Recharged

I'm back, and recharged. It's funny, or I guess not "ha ha" funny, but ironic, that I always considered myself to be thoroughly independent. Even when Danny and I did long distance for the first year and a half of our relationship, I cherished my alone time.

Things changed after the diagnosis, the surgeries, and all of the therapy though. Danny and I literally spent the past year together without much work. We took walks, went to the farmer's market, we cooked together, we read together, we worked out together, and laughed constantly. We still did various social things without each other, but we came together after a few hours or couple of days, refreshed, missing each other. We were spoiled. We were able to downsize, minimizing our financial obligations, just focusing on my medical bills and things like that. Anyway, I'm realizing that I've been incredibly spoiled to have Danny around all the time.

I'm strong when I need to be, and I know that this career change for Danny will be fantastic for our future. People do long distance every day, sometimes most of their lives. The problem is that I have a sense of urgency to enjoy each moment, and that makes me want to with him.

The only solution, in my opinion, is to distract myself. I've gotten back in touch with the brain tumor support group in Wenatchee, seeing what I can do to volunteer. I've become a volunteer with the National Brain Tumor Society. I'm distracting myself with other people's lives, trying to figure out how I can help. The best thing I can do is to get outside myself. I think it's finally time to focus on others. I won't forget the necessity to take care of myself and rest, but I can't just sit here on my bum.

  

First Portland Roadtrip

I'm headed out in the morning. I can't stand it. Danny was going to surprise me and drive all the way home to see me, but I can't have him taking his only day off to drive 5.5 hours to see me, then quickly get home within 24 hours.

When I was on the girls weekend a few days ago, I shared some of the highlights from the way Danny treats me. I told them that I feel like I'm living a love story more romantic than the book and movie, The Notebook.

While I was recovering from the brain surgeries at Laura's house, Danny would scoop me up into his arms. He would carry me to the couch, tuck me into a soft blanket, put a Sex In The City series disk on and cuddle me. For the record, he can't stand the series, it was all for me. He would lift me back up and take me for a nap. Each day, since I couldn't wash the scab and staples, Danny would carry me and place me in the shower. He took a soft bristle toothbrush and he would gently clean as close to the incision as possible. There was an absurd amount of blood that was constantly coming off in my hats and scarfs and Danny didn't want me to have to see it. He knew I would prefer to be clean. I never asked him to do such gentle and kind things. He even took the initiative to draw baths, where he would sit on the side of the clawfoot tub and shave my legs and armpits for me. It was unbelievable. He has nurtured me, spoiled me with kindness and love. When I'm around him we laugh, and laugh. Then, sometimes we sob, and sob.

I feel immensely grateful to have him in my life. He has helped save me. He is a huge part as to why I'm healthy today. So, I'm out of here. I'm going to go see my man. It doesn't matter that he has to study the majority of the time. I have a few books on tape, lent from my friend Kristin, and one actual bound book. I'm just excited to be near him.