The Real Story

Ha. I did it! I'm posting, and it's a Friday. Boom.

Since the beginning of the blog a few people have encouraged me to turn my story into a book. Many have recommended just pulling together some of my blog posts, probably just because it would be an easy solution, and I appreciate that. The problem is that from the moment of that first headache, I have edited my story. Big key pieces. Major details. A few friends, and of course family, know bits of the truth, but only Danny and I know everything. Of course, as I have lived deeper and deeper into this diagnosis, I have lessened my editing, but there are (what I believe to be) significant details that people need to know in order to truly understand our lives, and this journey.

I started writing my story last year, and remained with only a page and a half until recently. It has been hard to feel motivated. The whole concept was overwhelming, in fact it was emotionally draining. The catalyst, my inspiration, was my new desk. My grandma is now living in a physical rehab facility, she can no longer live alone, so I became a proud owner of a really cool roll top desk. Somehow, with all the little compartments, and drawers, and the neat way it closes to hide all my junk, I get excited to write. I even came up with the perfect plan, and it has been working. I'm writing a page each day, M-F.

The thing that people don't realize, can't comprehend (not their fault), is that this story - although I've been writing it for years - is my life. Fingers have been in my brain. Literally. A few times. It's emotional. It's shocking, and almost unbelievable. The tricky part is that you guys don't know the whole story, the truth of what all happened. When I read the first four pages the other night to Dan, I slowly spun around in my chair to see what he thought. It was dark, and all I could see was the silhouette of his head. I stared at him, confused as to why he wasn't speaking, but when I moved closer I realized he was crying. Not a sob cry, but tears streaming down his face cry. He loved what I wrote, but it was still hard for him to hear. Hard for him to relive. Painful to go back to that place. This is real, and it was big. And to relive it each day by writing it out will be taxing. For a hot minute I thought writing it all out would be therapeutic, but quickly I realized that was stupid. I don't need to go back to that time to work anything out, or process things any further. Regurgitating all of the memories, and feelings, are necessary to write the book, but not necessary in life.

The undertaking of writing this book, of putting it all in a concise story, piecing it together, is very, very tough. My goal is to finish a rough draft by the time I hit 35, which is in a year and a half.

It has been incredibly helpful to do this blog, to document, and share, but there is so much more to tell. And finally, I'm ready to lay it all out there.

My new writing nook:

And when I'm done with the intended makeover it will look somewhat like this:

Resolute This...or That

You know what I love about this time of year? The obsession with getting healthy. It's all over the media right now, and it's really fun to learn the tricks (or scoff at the laughable ones). I wish we saw on TV, year-round, nothing but healthy stories; it's very inspirational. I'm not one for new year resolutions, I mean come on, I can't even seem to do a post each Friday, that lasted about a week.

Laying in bed last night, I thought to myself, smiling, "Life is hilarious, and I am a goober." It all started in the morning with me trying to copy the TV with some floor exercises using a broom handle. It was absurd; I was ridiculous. I had so much fun, though, and my butt hurts like crazy. So that's a great sign. I don't know if you've heard this (or noticed it yourself), but our bodies are not perfectly symmetrical. Some, less so than others. I remember in college, for the first time, I looked in the mirror over my shoulder while I was wearing a bathing suit. I had wanted to see what my butt looked like (big mistake). To my horror, I realized that I had a saddlebag under my left butt cheek, but my right side did not. Major disappointment. That led me to analyze my whole body, and sure enough, my left breast (gross, I know, but necessary for the argument) is, to the naked eye, bigger, and my left foot is a half shoe size bigger. Happily, my hands seem to be the same size, along with my eyeballs and ears (huge relief). Anyway, how did I even get on this tangent? Maybe the floor exercises? Must have been. Although I love to run, I've never been into isometrics, or floor routines. They bore me. But, in the spirit of diversion, I've decided to start targeting my lone saddlebag. I'm eating healthy, and I feel great. Since I don't really want to focus too much on the actual tumor (other than the current treatments, and supplements I'm already doing), I figure I'll focus my energy on getting into the best shape of my life.

