Training

I have been eating like a horse lately. I can't seem to feel satiated. I'm hoping it's because I've jump started running again. (Previously, I had only been running twice a week - now it's four.) Hopefully my crazy cravings and absurd hunger will level out. :)

I am having so much fun training! It forces me out of the house for a run, even if it's dumping rain. Each day that I cross off my running calendar makes me feel so accomplished. I end up feeling invigorated. Thrilled. Ready to conquer the next hurdle. And tired, and sore, but in a good way! I haven't ran a half marathon since before I was diagnosed.

My first half marathon was in 2007, and I started training because I was quite overweight. Seriously. My fattest point (and I say "fat" because the extra weight was pure lard) was 182. I'm not even joking. I'm 5'6 3/4. I haven't had a weight problem since that point in my life, I've fluctuated, sure, but I will never get to that point again. After all of the surgeries I've always gained between 5-7 lbs, but although I keep tabs, I don't go crazy to keep a certain weight. I weigh myself every week or so, just to stay informed. I have the kind of body that disperses weight pretty evenly, so I can gain 10 or more lbs and still be in the same jean size. My clothes keep secrets quite well, so well that they don't even keep ME informed. Therefore, I am one of the scale lovers. Some people hate scales, and that's fine too, I figure we all have to find our own tricks.

Anyway, this half-marathon training is such a powerfully emotional and inspirational venture. It signifies that I'm capable, that I am strong. That I am in control of my body, and my mind. That I can stick to a schedule. That I'm one step closer to living a real life, closer to proving that I can hold a job, and most of all, that I am healthy.

Each time I look at my muddy running shoes and see the wear, or feel the ache in my muscles I feel proud. It's quite possibly one of the best feelings in the world.

Best breakfast in ages, oatmeal, ground flaxseed, frozen handpicked FH blackberries from my brother