Rotary Presentation

In two weeks I have my first real public speaking engagement. It's not as fancy as it sounds, it's just a little talk to my father's rotary. I'm going to share my story. I can't wait!

I've been brainstorming a bunch, trying to piece everything together. It's hard to figure everything out, do I tell the story chronologically, or jump around. How do I hook 'em? How do I transition things? How do I select the best parts of the past 11 months, and share the details. I have to omit stuff, what do I omit? It hurts my head to figure it out. I'm excited though! I just don't want to forget anything important.

I keep asking myself, "What is my purpose in sharing my story?"

I've come up with all kinds of answers, but none of them seem to feel exact. I want to share my story because it's absolutely crazy. It was all so sudden. It's eye opening. It's scary. It's triumphant. It's human. I guess I want to share my story and everything that goes with it. It's ok to be sad, it's ok to feel scared, it's ok to be overwhelmed, but never defeat yourself. Surround yourself with wonderful people who love you unconditionally. Find the happiness in little victories and try not to be too hard on yourself.

I feel like the past 11 months have been an out of body experience. It's like living a dream or a movie (I'm outing myself, I do love lifetime movies). This whole story is foreign to me even though I'm living it. It's hard to explain.

I'm now undergoing my largest intellectual project since they explored my noggin. I've advanced so far! I'm proud of myself. Sometimes I forget how far I've come. From not being able to say my name, or know the day, month, the name of the president, handling a fork, hitting two syllable words, learning how to read again, solving word problems, higher thinking, and here we are, truly the most difficult form of organization and planning that I've faced. It's fun! Scary, but fun. One more challenge to keep me moving!

I can't wait to face this group, mess up my words, laugh a little, apologize and keep going. My dad said that I should picture talking to a bunch of friends because that's all this is, friends, people who want me to succeed.

Little Green Foxes

With my head phones on, munching on steamed organic broccolini (thank you Costco for the new selection!), I'm weighing out my meals for tomorrow. Literally. Piece by piece I'm trying to figure out the restricted ketogenic food plan. I definitely use a different ratio than the typical 4:1:1 (fat:carb:protein), I'm more of a 4:2:1 (the 2 is for the extra carbs in the vegetables). I love vegetables, especially broccoli and all kinds of cabbage. I know that if I get too regimented I will fail. I need that hard crunch of veggies.

Danny has his Netflix dialed in, relaxing, watching Deadwood. Me, well, I'm doing what I love to do....I'm silently dancing behind the wall that divides the living room and kitchen. Weighing, measuring, listening to MGMT, shuffling to Kings of Leon, and working my abs with a few fearless dance moves to the Scissor Sisters.

There used to be a time when, enjoying my time alone, I used to get dressed up to bake in my kitchen. I wore cute dresses and my highest heals, my clothing protected by my great Auntie Myrt's apron. It's buttercup yellow with tiny little green foxes (practically minuscule little fellas). It made me feel feminine and sexy. It was my little secret. My "love ingredient."

Sometimes I have to remind myself that happiness is internal and yet something that I have to reach for.