MRI Reschedule. Again.

What a day. My girl friend Laura picked me up this morning for my MRI (Dan had to work), and I realized halfway to the hospital that I forgot my Lorazepam - you remember my Lorazepam, it's the under-the-tongue pill that stops my seizures from progressing. Usually, it's not imperative for me to have Lorazepam on me at all times (although it would be smart), but for my MRI days, it is imperative. For a brain MRI with contrast, you go into the "tube" and they do a scan of your brain with a bunch of loud noises and vibrations. Then, they pull you back out and they inject the dye and do it all over again. The dye courses through your veins, you get the taste of saline in your mouth, there's a heat that rises in your body. In that moment, the injection moment, several MRIs ago, I had an aura. Luckily, I had brought my Lorazepam into the MRI room (just in case) and it ended up saving me from being transferred to the ER which apparently is standard procedure if you have a seizure during an MRI scan. Today, when I realized I forgot my pills, in the interest of keeping the appointment, we did not turn around to get the drugs. Instead, acknowledging it was a hospital, we assumed they would be able to do something for me. I mean, all I needed was a 1 mg pill. A tiny dose. But, of course, it's the weekend so they couldn't verify (or wouldn't verify) my prescription. After discussing with the nurses at radiology, in my backless gown no less, we decided to play it safe and not risk it. If I would have had a seizure it would have been a disaster, both emotionally and financially (the ER, then a holding room for watch and wait).

So tomorrow morning at 7:45 am, with Lorazepam in hand, I will try again for a MRI scan. From the whole experience, what I learned is that they schedule and provide appointments for MRIs on Sundays. Sundays?!? How cool is that? Here I've been thinking that Saturdays are the best because they're slow and quiet, but now I know I can do them on Sundays, and the nurses say it's even quieter than Saturdays. I'm pretty excited. Oh ya, and I learned that I really do need to keep Lorazepam on me at all times. It just makes things easier. Guess I learned two things today. :)

Dropping Baggage (or Hair)

For the first time since diagnosis, almost five years ago, I went to my hairdresser Jesse, and actually asked for shorter hair. After years of shaving and growing out after brain surgeries, I finally got to the point where I made the choice - the choice - to cut my hair for style purposes. I had no idea how freeing, and reparative it would be. That I would feel weightless, both physically and emotionally.

I have a couple of pictures. The first one is just after the cut.....

The second is the next morning, bird watching with the cat....

It may seem silly to get my hair done just before a brain MRI, a foolish choice since it could be directly followed with another bald brain surgery, but you'll remember that this year I vowed to not live in fear. Each time I overthink things I'm going to strategically continue on. I will not be paralyzed. It's easy to do, to become overwhelmed and stagnant. 

I'm still terrified, but like a happy sloth I'm slowing moving forward. And with half my hair gone, it should be a little bit easier.

The cut has longer pieces in front and it's a little shorter in the back. I'm the new 90's throwback: party in the front, business in the back, letting my curly flag fly. I'm kinda rocking my own version of a reverse mullet.

It seems quite indulgent to write a whole post about hair when it's not mentioning my huge railroad scar, or baldness, or tufts of hair coming out of a scab. My poor skull, and follicles, and hell, everything above my neck, has been through so much. So tonght I write this post out of happiness and gratitude that I am able to just allow the wonderful ability of a haircut give me peace of mind. I'll take it. 

There's always something to smile about lurking around every corner. Like that badass poem that one of you posted in the comments section recently. Man, I felt absolutely not deserving of such praise, but I printed it up anyway. I will be using it as a guide to strive for. So thank you for that - on so many levels.