Mal Meds

My medications have been making crazy. For the past week I have been confused about what specific meds are causing problems. As my pills run out, it's easier to pinpoint. I have been hallucinating, talking to myself and to imaginary people when I'm alone. Now that I'm back with Dan, he caught me in an episode, so he emailed Dr Liau. He also talked to her about the fact that my whole face is covered in painful blisters. I'm not fairing well, constantly in pain (no more pain meds), blisters all over my face - spreading across my body, hallucinations, serious depression, suicidal thoughts, it's so awful.

Dr Liau has me tapering off the anti-seizure medication early,thankfully. All we can hope for is to get back to normal, back to the happy place where I normally live. I am barely hanging on, at the end of my rope, feeling crazy, LITERALLY psychotic and very much in pain.

Sorry to my friends, but I don't want to see anyone. Please don't stop by. I love you guys, but I'm not ready.

Future

This little bird can now fly, her leash has been cut! I could have cut my hospital tag earlier but it felt like an accomplishment, a sweet victory.

 I have not been awake more than two hour at a time today. Somehow, the exhaustion has finally caught up to me. It's been tricky because in order to sleep I have to be sitting up and I can't lean on anything against my head, it's too painful, so it becomes a riddle, a challenge to figure out how to get comfortable. Happily, today I've become so exhausted that I will just rest my face down on my chest and pass out. I need as much sleep as I can so that I can make it through tomorrow. I should be home sometime around 9:30 pm or so.

Of course I can't wait to see Dan, to be home and cuddle my kitty, but I'm also nervous. Dan will be working 60 hour weeks and I'll be managing myself. My parents have been cooking for me, helping bathe me, and taking care of all of my pills and such. I'm going to need to a system figured out for all the serious pills, eight times a day, reminding to eat, figuring out WHAT to eat, etc. I have a feeling I'll be eating a lot of apples :) Easy stuff.

I just ordered vocabulary flash cards and a math work book from Amazon, it should arrive early next week. I figure I can spend a couple of hours each day freshening my brain :) It sounds fun to me, I'm pretty excited. I know I'll spend most of the next month on the couch or in bed, and I don't want to be mentally bored.

We'll be looking into other treatment options soon, but after that I'm already excited to think about the future, maybe even consider taking more courses. Perhaps formal schooling of the Restricted Ketogenic Diet. Who knows!