Perfecting The "Innocent" Look

It has been a few eventful days. Danny has been conducting routine minor surgeries on my scabs...here's some disgusting photos....pretty mean of me to push these in your face, but I guess I might even delight in sharing them since I have to look them all day...you can curse me if you want. The surprising thing about the scabs is that they're really looking better. Still revolting.

I've been trying to keep my chin up, but this hairdo is less than ideal. I was oblivious to the fact that it will take forever for my hair to grow (relatively speaking). I do love the get-up-and-go part. I used to take 30 minutes blow drying my hair after a shower and now I just towel off my head. It's weird to see how dark my hair is though, I was born blond and now I'm dark chocolate. Weird. In fact, I have PROOF of my blond hair....

For record, I didn't eat that WHOLE bucket full of blackberries, some did land on my clothes. I think Kaal was panicked that I was heading over for his bucket. My brother is perfectly clean and I was always a mess. My teachers can now see that I had been perfecting that "innocent" look from an early start, but the proof is in the pudding, or in the lack of blackberries.

Alright. I just finished my breakfast. Each day I make a smoothie, well it's actually for both Danny and I. It consists of:

3 cups fresh spinach
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1 banana
2 tablespoons of Knox gelatin
water & ice to taste

If anyone has any suggestions for other healthy ingredients let me know. I'll eat anything that's healthy. I'd like to pack the most nutrients in the least amount of calories (I save the calories for red licorice). I already take flax seed, fish oil, spirulina, super-b complex and a multivitamin. Let me know if I'm missing something!

Off to the gym. For the record, this post is like my mind, all over the place. Sorry for the lack of cohesion.

I Can't Explain Myself to Myself

I'm frustrated. I can't express myself. I was humming along just fine before brain surgeries and now I'm easily frustrated. I can't handle changes very well. I need structure or I lose it. I'm mad at myself because I don't like the person in my head. I feel like my brain has been taken over by someone else. Before the surgeries, before this huge change in my life, I used to adjust my personality when I didn't like my behavior. I always told myself, if you don't like it, change it. But now, it's not so easy. I'm not rational. I'm quick to tear up. My blood pressures rises quickly. I don't recognize my emotions. I'm exhausted trying to figure out what's going on in my life and in my head.

I tried to make a new schedule, an easier schedule one that's more basic and THAT still overwhelmed me. I need the same routine, but life is impossible to schedule. I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man panicking about Kmart underwear, without the amazing math abilities.

The worst part is that I can't expect other people to understand me because I can't explain myself to myself.