Oct 11, 2012

2nd Malignancy?

What if the second area is malignant. Will that revoke my acceptance into the clinical trial?

Wow. Lots to think about in these coming days. Tomorrow, I have up to 6-8 hours of testing, all cognitive stuff. It's like back to back to back SATS.

As I digested my new information, my dad called me upstairs to check out a stunning rainbow. Does that signify that everything will be alright?

2nd Tumor Resection Is On

Bad news. The report showed that the tumor has grown. It used to be 10 mm x 16 mm x 9 mm and now it is 1.2 cm x 2 cm x 2 cm. Bummer. Apparently, all of my insane supplements have not done what I was hoping. Also, I have not been as diligent about my diet as in previous times so I'm sure that played a part. The only true diet to starve a tumor is the ketogenic diet which is incredibly hard to follow. If you remember back maybe a year or so ago I tried it, but it was so limiting that I couldn't keep it up. I was miserable. Anyway, now the tumor has grown, and unfortunately there is a second area of concern. Another area of dopa uptake. They will know for sure if it is malignant after Monday's two MRIs.

Wow. Bummer. Huge bummer. I guess I'm going under the knife again. I'm scared because now that my tumor has doubled in size they have to cut out more of my brain. Also, the area that grew was toward my speech center which may imply the necessity of an awake craniotomy which as you know raises serious concerns for complications. Damn. The doctors should know by the end of the day Monday, perhaps Tuesday, the type of surgery necessary to preserve the most brain tissue. The most shocking blow, beyond the growth is the possible second tumor. A calcification that took up the radioactive dopamine. If it's malignant I honestly do not know what I will do. What I will think. How I will handle it. Jeez. I honestly didn't see that one coming.

Ugh. I'm sick to my stomach. I wish UCLA was in Seattle so I could be in Danny's arms. He should be here a day and a half before the surgery. Until then I'm going to have to be strong.