Friday, October 8, 2010

Nerves

I find myself wondering around the house, going back and forth to the gym, and trying to entertain myself in the garden. I'm nervous, but trying to fight it. I can't even spend much time on the computer because I can't sit still. Nerves.

I guess this is how it's going to be. Every three months I'll go through the same cycle. Elation from a great MRI, feeling my freedom, working out and trying to maintain my health, then as the next MRI begins to loom over me, I'll start into a descent of nerves, battling all the while trying to stay sane. It could be worse, I could have a bad MRI. I feel I have a 50% chance of having a good MRI. I'm not going to be overly optimistic, or pessimistic. I feel like this tumor is like the ocean, you have to give it respect. It has a power of its own.

2 comments:

  1. What a profound analogy comparing the tumor to the ocean and the degree of respect and power they both have.

    Louisa May Alcott said: "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

    It appears as if you are learning how to sail your ship too Jess, and you're doing a very impressive job of it. Let me be overly optimistic for you for I am. xoxoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. "So Cal" PattiOctober 9, 2010 at 10:22 AM

    You are doing a wonderful job of handling all of your uncertainties with dignity and grace, and your writing is lovely! Sending love and prayers your way for a great report on Tuesday!!!

    ReplyDelete

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