Scalpel, Skin, Saw, Skull

I've been mentally running around like a crazy person trying to plan this trip to UCLA. I have six different appointments already scheduled. I just got off the phone a little bit ago where the gentleman said that they won't schedule my post surgery pathology appointment because they will need to review the results and decide if they're going to recommend further treatment, like chemotherapy or radiation. Once they have their recommendation (hopefully NOTHING), they will decide if I need an appointment with Dr Liau or a specialist. Fingers crossed for just Dr Liau! Of course, I can always opt out of those treatments, but it's still a scary concept to acknowledge that the DNA of my tumor could have morphed into a higher grade. That's a very scary thought, one that only swims around the periphery of my mind, a possibility but not my current reality. It's important for me to not get caught up in the "what ifs." And anyway, I feel great! So there.

Can you believe I'm doing another brain surgery? It's almost exactly 2.5 years after the first one. That seems very quick, and yet, an entire lifetime. They're going to cut through my beautiful, unknowing, innocent little skull. They will use scalpels, a saw, and other tools. They will peal back my skin, pull off a portion of my skull. They will cut small nerves. They will dig around, separating the brain tissue and tumor. They will do all kinds of things, moving and removing things in the most intimate part of my body. They will be working on the area where my most inner thoughts and feelings, my genius and my ignorance are dancing. I speak of a brain surgery the way that most people discuss their grocery list, but here I am, getting quite serious. I guess it's time. After the last brain surgery, I never wanted to have to do another one ever again - and yet here I am CHOOSING do it. Crazy stuff.

I feel better than I have even from before the surgery, before the diagnosis. I hope that I don't have a major regression from the surgery, any type of set back - like death, or blood clot like last time - because I'm feeling fantastic, incredibly healthy, superhuman even :) I'm just so grateful for this opportunity, yet afraid as well. I mean, seriously, they're venturing into my brain. Yes. It's a big deal. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Gotta take risks in life in order to have success, and I do believe that this is an educated risk that very well might be the biggest success of my life. Why not believe that I can beat this? Why not believe that we can beat anything?

One of my favorite trees along Green Lake. I'm soaking up all of the beauty around the neighborhood, storing the images in my memory bank to fill me up while I'm gone in LA.

I love the flower memorial that has been continuously updated since they chopped down this sick tree along the lake. However, I'm quite confused because they're killing flowers in the process to recognize the death of the tree, doesn't that seem hilariously ironic?

Post NYC Report

My college roommate Jess. It had been 10 years!! So much has changed, yet she's still the sweet, sassy girl that I have so many incredible memories with. Aaaah, the ridiculousness of college. We shared a lifetime of laughter :)

Mom getting the hang of things

The appointment went incredibly well. I highly respect Dr NYC. He seems to be the perfect fit. He reviewed my entire case, and was able to recommend a few more supplements (printing out research proving the effectiveness against gliomas/astrocytomas). I shared my plan with Dr NYC, and we discussed pros and cons of my options. Ultimately, we mutually decided that the best course of action is for me to do the clinical trial, and continue on all of my supplements. Dr NYC and I will be in contact, and I will end up heading to see him again after the brain surgery, once I am healthy enough to travel.

After my appointment with Dr NYC, I immediately emailed Dr Liau to see if we could schedule the brain surgery. She responded within a couple of hours, and I now have the surgery on the books. My brain surgery will happen on October 18th, at UCLA. I'll need to travel little over a week in advance in order to complete all of the necessary testing, and I'll need to stay in LA for two weeks after the brain surgery to make sure that I'm healthy enough to travel. All-in-all it looks like I will be in Los Angeles for a month. Thank you to everyone who helped with the cherry fundraiser, for all of the donations, and the Crystal Seas Kayaking fundraiser. The money is going to be incredibly helpful! We're looking for a rental in LA close to UCLA so that my parents can stay there, then I can recover for a few weeks. Dan will be flying in every weekend to be with me....eeek....this is really happening!!!

As a final note, the most influential statement from Dr NYC was that he recommended the clinical trial since the results are so remarkable. He says that there's a chance that if I do the clinical trial, I may never need any further treatment ever again. It's not probable, but it's possible! The trial is still pending, and we won't know the results for years, but that's the point, patients are exponentially outlasting their "termination dates" - my words not his. There is a very good chance that even if it doesn't cure me, I wouldn't need treatment for years, and years, and years. This could be HUGE.

I'm terrified, and excited, and exhaaaaausted. So I think I will go nap. Love to you all! And thank you for always supporting me. Life changes so quickly around these parts, but one constant is the love from my friends, and my family. Thank you.