Seizures are down; I'm doing good. The other day, you might notice, I created a new box in the upper right hand corner of the blog. It tracks my progress avoiding attacks (seizure attacks, not maintenance man attacks - ha!). As Dan would say, I always have to have a competition. I love to see if I can break my own records. It's really just a mind game, a distraction. And, when you break your records, you have something to celebrate. :)
I'm disappointed that I had those two seizures on Monday; am I ever going to be free? It's really not that big of a deal, the tumor is obviously the main issue, but man, wouldn't it be nice to not have to worry about having a seizure? I hate it when I can't control my body, or my mind. And it's more than hating the loss of control, it's literally terrifying. You don't know where the energy of your mind is escaping to, but you can't access it. And seizures aren't harmless. Not only can and do they damage your brain, I also know brain cancer fighters who have died from their seizures. Whatever the hell they are, they're nothing to mess with. Like the power of the ocean, it's important remain reverent.
I have a healthy respect for seizures, but I won't live in fear, so last night Dan and I went out with friends to the Women's Philanthropic Investment Group Art Auction. You may have heard me mention it before; I donate a piece of art every year. This year supported YouthCare, to help homeless teens. I wasn't that familiar with the organization before, but by the end of the night I was really impressed. The founding story, and what they do is absolutely amazing. It didn't hurt that it required me to get dressed up and out of the house to see bunches of our friends, but it was also exhausting, and I'm afraid I picked up a bug from the crowd. My throat hurts like nobody's business. Dang it.
In general, I feel like I'm getting better and better about bouncing back from seizures, and because of my trip with First Descents, I take calculated risks so that I am out living life. I may even say that I might be getting the hang of this tumor/seizure life. Knock on wood! I feel like I probably just jinxed myself. I hope not.
I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but the final MRI results, which is UCLA's review, will be available on this Friday. Fingers crossed they agree that the tumor is stable. Truthfully, I panicked when I read UW's radiology report where they measured my tumor area at 4.1 x 1.2 centemeters. I never want them to measure anything. It's just like how you never want a doctor to call you back quickly after going in for general testing.