I took today off of my IV treatments. It's just so much money, and it exhausts me. So, instead, I started doing laundry, and fiddled around the house. I even went for a jog along green lake, stopping at a bench to rest and enjoy the outdoors. That's a first. Usually, I run from doorstep to doorstep. I always enjoy the view, but I never take the time to just sit. Just breathe. Just live.
I've been wondering lately, if maybe I'm in denial. Although I do a crazy amount of research, take a lot of pills, and focus so much on treating myself, I have to admit that in my heart of hearts I don't feel sick. I feel alive, and believe that my exhaustion is due to my treatments, not from my innate body.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm already cured. Is that weird? Is there a way that I'm supposed to handle a situation like this? How do you handle a silent monster growing in your brain?
