Mo For Me?!?

I don't know how to write this blog. I've started and deleted the whole thing about three times already. I guess I'm just at a loss for words. I'm embarrassed but grateful at the same time. It's confusing and hard to sort out. I guess I'll just start from the beginning.

I received an email a few days ago from my good friend AJ. It was an email to a billion of her friends:

Hey guys, 

Matt is participating in Movember this year, although doing it a little differently. He will be growing a nice and bushy stash per usual, but he will be raising money to help out the medical expenses of our dear friend Jessica Oldwyn who is battling brain cancer. To learn more about her brave and courageous story check out her blog: 

www.jessicaoldwyn.blogspot.com

and to monitor Matt's stash growth and to learn how to donate check out his blog: 
www.moforjess.blogspot.com

Please donate!! We thank you for your support! 
AJ and Matt

Of course, as I read it I turned bright red, and thought to myself, "Those little BUGGERS!" They didn't even ask me. Then I realized, of course they didn't, I would have said, "no." :) I don't want anyone to be put out, and I'm already grateful for all of the support emotionally and physically that people give. I'm overwhelmed. It's true AJ & Matt fashion, always thinking of others. They are a force to be reckoned with, changing the world one massive effort at a time. Thank you AJ, for helping spread the word, and Matt growing your lovable facial hair. I am incredibly grateful that you chose to help me in this way.

Matt and AJ have been wonderful friends to both Danny and I. We grew up with Matt, shared a billion laughs and memories, and from the moment I met AJ, I was completely in love. They are both possibly the most generous people I've ever met. When the Haitian earthquake hit, AJ and Matt threw a huge fundraiser in their city of Montreal. From the moment I met each of them, they've lent support, love, laughter, and kindness. They're wonderful.

Not only are they a mainstay in my life, they also are responsible for Danny and I coming together. When Matt and AJ were leaving Seattle and moving to Montreal, they threw a going away party. I remember specifically at one point in the night, I looked over and saw Danny come toward me, precariously carrying three drinks at once (he swore they weren't all for him). I noticed how handsome, how tall and strong he was. I looked into his eyes and thought, "Wow! Danny's looking goooood." He asked for my number that night. A few months later, on our first date, he told me that when he first saw me at Matt and AJ's going away party, he was walking through a doorway carrying three drinks. He said he almost tripped and his heart skipped a beat. He thought, "Woah. Jessie Oldwyn sure has grown up." How cute is that! In the same moment, we were in awe of each other and it's been the same way ever since. I still think he is the most handsome man on Earth. And as you all know, the kindness man on top of that.

Here are some fun photos I dug up to share:

The first time I met AJ. We were all playing home run derby, obviously not taking it as seriously as the boys. 

The going away party. AJ and I were on a hunt for a lost alpaca. The tuques on our heads were to represent her homeland, the great white Canada.

You'd think I'd be crying since she was leaving. Good thing she doesn't appear to be offended :)

The only picture I have with Matt that night is when I stole a bite of his lamb burger. Oops.

Someone told us to look fierce. Done.

Nate (Matt's bro), Matt, Dan & Dallas at Matt and AJ's wedding.

Danny and I at Matt & AJ's Wedding

My brother, Matt, Me, AJ & Larry visiting in Friday Harbor this summer. 

I am very embarrassed to imply that I want people to donate. I am only sharing the information because AJ asked me to. Please check out the blog just to watch Matt's mustache grow, and laugh. He's hilarious, and it will be a wonderful distraction!

www.moforjess.com

What an honor. I've never had anyone grow a mustache for me! So cool.

The Time Will Come

I'm grateful for so much each day. Things pop in my head, and then I start smiling. It can be as simple as, "My house is so rad. It's full of daylight even when it's rainy outside!" Lately, though, I've been going for the big ticket items. My mind has been full of happiness thinking about how wonderful it is that I haven't had a seizure since August 5th (the day before my birthday - I was probably just too excited!). I haven't taken anti-seizure medicine since September 27th. And, biggest of all, as Danny and I were running errands today, I realized that I could have just finished last week as my first week of radiation, but instead, I'm happy and healthy and trying to kill this brain tumor with alternative means. I realize that I might have to do radiation (eventually - if there is no other option, and it starts completely growing like an even nastier weed), but right now I'm enjoying the ability to take this into my own hands.

Yesterday, my parents, Danny and I met with the other brain tumor fighter that has been taking the artemisinin. We met with her and her husband and we shared notes. We talked all about the different protocols, the different research out there, and we reviewed both of our pathology reports and all of our MRIs. It was fantastic and incredibly inspiring. Our friends have managed to completely shrink her brain tumor through alternative means. It's unbelievable. Although we had never met, there had been email after email for the past year or so. We combined heads and together, I feel like we can conquer this.

At first I was very concerned because there are so many different types of stage 2 astrocytomas (which we both share), I wasn't sure if we were matching apples to apples. But after sharing our pathology reports, our friend has the same type, along with the "negative for loss codeletion of chromosomes 1p/q 19p/q (can't remember off the top of my head which one has which letter). Anyway, my point is that I have those two chromosomes, as does my friend, which means that our tumors are more aggressive and signify a shorter lifespan. Anyway, after watching her scans, and seeing her brain tumor shrink and shrink, scan after scan, I knew that things were looking up!

Maybe surviving a brain tumor isn't just about luck, or fate, or genetics. Maybe, just as I was hoping all along, it might be treatable or even curable by using healthy choices, and by following herbal research. There just might be a way to treat a brain tumor with diet and supplements. Sometimes the supplements are in massive doses, but who cares! It could slow, halt, or kill the tumor. Wow. This is so big. I just have to keep positive about this process. I'm taking the safe side, unlike my friend who took some pretty substantial amounts (with no serious side effects), but I figure I can still up the ante at my next MRI if things aren't up to my liking.

I'm just so grateful to have this opportunity to squish this with healthy means. I'm forever indebted to our dear friends.

It is going to be so hard to wait for my next MRI in January. I want to start seeing results now! I keep telling my overzealous soul, "Patience little friend, there is no rush. Enjoy each moment, each day, each kiss, each hug, each laugh, each smile, each apple, each salad, each green smoothie, each new smell. The time will come." Each time I have to tell myself that little mantra, my core warms, my cheeks get rosy, I start smiling, and I feel lighter than air. It's the best. It's my favorite problem to have :)

Truly, how wonderful is it that I am not headed for week two of radiation in the morning. HOW WONDERFUL!!! ! ! I know my oncologist probably thinks I'm stupid, but I don't care. This is my body and my life. I will not give up on it, or take the easy, less effective solution. I will fight, I will laugh, I will live, I will not give up.