Lymph Nodes in Full Attack

Remember that enlarged lymph node I mentioned last post? That anomaly? Well, we've been monitoring, and I've remained anxious, unsettled. Then, Monday, my GP found a second enlarged lymph node in my lower neck/chest area. Friday I was referred to an ENT (ear, neck, and throat) oncologist/surgeon, and she found a bunch more. A LOT more.

As the doc prodded, she discussed my medical history, we talked about my recent brain surgery, and how that might effect my lymph system. She also discussed lymphoma, and requested a CT scan to rule out a large tumor that could be hiding in my chest cavity.

So that's where we're at. I have a CT scan Tuesday. I'm not sure when I'll have results, but Dr said probably this week.

I'm still willing it to be some sort of wild reaction to the past three months. Maybe this fourth brain surgery kicked up some proverbial cancer dust and now I need my lymphatic system to clean out the pipes and take it away. I mean, that's what the lymph system does anyway, takes away the cellular debris, remove toxins, etc.

I'm confused, and scared, but hopeful, and curious. I'm a lot of things. 

If you have any extra, please send prayers/positive energy/anything. I'm trying not over analyze, trying not to panic, but dang if I'm not over-ripe dealing with medical stuff. I am overdue with my MRI as well, and UCLA is expecting me to start radiation and chemo this month (I haven't consented or said no). 

I'm so happy to be here, but as I've been recovering, something like this completely throws things out of balance, when I'm barely getting by sea legs anyway. 

Life is being lived minute by minute, experience by experience, breath by breath. I know that sounds melodramatic, but everything is so up in the air.

One thing is for sure, I'm not ready for ready for a full system shutdown.

Sometimes it's hard to find joy,
and that is why it's awesome to have friends with puppies. :)