The flickering of the big screens all over on the walls at the venue, the loud music and voices, combined with that heat, I felt an aura coming on and made a beeline for the exit. Thankfully Christel & Erin both knew what to do. Within moments I had pills under my tongue, enough ice water to service an international flight, and I was feeling better. We stopped the seizure from progressing, but I was down for the count. My arm eventually started gaining some sensation, but I was walking like a drunken sailor, and felt incredibly weak. Boy do seizures suck. I live in a world where even the most fundamental event of a comedy show can put me into a seizure tailspin. I still don't know how to protect myself completely, from seizures, unless I just stay home all the time.
Now I'm ruined for the day. I have a seizure hangover. My brain feels fried. I'm hazy, and lethargic. Living this life of moderation, limits, structure, analyzation, concern, always trying to keep healthy, keep the tumor at bay, and limit the liability of seizures, has radically changed my daily life, my social life, my career life.
My brain feels swollen. I can feel the thump thump of blood flow. My eyes are droopy, but I can't sleep.
I realize I should just be resting and not blogging, but I felt like I needed to vent my disappointment and frustration. To not have control over my mind and body is probably the hardest part of my life. It reminds me that I sometimes don't have power - even over the most basic things. I feel disconnected, unable to predict or dictate bodily and mental functions.
I'm going to try and take the weekend off and rest. We'll see how that goes. For now, I replenish antioxidants, phytocmenics, minerals, vitamins, nutrients, and of course my favorite, healthy fats.