Sorry I'm still not back to a regular posting schedule. Last Thursday, the counseling session was fantastic, and it prepared me emotionally for the appointment later in the day with the detective. The therapist helped me put the whole attack in perspective. I cried a good deal, and was able to discuss not only the attack, but also, all of the stress involved with our landlords. Unfortunately, we have to move. It has all been pretty unexpected, but step by step, it has become more and more uncomfortable to live here. All Danny and I want is a safe and happy home where we can focus on being healthy. We are moving out tomorrow. Each step of the way, dealing with our landlords, has been painful and sad. I wish I could say everything horrible that they've done, but I feel like it would be an ugly decision for me to make. There's no need for me to drag their names through the mud. They know what they've done, and how they've acted, and I'm not going to be able to teach them a lesson about kindness, empathy, or anything else. If there's one thing that I feel certain about, it's that you can't teach anyone anything. You can only be yourself, be honest, stand up for yourself, and avoid unnecessary stress/drama whenever possible.
Speaking of stress and drama, we've got only the good kind for the next two days. My parents will be here tonight, and we'll be packing today, then tomorrow we move out and into our new home. I have another counseling session tomorrow night, and I know that it will help me continue to heal. I feel like things are getting better and better. I feel relieved to get the therapy I need, the promise of a safe home with new landlords, time to heal and gain strength so that I can focus on preparing for the clinical trial.
I need to be strong physically, mentally and emotionally. I must feel confident, yet relaxed and ready to conquer the world if I'm going to successfully undergo another brain surgery. For now I'm happy to I have the time to get back to walking the lake, then jogging the lake, focus on eating healthy, trying new recipes, stretching my limbs with yoga, and enjoying each moment of my amazing life. I'm so lucky, and happy to be alive. Even when things are tough, I'm still grateful to be breathing. Over the past few weeks, even at the lowest point, although I was scared, I just hoped and hoped that things would just get better. I day dreamed of jogging the lake, of laughing with friends, of walking to the grocery store and enjoying the little things of my daily life. All of those hopes, all of the wishing, culminated on Saturday night at our friends Laura & Eric's wedding. Finally, Dan and I were able to laugh, dance, visit with friends, enjoy the gorgeous day, the fresh air, the beautiful faces and happiness of their family and friends. It was perfect. Weddings are so much fun, especially when they're for people you love. Over the course of Saturday night I became more and more confident that Dan and I are going to pull through any hard times. I remembered that life isn't about the big things (cancer, the attack, the landlords, etc.), it's about hugs, laughter, stories, dancing, and love.
