Heaven In A Tub

Today I was trying to take a nap and I was thinking about how much I love red licorice. I might even go as far to say that red licorice is the best candy ever invented (not to be confused with Twizzlers). I am aware that this post is probably a little disturbing, and that no one should be that excited about a candy, but something so chewy and delicious should be celebrated. 

For weeks after brain surgery my skull has been crackling like Rice Crispies (when you pour milk on them). It's intermediate, so I can't complain too much, but when it starts up suddenly the sound will make you lose your mind. It is the craziest, creepiest, most irritating sound. Apparently, it's completely a normal sound to hear, but it's still unsettling. At first when I didn't know what was happening I thought that my skull was clasping. The crackling has gotten loads better, but at first it was all the time and I would even wake up from a deep sleep to the crackling. It was from weird movements or bending over to tie my shoes, or sometimes I wasn't even moving it was just air bubbles in my head (my brother is going to have a field day with this one). Just the thought of the crackling and I would feel nauseous (I'm a complete wimp when it comes to the idea of my skull, the surgery, the metal plates and screws and the whole fact that they cut open my brain in general - I guess I'm grossed out and yet I think it's the coolest thing in the world. Kind of like witnessing a car accident.) Anyway, the red licorice is the perfect combination of chewy and soft. Sometimes at 2:00 am I even would walk all the way into the kitchen for some chewy red they heaven they call licorice. Sometimes it's the only thing that can quiet the sounds in my head (and my jaws were cut for surgery so they could open the head larger). I tried gummy bears but it they were too chewy. I tried jellybeans but I ate them too quickly, and gum wasn't soft enough. I tried candy after candy all in the name of medical research I am confident that red licorice is the best candy for brain surgery. It helps the crackling and it seems to help to my jaw strength, and it's so soft and chewy, I'm telling you it's heaven in a tub. Unfortunately, I have recently been getting dirty looks from my thighs but I'm getting a lot better at shrugging them off. I just don't care about silly stuff like thunder-thighs. That's what summer dresses are for.

Home

I'm home! My first night back home in Wenatchee! Danny I went out to my parent's house for dinner, and we visited a couple of hours. I hadn't seen them in eight days. That's practically unheard since I normally work with my parents very day. I don't know how got so lucky with the parent lottery, but I serious the luckiest girl the world. Dad just keeps giving hugs, he said he can't stop giving me hugs because he's so happy to have me alive, and mom just give me sparkly look and smiles non-stop. I put  fear in them through his ordeal, now that we can rest better I'm glad. My poor parents have really gone through the ringer! And they worried about the middle school years!

It's beautiful morning and Danny was abducted by my dad a about an hour ago with his buddies Rich and Ron go golfing. Danny was little nervous because he's pretty new at golf and he didn't want to hold back the guys, but it think they're going to have a blast! Pretty sweet guys to get him out of the house. I worry a about Doctor Dan because I have be exhausting and monotonous. Although, if he feel that way he doesn't show it though. I actually had to have a talk to Danny and apologize yesterday. He didn't even want me to apologize, he said I shouldn't even worry about it - but the truth is that I worry about my character. According to speech therapist, I don't have filters and I'm blunt. I don't like that. I don't want be too blunt. I want to be cognizant of people's feelings. I had no idea that I was so direct. Before this tumor I've always thought about who I want to be, how I want to treat people, and what character traits I want to emulate, and harsh isn't what I'm going for. Just a few more things to concentrate on. I know that I'm in charge of who I want to be, now that I can recognize what I don't like, I can change it.

Now some good new. I have FINALLY cut back my pills down two seizure pills twice daily and that will be for two month, and then I have the rest of my pain killers that I am weaning off. Yay! It is the far cry from 2-8 pills every two hours. Needless to say that completely wrecked any possibility of decent sleep. That's behind me now though!! Things keep getting better and better!

I still can't believe the surgery, most of medication, most of the pain, and fear are most behind me. This really wasn't that bad. I have to convince myself to take this whole thing seriously. It just doesn't seem that bad. The scar gnarly and that pretty undeniable, but I'm feel better every single day.

I'm not going to give up. Thank you all of the comments. Sometimes when I hear big new (like the speech therapist) it can hit me pretty hard they doubt my success. I don't know what to expect, I guess know one does, but I feel in heart that I'm going to be back myself. I'm not quite there, I'm usually funnier. I soon.