Ebb and Flow

I think I've figured things out...for now anyway :) Through excellent advice from amazing friends like Dee Dee, and Aunt Jennifer, along with my girls, my man, and my family, I've been able to put things in perspective.

Sometimes, I can get too introspective, and over analytical. I can tend to focus on the big picture and then try to micromanage my life.

My current goal is to get over that. With this diagnosis, my life and emotions ebb and flow like the tides. Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm self absorbed and the rest of the time I'm half way normal.

I hate the self absorbed part, and yet at the same time I end up learning more about my cancer and the best way to handle the medical side, the healing side.

I'm done with the poor me side for awhile. I say, "awhile" because it always comes back when I worry and second guess. I'm sorry for being a yo-yo. I wish I could control it, I really honestly do. Thank you for all of the comments, the emails, and personal conversations. Sometimes it's as simple as, "Hey, whatever is swirling around in your head I'm sorry that you're going through this."

Thanks guys :) Thank you for helping picking me back up!

Life Elongating Choices

Alright. As you may notice from my lack of posts, I'm working out some things. Like my perspective about this tumor. I've spent the past several days back on the restricted Ketogenic diet which study after study have proven to slow the growth of astrocytomas.

I've basically been hiding away, working my usual schedule then heading home with my cell phone off and limited internet. Usually I'm fine, but recently I'm feeling pretty vulnerable. I'm working on it though. I need to put this diagnosis in its place, but I can't seem to shelve it. It just seems to hover around in my mind bouncing between what I should do, what I need to do, what I haven't done to conquer this.

I guess I'm a little bit of a worrier. I used to call myself a problem solver, but lately I'm just a worrier. I don't feel like I'm solving anything. I think, maybe in time, I'll learn enough to feel like I'm doing things the right way. That I'm making the best choices. 

I guess I feel the pull of this tumor. According to research, I don't have unlimited time to make good choices. It's all on me. It's right now. That's a lot of pressure.