Some experts say that diet is 80% of health, and, to my chagrin, I agree. When I'm eating clean I've noticed that I can not keep fat on my body, it completely melts away - even without a smidgen of exercise. Both Dan and I have been floored by how simple it is. Even crazier is that I eat a lot of fatty foods. I eat avocado every day, a tablespoon of fish oil, handfuls of nuts, and saute all of our meats in copious amounts of coconut oil. I don't have to eat like a bunny to be healthy, which has been such a change from life before diagnosis. Once you know how to truly eat clean, the only hard part is motivation, and if you have a partner in crime, or just take it one day at a time, almost like an addiction problem, you realize it's actually doable.

If you've caught past blog posts, you'll know that I've had a real yo-yo of weight. In early high school I remember weighing 161 (too many bean and cheese burritos), finishing at around 148 my senior year. Then, in college I weighed around 138 (thanks to lots of coffee, cigarettes, and obsessively counting calories). In 2006 I hit my heaviest point at 181 (emotional eating...baaaad news). I now weigh 138. I may fluctuate a little on a week-to-week basis, but ever since I removed junk and processed foods, even healthy processed stuff like Dave's bread, grains, legumes, and such, my life completely changed - my skin is better, my energy is better (relatively speaking), and my mood is better. Now, as an aside, I have to say that I will have a week or two even, from time to time, when I eat lots of crap (think holidays), but as a good little lamb I always find my way back to the herd of the healthy. I had to throw that out there so that you know that I'm human, and normal, not a robot with superhuman willpower.

There are all kinds of diets being toted right now since the #1 NY resolution is to get healthy or lose weight. There are so many ways to get healthy, thousands of diets, of lifestyles, and I respect anyone who is trying to better themself. I don't even really care how they do it. I won't judge. I just know what works for me. It's a no fail, huge result, lifestyle. Even if you cut out all the crap for one day a week and only eat veggies, lean meats, nuts, fruits, healthy fats, spices, etc., your body will thank you.

All this sass in me today is from, literally, the best smoothie I have ever eaten in my life. And I am telling you I have made some deee-sgusting concoctions. I promise you I had one hell of a learning curve (poor Danny), so I don't feel that bad about tooting my own bike bell when I do something right.

Here some of the exciting things about this drink: it's low glycemic, high in fiber, has all 18 essential amino acids, increases HDL cholesterol (the good one that regulates triglycerides), it's loaded with glutathione (the most powerful antioxidant), filled with caroteniods (helps eyes & reproductive health), has omega-3 fats (helps the body absorb the nutrients & vitamins), lowers inflammation (due to the ginger root, turmeric & lemon), and so much more! In fact, it's such a badass smoothie that I can't even begin to list all the amazingness.

Ingredients

Turmeric Root

Finished Product. Get your spoon, it's thick.

Ingredients:
2 leaves of kale (destemmed)
1/2 avocado 
5 sprigs of flat leafed parsley
1 lemon, juiced
1 inch ginger root
1/2 inch turmeric root
8 oz coconut water (or you can do regular filtered water if you'd prefer) - add extra for thinning if preferred

If you click on the highlighted ingredients, you can read about the unique vitamins and nutrients of each one.

As for diets, and foods, all I know for sure is that if there are ingredients in our foods that we don't understand, or recognize, or cannot pronounce, our bodies don't want them. Chalk it up to one more of my simple rules about life. The more I think about things, the more simple life turns out to be. I hope that doesn't sound know-it -all-y, because it definitely isn't how I mean it. I guess I just end up being surprised sometimes by how much more simple life can be when I honestly analyze things. When I don't lie to myself. Does that make sense? Like the old adage says, calories in calories out. Sure that makes sense, right?, and it seems kind of awesome (here comes two Oreos for breakfast). It basically implies that I can eat whatever I want as long as I burn it off. The problem is that it just isn't that simple. Calories are not equal, even though that's how I used to view food. When I stopped lying to myself and started excepting the basic fact that whole foods react different in our bodies than synthetic, processed foods, my whole life, and body changed. Now, this is just an observation within my own life, and I'm not trying to soapbox you, I just figured I share my experience in honor of all the health stories being tossed out there. So however you do it, whatever decision you make, good luck and cheers to you in getting healthier!