumors are aggressive and invasive, and I never know if they'll be back, but good God I cherish this life. Every. Single. Moment. Which is why those debilitating headaches were so terrifying. Everyone has their own views on faith, and God, and afterlife, and truthfully, my views evolve and flux. I have no idea what comes next, but my soul tells me that I'm already living in heaven. That I am living in heaven on Earth. I have Angels surrounding me and loving me, and it's you. It's my friends, and my family, and those who love me. So when I get scared about more surgeries, more treatments, more progression, I will remind myself that I am not alone.