Just woke before myidmight pills, just 15 minutes early. I was crying, screaming silently, trapped in a treatment facility trying to beat this tumor. The lights were out, it was dark. People with shots and venoms and poisons lurched at me, ignoring my pleas, unable to comprehend my language, my gibberish. I screed for Dan, for mom, no one could reach me. They could hear me but it was too dark, to hard to find me, I was strapped down.
Dan flew home tonight, mom and dad are here to see me thru Friday until I can come home. I'm healing but I think there are deep fears lingering. I wish it wasn't the case. I fitfully chase sleep, and I know I need the reprieve, but even with the best intentions and hope from this process, I cannot ignore the trama my body has endured.
Ill try again, swollow more drugs, visualize fat faced kitties and furry puppies, and if all fails and nightmares prevail, I will try again because although terrifying, a good cry can heal.
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 27, 2012
Great, Pretty Great, and New Plan
ok. Patho,ogy. Still low grade. YESSSSS! howevery, the tumor is not with9n the density poerameters, therefore i will not ne able to get the personalized vaccine. RATS! So, now we email Dr Laiu and see if we can have my tumor tissue and take it to Germany or somethimg ajnd pay for the dendritic cell therapy out of poctet. The clinical trial has litt.e rules and if we go to germany they can give me more vaccine and stuff. its compicated, somthimg ive been researtching for about 7 months. i was obviously hopinjg the clinical trial would get it done, but we have more options. i will not give up, there is no where i wont go, thravel, exhaust optiojs. just another bump in the road. we just found out last night and it was a lot to process, but like usualy, we sort it out, talk it out, and get back on track. didn't sleep last two nights, about total of 4 houjrs.
this jojurney is wild, just when you think ypu have a plan 9t changes :) its practically hilarious, you just kee0 planning, keep learning, never stay stagnant, nevver give up, not be afraid taking chances. ASo at this point herman is TOAST. We know that the tumor always grows and there is seme invisable tumour, but we just restarted my clock! i hope it works to go to germany and do the dendritic cell therpy, focus on diet (only proven diet to combat brain cancer is ketogenic, or less severe is paliolithic - low carb, low sugar). If i keep my supplememts going, really target them so i dint get so exhsustive of so mapy pils, excercise and i will be GOLDEN!
Dr Liau was very disappointed that i dint get the vaccine, but also happy that my tumor is not worse :) we want the lowest grade, least density, least invasive, and things as\re looking SWEEEEET!! We have so many things to be happy for, im so incredibly grateful!!! i do wish we were getting the vaccine, it was the icing on the cake, but no deal worry about it, its done. on to the next. things always cange, cant really hope for definite thiings you dont really know what;s best. does that make sense? back to our never ending battle. i was pretty tired last nignt, a litt;e down becaise the clinical trail wasnlt happened for me. i just wanted thing to be easier. but know im giong to take this advantage to explore germanys clinics, the wor,d, review again all the cool treaments, and accept that my path is in credible and very fortunate. this journey keeps giving more froends, new surprises, amazing opprotunities. no complaints, seriously! thank you again for all of the love and friends. i am so much better than if ihad never had this challenge. youi guys make me a better person.
ps not to brag or anything, but i can hold a glass and drink from my right hand!!! not always, and a few mistakes, but seriously, killing it, and using a fork. definitley NOT laduy like, kinda like ogre or cavewoman, hilarious, but exciting! when recovering there is no point too proud - just celebrate.
this jojurney is wild, just when you think ypu have a plan 9t changes :) its practically hilarious, you just kee0 planning, keep learning, never stay stagnant, nevver give up, not be afraid taking chances. ASo at this point herman is TOAST. We know that the tumor always grows and there is seme invisable tumour, but we just restarted my clock! i hope it works to go to germany and do the dendritic cell therpy, focus on diet (only proven diet to combat brain cancer is ketogenic, or less severe is paliolithic - low carb, low sugar). If i keep my supplememts going, really target them so i dint get so exhsustive of so mapy pils, excercise and i will be GOLDEN!
Dr Liau was very disappointed that i dint get the vaccine, but also happy that my tumor is not worse :) we want the lowest grade, least density, least invasive, and things as\re looking SWEEEEET!! We have so many things to be happy for, im so incredibly grateful!!! i do wish we were getting the vaccine, it was the icing on the cake, but no deal worry about it, its done. on to the next. things always cange, cant really hope for definite thiings you dont really know what;s best. does that make sense? back to our never ending battle. i was pretty tired last nignt, a litt;e down becaise the clinical trail wasnlt happened for me. i just wanted thing to be easier. but know im giong to take this advantage to explore germanys clinics, the wor,d, review again all the cool treaments, and accept that my path is in credible and very fortunate. this journey keeps giving more froends, new surprises, amazing opprotunities. no complaints, seriously! thank you again for all of the love and friends. i am so much better than if ihad never had this challenge. youi guys make me a better person.
 |
| Serious Cavewoman! Look out |
ps not to brag or anything, but i can hold a glass and drink from my right hand!!! not always, and a few mistakes, but seriously, killing it, and using a fork. definitley NOT laduy like, kinda like ogre or cavewoman, hilarious, but exciting! when recovering there is no point too proud - just celebrate.
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