It's nerve wracking to put myself out there with this new treatment. I kept worrying last night, what if it's a bust? But then, while we were laying in bed, I asked Danny to give me his mental illustration of the artemether as it gets digested. Of course he leant to a military analogy. He kept saying things like, "The artemether soldiers are marching through your intestines." And I asked, "Are they singing a marching song like the do in the movies?!?" It was fun to take the stress out of the situation. I'm lucky to have a man that will play along.
Today I have a break from the artemether, piperine and butyrate. Tomorrow, though, we double the dosage and take the pills twice. Instead of the 2-2-2 twice daily, it will be 4-4-4 twice daily. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I keep telling myself, "Why not believe that I can beat this. Why not believe that the artemether will work. Why not believe that I can change my destiny. Maybe ridding myself of this cancer IS my destiny!"
I want this protocol to work so badly, not just for me, but for all of my friends that I've met that also have brain cancer. I am in the perfect position to try new things. I have a supportive husband that never ceases to amaze me. I have a great family that helps me stay on track that researches all of the alternatives. I have friends that walk hand in hand with me, that keep me laughing, and smother me in hugs. I don't have the responsibility of children. I have the drive to stay on course. I want this to work so that I can be a guinea pig to help others change their destiny too. There is no reason why we can't beat this. Doctors don't even really know what causes brain cancer. They believe it could be a wide variety of things. If there are a wide variety of causes, then it's fair to reason that there could multiple cures. We just have to figure them out! And, if this artemether doesn't work, then that doesn't mean that other things won't.
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| Here's a fun photo from last night's dinner. It looks pretty boring, but it was surprising filling. Shown: Homemade spinach and jalapeno humus, raw broccoli (for dipping), and an everything but the kitchen sink salad (purple kale, arugala, spinach, green onions, garlic, tomato, avocado, fresh cracked pepper, squeezed lime, & extra virgin olive oil) |
Danny is such a sport. Often nights, dinner is a simple meal. Last night might have been the most simple meal in a long time. I think, maybe, I was trying to make up for the naughty martinis from Saturday night. Like I've always said, I have to be just a little bit bad or I get stir crazy. The little gremlin in me needs to be fed, then I can go on with strength and determination.
On another note, I have an amazing story of friendship and love. I have no idea how my life has been so magical. I am the luckiest girl. I have been surrounded with literally, living angles. Do you remember the piece of art that I made for my friend Meghan's philanthropy? It was called, "Hope." Anyway, last night, Meghan stopped by with a huge package, she had called earlier, asking for help. When she arrived, she started cutting open the package, and I just assumed she needed a bunch of cutting done for someone's Christmas present or something. Nope. She needed me to sign a few things....
Meghan bought my piece of art at the WPIG Pigture Perfect Art Auction so that she would have the rights. She then came up with the idea to contact a bunch of my girlfriends (shown below in the row boat), to chip in to start a site on Etsy.com to fundraise. It's called Hope For Jess and it's prints of my piece of art. How cool is that!?!
The girls paid for all of the prints (there are regular prints and canvas prints). Megs said that the prices are a bit dear, but that's okay. If they don't sell, maybe they can put them on sale :)
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| Girls Weekend 2011 Top: Libbey, Lauren, Kristin, Jenny, Michelle, Laura Bottom: Jessaca, Meghan, Julia, Me Not Shown: Jessica (Abu Dhabi) & Courtney |
I am still, so blown away. This is exactly why I should be doing this protocol, and whatever protocol may come my way in the future until we figure this out. It is imperative that someone like me work as a guinea pig so that others that don't have the energy or time, or resources, can get well. I constantly feel love and support, and I am just so grateful for all of the friendship and generosity. I feel like we're all working together as some sort of badass team, working for the greater good. Maybe that's a lofty attitude, but it's just how I feel.
On a final note, I am happy to share that three years ago to the day, Danny and I had our first date. It was the most magical night of my life. At one point, he insisted that he carry me like we were going over a threshold, all because it was snowing and I was wearing heels. It was perfect in every way, and it makes me cry with big fat tears of joy that we came together. He makes me happy from morning to night. Even when we're cranky there's always laughter. If you've never met him, I'm sure you can tell how amazing he is from the stories on the blog. He has never wavered in his support or love. He found me sexy even while bald with 52 bloody staples across my head. He shuttled me on two hour drives in each direction to doctor appointments, to rehabilitation appointments, his dedication never wavered. When we didn't know if I'd read again, or get back to running and living my life, when I could only use one syllable words, and we didn't know if I would ever have enough energy to truly LIVE, he was happy just cuddling on the couch, or resting silently. I know that he is my soulmate, that I am the best person I can be because he supports all that is good. A partner like Danny is a miracle to come by, and I think about that every day. When I'm stressed, I just picture his face and it soothes me. He is a main reason why I have the will and desire to strive for perfect health. I know it will be an ongoing journey for the rest of my life, but with Danny by my side I know I can do it! Cheers to Danny, my love.
