Lymphoma or No Lymphoma

Sorry for the delay. Tuesday we received the results of the CT scan. No large, hidden mass, however, the doctor saw concerning things in my thyroid. She said things like, "Well, maybe what's going on here is thyroid cancer that has metastasized to the lymph nodes. You need an ultra sound."  So we waited a few hours, and snuck in for an  ultrasound. Since then we were awaiting results. 

Yesterday evening, we got a call saying the nodules in my thyroid seem within the normal scope of a woman. Apparently, us women have extra lumpy thyroids.

So where does that leave us? My lymph system is still under the impression that my body is under attack. My doctor keeps bringing up a type of lymphoma, but it's slow growing, and most of the time, it's just monitored. 

Could I find out for sure, if I do have lymphoma? Yep. But, they would need to remove one of the lymph nodes to run it through tests. Thing is, I don't have it in me right now. I can't handle more pain, more needles, and cutting. Right now, I need rest. I need a break, with laughter, and naps, and distractions, and air, with exercise, and a routine. I need to detox, and breathe, go for walks, and meditate. 

I can't handle the possibility of further health problems, and I don't really believe that's what we're dealing with. I just had a fourth brain surgery. My body, from head to toe, my subconscious and mind, even my poor spirit, they have been thru the gauntlet. 

I'm still clawing my way back to normalcy, and it makes sense that my lymph system is completely out of whack.

If I start panicking, if it's too stressful to watch and wait, I'll schedule the procedure to remove one of those enlarged nodes. For now, I need to chill, and give my body some extra love. This could have gone very differently, and I am so freaking relieved! No big old tumors, yay! If I am living with a little lymphoma, so what (which probably isn't the case anyway). I'm living healthy, and happy. And, for right now that's good enough for me.

Now I can schedule my brain MRI. (Never a dull moment.)

Oh, and to clarify, the possible lymphoma, would not be related to the glioma. Also, my doctor is comfortable waiting 3 months before I have to remove a node.

So, in a nutshell, we're going to triage and we'll deal with the current status of my brain tumor, which will help me make decisions regarding treatment. Lymphs are on the back burner, but I'll keep exercising them, and hopefully all that crazy stuff will work itself out. 

Thank you for the love and support - when things get crazy, and I don't know what to do, or what is going on in my body, you guys aways lift me up, and say the nicest things. I appreciate you all so very much! Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to face these obstacles that constantly keep popping up, then I remember I'm not in this alone. So thank you!

I don't have time for health problems, this house won't paint itself!

Lymph Nodes in Full Attack

Remember that enlarged lymph node I mentioned last post? That anomaly? Well, we've been monitoring, and I've remained anxious, unsettled. Then, Monday, my GP found a second enlarged lymph node in my lower neck/chest area. Friday I was referred to an ENT (ear, neck, and throat) oncologist/surgeon, and she found a bunch more. A LOT more.

As the doc prodded, she discussed my medical history, we talked about my recent brain surgery, and how that might effect my lymph system. She also discussed lymphoma, and requested a CT scan to rule out a large tumor that could be hiding in my chest cavity.

So that's where we're at. I have a CT scan Tuesday. I'm not sure when I'll have results, but Dr said probably this week.

I'm still willing it to be some sort of wild reaction to the past three months. Maybe this fourth brain surgery kicked up some proverbial cancer dust and now I need my lymphatic system to clean out the pipes and take it away. I mean, that's what the lymph system does anyway, takes away the cellular debris, remove toxins, etc.

I'm confused, and scared, but hopeful, and curious. I'm a lot of things. 

If you have any extra, please send prayers/positive energy/anything. I'm trying not over analyze, trying not to panic, but dang if I'm not over-ripe dealing with medical stuff. I am overdue with my MRI as well, and UCLA is expecting me to start radiation and chemo this month (I haven't consented or said no). 

I'm so happy to be here, but as I've been recovering, something like this completely throws things out of balance, when I'm barely getting by sea legs anyway. 

Life is being lived minute by minute, experience by experience, breath by breath. I know that sounds melodramatic, but everything is so up in the air.

One thing is for sure, I'm not ready for ready for a full system shutdown.

Sometimes it's hard to find joy,
and that is why it's awesome to have friends with puppies. :)

Seven Years Already?

Yesterday was two months post surgery, a whopping sixty days. How is that possible? It feels like forever.

Major accomplishments include tying my shoes, putting earrings on (first time took 45 min, but I didn't give up), and most recently learning how to use scissor - that was two days ago. Still trying to master singing the alphabet, and handwritten word, among other triumphs.

I am stubborn, and continue to feed myself, and have dabbled with some makeup incidents. Needless to say, we had to get a new stain remover - we temporary brought in the big guns - for our carpet, all my clothes, and the wall. Oops.

I'm exhausted every day, but that makes sense, I'm recovering from brain surgery. (Even when I say it in my head, it doesn't seem real.) 

I stopped getting on to social media weeks ago (but am planning on posting this). I'm horrible about texting, emailing, and all forms of communication. I just don't have the energy. I really appreciate your understanding. 

On a side note for brain surgery friends, have you ever had a lymph node in the neck swell up after your craniotomy? We've been tracking one for over a month. It's hard, and not painful. It's about the size of a peach bit. My surgeon says that if it doesn't go away, or if it gets bigger, I need to get it checked out. Boo. I've never had this happen. I'm hoping it's a random immune response, but it is also scary. 

With all this stuff going on, trying to recover, and monitoring that blob in my neck. I'm just focusing on baby steps. And breathing. And books on tape. And not gripping my fork like Encino Man. 

Fun Fact: Today 7 years ago, I had my first brain tumor resection! (And now I'm four deep!)

I really look forward to feeling capable of daily life. And writing my own name. For now, I think I'll go take a little nap.

Another favorite milestone was when Dan cut my hair for me last week.
He even added in some layers. Ha!