Am I A Binger?

Aaaaaaaarrrgh. I'm a bad, bad girl. I think it has to do with my blood sugar levels. I'm going to blame it on that. This is my routine, I'm sure you've already heard it before, but here it goes: 4 days on high doses, twice a day. I wake up in the morning and fiddle around until I take my pills at about 8:30 - 9:00 am, then I wait three to four hours before I can eat. So....I can eat at around noon or 1:00 pm. Then, I stop eating at 4:00 pm and take the second dosing at 8:30 - 9:00 pm. That only leaves about three to four hours of time to eat. I get full so quickly that I can't even eat that much. I do that for four days then I have six days off. During the high doses I need to avoid my healthy smoothies and high antioxidant foods (they clean out free radicals which I need to help my herbs attach to the cancer cells). By day three I'm starving and craving everything from my delicious green drinks to sourdough, burritos, ice cream, wine, and artisan cheese. Ugh...my body just talks and talks to me telling me all the delicious foods that it needs, IT NEEDS, it says. On day 5, the first day I can eat normal foods, I crave eggs on toast, or a turkey sandwich (totally gross), or a burger (yuck). I crave crazy foods that I never normally eat...well, except for the eggs on toast - that's a special treat about once a month.

On Friday Danny and I ate Mexican, on Saturday I ate a lamb burger, yesterday I ate a burrito. What is wrong with me?!?! I can't seem to stop myself. Eek - am I binger?!? That's so embarrassing.

The first phase, after the October MRI, was so easy. I do well with consistency. It was easy to take my my pills each night. I could drink my green smoothies each morning, and make sure I was done eating at 4:00 pm. Each day was the same, very simple to implement. I like things that I don't have to think about, easy rules that always apply. This whole 4 days high dose, and 6 days off is very difficult to deal with. It probably sounds really easy, I mean, it sounds easy as I type it, but I promise you it is definitely not easy. I believe my blood sugar levels are fighting me. My body loves the green drinks, and for those four days it is tough to avoid them. I feel like my head is constantly spinning, always trying to figure out what I can have or what I need to avoid. It changes so much. On the 6 days off I'm supposed to eat high doses of special sprouts, maitake mushroom supplements, turmeric supplements, ginger drops, shark liver oil, and it's all so confusing. This protocol is, in my opinion, cutting edge. There are no distinct rules other than the whole antioxidant thing, and knowing when to stop eating so that pills will digest properly.

I need rules. Aaaaaaaaaah. AAAAAAAAAH.

I did manage to drink three different fresh pressed juices, full of veggies and fruits over the weekend. That should help counter act the bad food choices that I've made. Sometimes I feel completely crazy. This is one of those times. How can I cheat so badly with my food choices? I don't know. I understand that the bad food feeds little Hermie, but sometimes my body overrides my mind. I now can completely understand people in my position who just flat out don't want to change their lifestyle even though it may save their life. It's hard. It's so effing hard sometimes. When it's sunny outside, I want to walk over to Dukes with Danny and sit on the patio with a glass of white wine and a cheese burger. Or just the wine.

This morning, trying to completely jump start my digestion and apologize to my poor confused body, I made my most powerful smoothie yet. It's completely random, but it was surprisingly good! Be careful though, make sure you're hungry. The below list will make 2.5 tall glasses of goodness.

1 bushel of upland cress (roots removed)
1/2 bushel of cilantro
1 English cucumber (ends chopped off)
1 apple (core removed)
3 carrots (ends chopped off)
1 banana (peeled)
1 inch fresh ginger root (peeled)
1 inch diakon radish, skin and all

I'm sorry for complaining this entire post. It will not always be this hard. I truly believe it's my crazy fluctuating blood sugar level. That has to be it. Somehow it feels better to blame it on something.

Burnell Family Visit

Look who stopped by! You might remember Ty from my post a few weeks ago, and from a few posts at the beginning of this whole blog. His mother (I always called her Burnelli) is a close friend from Wenatchee. We commuted together from Wenatchee to Ellensburg for a year completing our teaching certificates. She's now teaching, and I of course am not. Look at her beautiful children! So adorable. Ty had a follow up appointment from his surgery. He is such a curious, hilarious, sweetheart, and his little sister, the animal lover, has a heart of gold and the most beautiful storybook curls. 

 

If there's anything that can put a smile on my face, it's my friends and their children. Children are so full of love, full of energy, and laughter. They're like adults on hyper drive and it's so much fun! I need a nap now, I'm not going to lie (I'm laughing out loud as I write this). Oh what fun! Sweet little angels just like their awesome parents. It's amazing how life connects you to people. I feel so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life!

What would we do without the connection to others. That is a scary and sad thought. That's what I think about sometimes in regard to other cancer fighters, or people in general. It's so important to have love and joy around you. I'm lucky because I've always been a talker. I'm really social and with that trait I've been able to meet all kinds of people, and make all sorts of amazing friends. I feel incredibly blessed, so fortunate to have such lovely and loving people that constantly lift me up. There are people that are more reserved though, more isolated and when faced with a difficult situation might be sad, or lonesome who don't have others supporting them. That's why it's so important to try your best to be kind to strangers, you absolutely never know what others are going through. People you pass by on the street, in line at the grocery store, on the bus, or anywhere else you go could have huge burdens - in fact, they probably do, everyone has their story. I'm not suggesting that you have to get into a full blown conversation with people, a simple smile, I think, would suffice. It can be that little of an effort. I know that when a person smiles at me, it feels good. I hope I'm not being too bossy, or preachy. I know I hate it when people do that. If I sound annoying, you can always ignore me :)

Anyway, here's my favorite thing of the day. Tyler gave Danny and I a branch. How cute is that! Sweet, sweet child. He wanted to know if it was going to grow, but I told him it's probably dormant. It is winter after all :)