Lymph Nodes in Full Attack

Remember that enlarged lymph node I mentioned last post? That anomaly? Well, we've been monitoring, and I've remained anxious, unsettled. Then, Monday, my GP found a second enlarged lymph node in my lower neck/chest area. Friday I was referred to an ENT (ear, neck, and throat) oncologist/surgeon, and she found a bunch more. A LOT more.

As the doc prodded, she discussed my medical history, we talked about my recent brain surgery, and how that might effect my lymph system. She also discussed lymphoma, and requested a CT scan to rule out a large tumor that could be hiding in my chest cavity.

So that's where we're at. I have a CT scan Tuesday. I'm not sure when I'll have results, but Dr said probably this week.

I'm still willing it to be some sort of wild reaction to the past three months. Maybe this fourth brain surgery kicked up some proverbial cancer dust and now I need my lymphatic system to clean out the pipes and take it away. I mean, that's what the lymph system does anyway, takes away the cellular debris, remove toxins, etc.

I'm confused, and scared, but hopeful, and curious. I'm a lot of things. 

If you have any extra, please send prayers/positive energy/anything. I'm trying not over analyze, trying not to panic, but dang if I'm not over-ripe dealing with medical stuff. I am overdue with my MRI as well, and UCLA is expecting me to start radiation and chemo this month (I haven't consented or said no). 

I'm so happy to be here, but as I've been recovering, something like this completely throws things out of balance, when I'm barely getting by sea legs anyway. 

Life is being lived minute by minute, experience by experience, breath by breath. I know that sounds melodramatic, but everything is so up in the air.

One thing is for sure, I'm not ready for ready for a full system shutdown.

Sometimes it's hard to find joy,
and that is why it's awesome to have friends with puppies. :)

Seven Years Already?

Yesterday was two months post surgery, a whopping sixty days. How is that possible? It feels like forever.

Major accomplishments include tying my shoes, putting earrings on (first time took 45 min, but I didn't give up), and most recently learning how to use scissor - that was two days ago. Still trying to master singing the alphabet, and handwritten word, among other triumphs.

I am stubborn, and continue to feed myself, and have dabbled with some makeup incidents. Needless to say, we had to get a new stain remover - we temporary brought in the big guns - for our carpet, all my clothes, and the wall. Oops.

I'm exhausted every day, but that makes sense, I'm recovering from brain surgery. (Even when I say it in my head, it doesn't seem real.) 

I stopped getting on to social media weeks ago (but am planning on posting this). I'm horrible about texting, emailing, and all forms of communication. I just don't have the energy. I really appreciate your understanding. 

On a side note for brain surgery friends, have you ever had a lymph node in the neck swell up after your craniotomy? We've been tracking one for over a month. It's hard, and not painful. It's about the size of a peach bit. My surgeon says that if it doesn't go away, or if it gets bigger, I need to get it checked out. Boo. I've never had this happen. I'm hoping it's a random immune response, but it is also scary. 

With all this stuff going on, trying to recover, and monitoring that blob in my neck. I'm just focusing on baby steps. And breathing. And books on tape. And not gripping my fork like Encino Man. 

Fun Fact: Today 7 years ago, I had my first brain tumor resection! (And now I'm four deep!)

I really look forward to feeling capable of daily life. And writing my own name. For now, I think I'll go take a little nap.

Another favorite milestone was when Dan cut my hair for me last week.
He even added in some layers. Ha!